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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

OP posts:
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greyduvetcover · 30/10/2023 13:37

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 30/10/2023 08:34

@greyduvetcover I had to reply because I am MUCH more immature. A friend of mine pointed out how frequently the word “come” recurs in scripture and in choral music and now I can hardly sing the word without collapsing with laughter. Every Christmas when I hear Mary saying “the Holy Spirit hath come upon me” I think that is NOT how you make a baby. I’ve recorded a CD where there was a crescendo at the end leading to the words “come, Lord Jesus. Come, Lord, COME” and was very immature about it. And so on and so on. In that context “my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord” is very funny.

Brilliant! Now how am I going to get through church services from now on?Grin

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 30/10/2023 14:31

@greyduvetcover with amusement, of course! It works for me :)

Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2023 16:33

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2023 12:20

How Many Miles to Bethlehem?

How I detested that song...still makes me cringe.

Also although I actually like it as a song it I look back and wonder if Lords of the Dance was really suitable for young primary school children? "They whipped and stripped and hung me high and left me on a cross to die" Yes we sung it regularly at primary school from the age of 4 or 5!!

The hats the reality of the crucifixion.

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Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2023 16:34

@VeronicaBeccabunga Rise and shine is fab if you know all
The actions. 😂

Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2023 16:48

U feel a bit deprived that my school didn't use Come and Praise. We had one called 'their words, my thoughts.'

SleepingStandingUp · 30/10/2023 16:58

WinkyTinky · 26/10/2023 12:34

So light up the fire and let the flames burn,
wwwwwwwwwww-Open the door, let Jesus return

I loved that one.

I actually have an old school hymn book. Always disappointed at school these days that they don't sing religious songs except at Xmas

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 30/10/2023 17:07

Shine Jesus Shine was the WORST!!!!

So high-pitched...

garlictwist · 30/10/2023 18:24

I stole my copy of Come and Praise when I left primary school so that I could continue to sing the hymns at home. This, sadly, is my biggest act of rebellion so far...

SunlightOverBamburgh · 30/10/2023 22:42

Think Of A World Without Any Flowers used to upset me. I grew up with a lot of fear around The Rapture, Armageddon and the end of the world as well as nuclear war. I think i much prefer the piggies version @KohlaParasaurus mentions.

Colours of Day and One More Step I loathed. Don't know why.

I loved a song called There Are Hundreds of Sparrows, Thousands and Millions. Does anyone remember that?

I also was very fond of Have You Seen the Pussycat Sitting On The Wall .Our neighbour had a beautiful long haired ginger tom named Clarence who used to sit on the wall nearly every day in nice weather.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 30/10/2023 23:05

@SunlightOverBamburgh I remember there are [lots] of sparrows! Even as a child though I thought it was a bit odd, even if fun to sing! I always used to wonder why I mattered more than a million sparrows. Very jolly tune even so.

SunlightOverBamburgh · 31/10/2023 00:20

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau it made me happy, think it was the tune .

SunlightOverBamburgh · 31/10/2023 00:22

Not a school hymn from my days (though probably in latter generations and certainly around in some churches) is this lyrical horror I Wanna Be a Blooming Tree from Doug ( Dougie Doug Doug )Horley:

"Bright flowers like daisies
More fruit than Sainsbury's..

Grow, grow, grow,
You'll be a blooming tree!"

Bambooshoot · 31/10/2023 01:35

SunlightOverBamburgh · 30/10/2023 10:26

Ladies, may I present to you the absolute abomination of a song I Am The Apple of God's Eye

I Am The Apple of God's Eye
His banana over me is love
He oranges His angels to watch over me
as His blessings plummet from above...

.A Raspberry at me He'll never blow...

praise God on the tangerine ....

Awful.

and then there is The Donut Song by the Donut Man:

"Life without Jesus
is like a doughnut
like a doughnut
Like doughnut
life without Jesus is like a doughnut
there's a hole
In the middle of your heart "

I’m sorry, God’s banana is what now?! He’s loving me with his banana? Um . . . Not sure that’s quite appropriate!! Is this for real?

InMySpareTime · 31/10/2023 06:20

I think it's supposed to be a pun on banner, and pronounced more bannAnna than banarna

littlehouselessmatch · 31/10/2023 07:52

Is that the wind in the willows and the birds in the sky, and the bright sun to warm us wherever we lie? I loved that hymn!

That's the one. With the chorus repeated after every verse it was quite a long one.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 08:31

I’m cracking up at the fruit one! Who thinks of that?! And @SunlightOverBamburgh Sainsbury’s in a hymn?! I suppose if god made everything he also made Sainsbury…
As an aside, I was inspired by this thread to talk to my DP about hymns. We’ve both been pretty obsessive choral scholars at Oxbridge but before that I went to a private Anglican school which used Come and Praise in primary, the school’s customised hymn book in secondary for daily assembly. He went to a state school with weekly assembly and was lightly teasing me for having sung actual hymns at school, saying “we sing special children’s school worship songs instead nowadays” (he doesn’t know I Vow to Thee My Country or Jerusalem). I named a few from Come and Praise. He paused for a long time and said “yes, actually, those ones”.

ismu · 31/10/2023 11:37

Jesus bids us shine with a pure clear light like a little candle burning in the night, in this world of darkness so let us shine, you in your small corner and I in mine
Always conjured up a weird vision for me

CathyorClaire · 31/10/2023 21:23

Jesus wants me for a candle?!

Please may I present Jesus as the macho pilot of ocean-going Christians of the 60's?

Do you want a Pilot - eHymnBook

DumboHimalayan · 31/10/2023 21:55

TBH that comes over a little sinister to me.

Do you want a Pilot?
Signal then to Jesus;
Do you want a Pilot?
Bid Him come on board;
For He will safely guide
Across the oceans wide
Until you reach at last
The Heavenly Harbour.

It's all a bit "'Come into my parlour,' said the spider to the fly" ConfusedHmm

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 22:00

World: do you want a Pilate?
Jesus: on reflection, probably not
@DumboHimalayan

Diversion · 31/10/2023 22:05

Lord of all Hopefullness, Lord of All Joy lalalalala was dismal. My son wanted He's got the whole world in his hands at his wedding with his best man doing the actions but was informed that he could not have any school hymns.

NumberFortyNorhamGardens · 31/10/2023 23:14

For me it was our school song (yes, we had one. 🙈) Appalling melody apparently bashed out by some 1930s schoolmistress, which sounded like one of those parody tunes they trot out on Family Guy every so often, and saccharine Blytonesque lyrics about loving each other and caring for great and small. Deeply cringeworthy for a 1980s teenager.

I was also brought up Catholic and some of those ‘modern’ hymns are definitely on my list to forget. But it’s Heavenly Father May Thy Blessing which springs to mind for me now, definitely a Victorian one - I actually love the tune, but the second verse’s lyrics are just so priggish

May they learn from this great story
All the arts of friendliness;
Truthful speech and honest action,
Courage, patience, steadfastness;
How to master self and temper,
How to make their conduct fair,
When to speak and when be silent,
When to do and when forbear.

Not asking for much, are we??

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 23:26

@NumberFortyNorhamGardens oyrs was in Latin. One of the verses translated as “ and when the day comes that our limbs are dragged protestingly from the palace, let us never forget our dear mother, who provided us with a life ideal and grounded in virtue, let us never be separate parts, we shall always be part of our mother “

NumberFortyNorhamGardens · 31/10/2023 23:30

RenoDakota · 26/10/2023 20:03

This is a much loved hymn for funerals. We had it for the funerals of both my parents, and it is very special to me. Mournful and very beautiful.

But very difficult to sing properly. The (gorgeous) melody has long meandering phrases that require the lung capacity of an elephant and it’s nearly always played in Queen of the Night registers.

Give me Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer every time.

NumberFortyNorhamGardens · 31/10/2023 23:33

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 23:26

@NumberFortyNorhamGardens oyrs was in Latin. One of the verses translated as “ and when the day comes that our limbs are dragged protestingly from the palace, let us never forget our dear mother, who provided us with a life ideal and grounded in virtue, let us never be separate parts, we shall always be part of our mother “

Now that does sound a bit creepy. A bit ‘Deep in thy wounds, Lord, hide and shelter me…’

(Any Catholic worth their salt will know that one too I’m sure).