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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

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BobBobBobbing · 26/10/2023 23:09

Colours of day is my all time favourite. so many happy memories of juniors.

Calypso carol for christmas. Or adeste fideles.

Jerusalem was sung at every other school holiday-always captures the holiday spirit.

One more step makes me cry when sung at leavers assembly.

budgiegirl · 27/10/2023 10:05

Our whole class would sing the line 'Perverse and foolish oft I strayed' from the King of Love as 'Preserve and foolish', as we'd never heard the word perverse before. Every time, our teacher would lost the plot and yell, 'for goodness sake, it's not about jam!'

The teacher quite quickly learned not to let us sing 'Mine Eyes have seen the Glory' as we would sing 'Glory Glory Hallelujah Three Times' as that was how it was written in the hymn book, and it drove her crazy

FussyPud · 27/10/2023 10:33

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 13:03

I'm Jewish but went to a Christian school.

I used to despise "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace." Such a dirge. It was beloved of a certain teacher, so you knew you'd be singing it whenever she was leading assembly.

An absolute banger was "Jubilate" (deo... HEY!)

I hated this one too. Partly because it’s dull, mostly because despite singing it weekly for many years, most people forget the weird timings.

On the subject of hymn books and OHP transparencies, did anybody else go to a school where the words were written on flip chart sized sheets of sugar paper and held
up by children on the stage? Or was that just my CofE primary?

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greengreengrass25 · 27/10/2023 10:53

We sang "my eyes have seen the glory" to another tune nit the marching one

It had a dramatic introduction and apparently several sharps in the key it was played

"His tru........th is marching on"

Alligator456 · 27/10/2023 12:02

greengreengrass25 · 26/10/2023 22:21

Never saw that verse. I'm not convinced it was even in the hymn book we had

I like the rushes by the water verse

I think its been taken out nowadays. A bit surprised 10 year old me would notice or care. Then again my Dad had read me Dickens.

Waltzers · 27/10/2023 13:30

Froodwithatowel · 26/10/2023 21:43

I have seen the golden sunshine I have watched the flowers grow
I have seen the something springtime and there's something now I know
they were all put there for us to share by someone so divine
and if you're a friend of Jesus you're a friend of mine.

I've seen the light etc.

This is why there has been no room for anything else in my head since 1982!

We sang the second line as 'I have listened to the song birds and there's one thing now I know'

We were also allowed to clap in this line 'and if you're a friend of Jesus -clap, clap, clap, clap - you're a friend of mine' It was asking for trouble, teachers lost it at kids clapping too loud, too fast, too many claps! It was the only hymn we enjoyed.

Theokaycokey · 27/10/2023 14:02

Does anyone also remember the BBC educational show called "Music Time". We had to go and sit in the music room and watch it once a week. A woman with a bad perm used to start each song by counting us all in with singing "onneeee, twwwooo, three, fourrr". I distinctly remember a song about a bird called "Skewer skewer sit on the shore" and we would all sing "pooer pooer, shit on the floor".

Raahh · 27/10/2023 15:20

Jonathan Cohen!

In the 70s/early 80s- any kids tv show that needed a pianist, seemed to have him on it. Grin

We used to have the radio shows at primary school. 'Time and Tune' and 'Singing Together '.

greengreengrass25 · 27/10/2023 15:42

Theokaycokey · 27/10/2023 14:02

Does anyone also remember the BBC educational show called "Music Time". We had to go and sit in the music room and watch it once a week. A woman with a bad perm used to start each song by counting us all in with singing "onneeee, twwwooo, three, fourrr". I distinctly remember a song about a bird called "Skewer skewer sit on the shore" and we would all sing "pooer pooer, shit on the floor".

Was it in black and white with glockenspiels

greengreengrass25 · 27/10/2023 15:43

Perhaps the one I saw was a pre runner

Marie Grifys was in it and Ian?

Theokaycokey · 27/10/2023 20:15

I posted a video link in the thread above to the programme. I can't remember their names but there was definitely a man and woman presenting.

NotHooray · 27/10/2023 20:48

Passepartoute · 26/10/2023 13:15

In my days of attending primary school assemblies, I hated one that went "Love is something if you give it away
You end up having more."

Mostly because I was cringing at the dreadful English.

That wasn't the magic Penny was it? I have very clear memories of my year one teacher singing it whilst strumming away on her beat up acoustic guitar Grin

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/10/2023 17:08

In addition to many already on this thread I always hated away in a manger. Still do.

littlehouselessmatch · 28/10/2023 18:17

Has anyone mentioned Wind in the Willows? Not bad, but endless repetition rendered it tiresome. It was quite a long one, or so it felt.

We should have a hymns we loved thread for balance 😀. It would probably be very similar.

CathyorClaire · 28/10/2023 20:31

I cringed to death whenever they sang:
"The name of the Lord is ...
A strong tower ...
The righteous run into it ...
And they are saved."
There were ACTIONS. Nothing on earth would ever have induced me to act out 'strong tower' and pretend running into it, like the eager-beavers in the congregation did.

That takes me back to my unhappy church-going days . I think I may have cringed so hard at that one I turned inside out 😁

I'll add:

God's Not Dead, No! He is alive (I feel him all over me. Eh? WTF?😮)

Mercy Is Falling

And (tbf a most excellent cardio workout) Higher Higher -Lift Up Jesus Higher Lower, lower, lower Satan lower (complete with accompanying limbo moves)

to the cringe mash-up 😎

greyduvetcover · 29/10/2023 01:04

I also remember "when Israel was in Egypt's land (let my people go)"
And "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord" where we all sniggered at the word "bosom"
We also had a hymn set to the Lords Prayer words
Most depressing song "Where have all the flowers gone"
Our hymnbook was pink and called "In Every Corner Sing"

BlindyPeakers · 29/10/2023 02:09

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:30

Give me oil in my lamp..... Absolute banger.
At my primary, a lad called Brian (yes, a child called Brian) used to go "yee-haw" after the line "Sing Hosana to the king of kings" and get lunchtime detention every time we sang it.

Omg that just cracked me up. Brian and yee ha!

Passepartoute · 30/10/2023 07:43

CathyorClaire · 28/10/2023 20:31

I cringed to death whenever they sang:
"The name of the Lord is ...
A strong tower ...
The righteous run into it ...
And they are saved."
There were ACTIONS. Nothing on earth would ever have induced me to act out 'strong tower' and pretend running into it, like the eager-beavers in the congregation did.

That takes me back to my unhappy church-going days . I think I may have cringed so hard at that one I turned inside out 😁

I'll add:

God's Not Dead, No! He is alive (I feel him all over me. Eh? WTF?😮)

Mercy Is Falling

And (tbf a most excellent cardio workout) Higher Higher -Lift Up Jesus Higher Lower, lower, lower Satan lower (complete with accompanying limbo moves)

to the cringe mash-up 😎

Edited

I hate "actions" in church anyway, it always seems incredibly un-British. I remember going to a confirmation where some of the congregation did a sort of Heil Hitler salute every time the word "God" was used and thinking WTF. The Sign of Peace makes me curl up.

KohlaParasaurus · 30/10/2023 08:21

I loved most of the hymns and religious songs I grew up with and there are some belters on this thread that I'd forgotten. Thanks! And also some dreary horrors. Daisies are our silver indeed!

I remember DH's daughter singing a school assembly song that went, "Think of a world with no-o-oh bacon, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" and was about how God made the little piggies to give us bacon so we shouldn't complain about them being smelly. I haven't come across it before or since.

Beangrove · 30/10/2023 08:28

Lord of All Hopefulness and To Be a Pilgrim are permanently etched in my brain.

Also at Sunday School we had one that was sung to the Match of the Day theme tune but went along the lines of 'why don't you take him as your Saviour and let him hold your hand, he will shepherd guide and keep you til you reach the promised land". 40 years on I can't watch MotD without those words running through my head.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 30/10/2023 08:29

I HATED Channel of your Peace. SO BORING. And I was one of those children who always absolutely belted out hymns while the whole school was mumbling, I loved them! But Channel of Your Peace was vile, you can easily just speak it in a depressed apathetic voice and it sounds the same.

On the other hand, we all used to adore hymn 4 (Autumn Days) because we were allowed to shout A WIN FOR MY HOME TEAM! The neighbouring boys’ school were allowed to shout deSIRE in Jerusalem as well so we all got jealous.

My personal favourite was “you shall go out with joy” not only were we allowed to clap when the word clap occurred, it would get faster and faster with each repeat until it frankly got ridiculous. When I got to senior school I also loved hymn 39 (I vow to thee my country).

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 30/10/2023 08:34

@greyduvetcover I had to reply because I am MUCH more immature. A friend of mine pointed out how frequently the word “come” recurs in scripture and in choral music and now I can hardly sing the word without collapsing with laughter. Every Christmas when I hear Mary saying “the Holy Spirit hath come upon me” I think that is NOT how you make a baby. I’ve recorded a CD where there was a crescendo at the end leading to the words “come, Lord Jesus. Come, Lord, COME” and was very immature about it. And so on and so on. In that context “my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord” is very funny.

ValuableLimeLesson · 30/10/2023 08:40

littlehouselessmatch · 28/10/2023 18:17

Has anyone mentioned Wind in the Willows? Not bad, but endless repetition rendered it tiresome. It was quite a long one, or so it felt.

We should have a hymns we loved thread for balance 😀. It would probably be very similar.

Is that the wind in the willows and the birds in the sky, and the bright sun to warm us wherever we lie? I loved that hymn!

We did a lovely one that started with 'Heavenly father, may thy blessing rest upon thy children now'. We only ever sang it once or twice, but I loved that, too.

ALSO love The Day Thou Gavest. I find it really uplifting - the day's ending in one place, yes, but it's starting again on the other side of the world.

SunlightOverBamburgh · 30/10/2023 10:26

Ladies, may I present to you the absolute abomination of a song I Am The Apple of God's Eye

I Am The Apple of God's Eye
His banana over me is love
He oranges His angels to watch over me
as His blessings plummet from above...

.A Raspberry at me He'll never blow...

praise God on the tangerine ....

Awful.

and then there is The Donut Song by the Donut Man:

"Life without Jesus
is like a doughnut
like a doughnut
Like doughnut
life without Jesus is like a doughnut
there's a hole
In the middle of your heart "

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