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Original poster

Feel so bad for my daughter who's just given birth

110 replies

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:12

My daughter became a first time mum 8 days ago. She went 8 days overdue, was induced but didn't make it past 2cm dilated (later found out baby was tangled in the cord so had no way of escaping) she was prodded and poked for 12 hrs and put on the hormone drip without any pain relief. In the end she was told she needed an emergency C-section. Two days after delivery she came home but was in the worst pain with trapped wind and it was horrendous to watch her go through all this. Two days later it was her birthday but she spent it in bed in pain so that was rubbish. Two days after that she came over really Ill shivering and hallucinating, rushed her to hospital this was Tuesday just gone and she's still there and they don't know what's wrong with her. Bloods for sepsis have came back clear, not covid either. Her temp keeps going up and down and her section scar is weeping so it's obviously an infection. I know she's in the best place medically but I can't help feeling really sorry for her. After a long pregnancy she should be home enjoying her baby not alone in a hospital. Her husband has been great going up and sitting with her and taking the baby up to visit her but from 9pm she's alone while myself and her husband are taking care of baby. She's in a private room with nothing to look at bit 4 walls. What a rotten first time experience 😢 I'm hoping this isn't setting her up for post natal depression, she's already got the baby blues and worried her baby won't know who she is. I feel dreadful for her I really do. Don't know why I'm writing this or what I want from this I'm just feeling quite low this evening. I've been here almost 2 weeks now and missing home and the rest of my family. I'm suppose to be going home Saturday but I can't see that happening as I want to make sure she's home and recovered.

OP posts:
fridaynight1 · 26/10/2023 23:18

I was in hospital for nearly a month after my 3rd. I had an unidentified infection that they never found the cause of. There is no way I would have been able to care for my baby - my DH did that at home with the help of our 2 other children.

There were no beds in maternity so I was put in a general medical ward and it was absolutely no place for a new born baby. Very traumatic at the time but we were all ok in the end, baby was fine, I got better and DH survived doing the first 4 weeks of night feeds all on his own (with a little help from our 2 other children). He was a total hero.

It must be a very worrying time for you, I can't imagine how my DH must have felt having to do it all on his own. They are both very lucky to have you there for them. Your daughter is going to get better I'm sure. That mother and baby bond will still be there when your daughter finally gets to look after her baby herself Flowers

Good luck to you all and congratulations.

MumApril1990 · 26/10/2023 23:21

They should be letting her have the baby with her so she can establish Breastfeeding

YouBetYourBippy · 26/10/2023 23:23

Just to give you some hope - a close friend of mine overseas had a massive seizure during the birth of her second child and went into a six month coma.

It was horrendous for all concerned - she woke up to a 6 month old baby that she didn't know at all. But the child is now late teens, there is no issue with their bond at all and it really is just a "listen to this weird story that happened to us".

Sending love to your daughter and all of you. I hope she is back home where she belongs soon.

LodiDodi · 26/10/2023 23:25

These things happen. It is unfair but the important thing is she's in good hands and has an amazing supportive family including you. In a few months after she's better you'll have all forgotten about this time and her and baby will be thriving, just see.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/10/2023 23:25

Your poor daughter. Sounds like she's in the right place.

It must be difficult for her to be away from baby at night but she sounds very unwell, I imagine it will be best for her to rest, rest, rest at night so hopefully she can get well enough as fast as she can so she can go home.

Viella11 · 26/10/2023 23:31

What a wonderful mum you are! And your daughter will therefore be amazing too. It won't be long before she is home and recovered 💐

Perhaps once she's feeling a bit better she could use the hospital's Birth Afterthoughts service - it's midwife-led and is an opportunity for mums who had difficult birthing experiences to have a debrief, express any concerns and generally have a chat about it all.

Congratulations on your new grandchild and I wish your daughter a very speedy recovery.

Somanycats · 26/10/2023 23:37

MumApril1990 · 26/10/2023 23:21

They should be letting her have the baby with her so she can establish Breastfeeding

FFS. What is wrong with you? There is no breast feeding. The woman is seriously ill. Those who love her are hoping she will recover and doing what they can to ensure it. They all have better things to worry about than bloody breast feeding.

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 23:39

Ask for anti biotics for DD OP. Xxx

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 23:40

Somanycats · 26/10/2023 23:37

FFS. What is wrong with you? There is no breast feeding. The woman is seriously ill. Those who love her are hoping she will recover and doing what they can to ensure it. They all have better things to worry about than bloody breast feeding.

Show quote history

😒
Unreal. Agree @Somanycats

adriftinadenofvipers · 26/10/2023 23:40

I hope your daughter recovers quickly and can be reunited very soon with her newborn. What a nightmare!

I had an infection after my first c/s. I was also shivering and I felt like my wound was on fire. I had two midwives with me one night packing the wound with ice in plastic bags to give me some relief, and making me toast!! I got another after the second but I recognised the symptoms more quickly myself and alerted the midwives.

With my 3rd, they gave me antibiotics through the epidural to prevent it happening again.

I hope that's what your DD is experiencing and that antibiotics get her feeling much better xx

PurpleWisteria1 · 26/10/2023 23:55

mrssunshinexxx · 26/10/2023 21:51

Can't actually believe the staff are separating a mother and 5 day old baby. Her husband should be demanding he will stay with her and sleep in a chair in her room

This! I absolutely can’t believe they are kicking the husband (and therefore baby) out at 9pm? What on Earth? He should be able to stay over night. When I was in a similar position DH brought an air bed and propped it against the wall during the days and laid down on it during the night- getting up and down for our babies whilst I couldn’t.

Millenialmom · 26/10/2023 23:59

I have only read the original post so I’m sure this has been said. She’s had an awful time but she is so lucky to have a mother like you on her side. Whatever she has to face if she has good support from you and her husband she will come through.

Do fight her corner for baby to be by her side when and if possible as it’s important for both but it won’t stop her being an amazing mom in the future if it isn’t possible. Xx

splishysplash · 27/10/2023 00:28

hulawoop · 26/10/2023 21:14

Your poor daughter. Doesn’t sound like she’s had the best care at all, bless her. Sending well wishes x

Eh? What's wrong with the care? The op doesnt even mention it

shininglight16 · 27/10/2023 00:30

Hey OP how's your daughter now? I hope she's better and on her road to recovery? Sending you lots of love and healing to your daughter. Do keep us posted please, God bless you guys 🙏

splishysplash · 27/10/2023 00:34

Loubelle70 · 26/10/2023 23:39

Ask for anti biotics for DD OP. Xxx

😂😂 oh yes I'm sure the medical team caring for her haven't thought of that... better remind them!

BlowingInTheWind82 · 27/10/2023 00:43

I had a very similar experience - practically identical - but my baby was very ill too in NICU. So technically we were at least in the same building! Is she BF? So baby can stay with her?

BlowingInTheWind82 · 27/10/2023 00:44

PS I had a temp/weeping wound! Nurses were still on at me to pump!!

Original poster
lilyroseabell · 27/10/2023 01:08

Thank you all so much for the well wishes 🥰 your stories and own experiences have give me hope that her bond with baby won't be affected.

I have no problem with the care my daughters received the staff have been great with her and im grateful that she's there getting the treatment that she needs. I just want this whole ordeal behind us and for her to be having these precious moments with her first born. My first born spent the first 3 weeks of her life in the nicu and I remember thinking "why me" when everyone around me was having baby's and leaving the hospital the next day.

Dd and sil live 3hrs from me im going to be a wreck when it's time to go home.

OP posts:
momonpurpose · 27/10/2023 01:33

Op you sound like a wonder mother! Best wishes to you all

junbean · 27/10/2023 04:06

She'll be fine because she has you and the rest of her family supporting her. I had a similar experience last year and it was really hard because I was totally alone! If I'd had just one person it would have made such a difference. Post natal depression isn't caused by a traumatic birth, it's hormones. One thing that's really helpful afterwards is to process what happened by talking about it. Hearing or speaking about what happened step by step and hearing someone say "It's not your fault" is really important.

Loubelle70 · 27/10/2023 07:50

@splishysplash OP didn't mention her daughter was given anti biotics...why laugh? My daughter nearly died because medics didn't administer anti biotics ....it was me who said she needed them...incessantly. A mother's intuition no matter what medics say. I dont understand the laugh. Not kind

Nemareus · 27/10/2023 08:05

Sorry to hear this OP. Birth should be a joyful time. Hopefully she will recover and have many happy years with her new child. How are you doing?

CheapHouse · 28/10/2023 18:25

Birth should be a joyful time. I wouldn't go that far

ThereIbledit · 28/10/2023 20:29

How is your daughter doing, @lilyroseabell ? I've been thinking of you all and wishing you all well.

Snowonthebeachx · 28/10/2023 21:03

Your poor daughter. I had a bit of a similar situation an emcs and then separated from DS for almost a week. It was horrible but we were fine in the end. I was fine establishing breastfeeding and had a very happy mat leave with no PND.
It might help her to do a birth debrief when she feels up to it.