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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

OP posts:
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TheSandgroper · 26/10/2023 12:11

I can’t stand Refiner’s Fire. And it was at dc’s school, not mine. But it’s still on rotation at Mass.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:13

I used to love the come and praise hymn books!

HobnobsChoice · 26/10/2023 12:15

Think of a world without any flowers is the dirge of my childhood. From the Come and Praise songbook.

I was at school in the 80s and in my head it was mixed up with the threat of nuclear war. I sang this thinking about some post apocalyptic waste land rather than God's creation

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Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 12:18

I'd forgotten about "think of a world without any flowers" but I agree.
Also "when I needed a neighbour"

FlatterNow · 26/10/2023 12:19

We build our school on Thee, O Lord. Dreadful dirge.

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2023 12:20

How Many Miles to Bethlehem?

How I detested that song...still makes me cringe.

Also although I actually like it as a song it I look back and wonder if Lords of the Dance was really suitable for young primary school children? "They whipped and stripped and hung me high and left me on a cross to die" Yes we sung it regularly at primary school from the age of 4 or 5!!

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:21

Oh my God. I had forgotten about so many of these.

@HobnobsChoice "Think of a World Without Any Flowers" used to scare the shit out of me. I was at primary in the early 90s so after the looming threat of nuclear war but that song definitely instilled a senses of doom in me.

We used to sing one about how all children were different and some children didn't want to play ball games, and some children didn't want to sit quietly. I hated it because it just stated the bleeding obvious but in a really twee (very MN-y) way.

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:22

listsandbudgets · 26/10/2023 12:20

How Many Miles to Bethlehem?

How I detested that song...still makes me cringe.

Also although I actually like it as a song it I look back and wonder if Lords of the Dance was really suitable for young primary school children? "They whipped and stripped and hung me high and left me on a cross to die" Yes we sung it regularly at primary school from the age of 4 or 5!!

I loved Lord of the Dance. Me and DP still sing it when we're cooking 😂

But, yes, probably not appropriate for 4-5 year olds.

elliejjtiny · 26/10/2023 12:23

I was going to say there is a green hill far away but I'd forgotten about when I needed a neighbour. There was a lady from the salvation army who used to come and sing that one, only she sang it opera style, awful.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 12:24

‘When l needed a neighbour were you there, were you there? I’d forgotten that shit!

Kum By Ar ( sp?) is the worst song ever.

I liked Lord of the Dance. I especially liked onward Christian Soldiers. We were sat in assembly with girls and boys separate🤷🏻‍♀️The boys used to march to it. Eventually the staff got fed up if telling them off. And then we never sang it anymore😂

ElinoristhenewEnid · 26/10/2023 12:25

Kum ba yah I found irritating!

AtomicBlondeRose · 26/10/2023 12:27

The ink is black, the page is white…

such a clumping dirge of a tune and a clodhopping sort of obvious morality to it. Boring.

On the other hand, I got a copy of Come and Praise from eBay and often enjoy sitting at the piano and banging out Autumn Days and Lord of the Dance.

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:27

No I wouldn’t forget… to say a great big thank you…

We often got told off for emphasising the line about the apple pie 😂

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:28

I don't think we ever had Refiners Fire or Think of a World Without Any Flowers — I suppose each school has a fairly limited number of hymns that Mrs Wilson who teaches second year can confidently bang out on the piano are carefully selected for that school community.

I quite liked When I Needed a Neighbour, though… I think I liked the minor key , the big steps in the tune, the keychanging shifts, and of course the opportunity to belt out "naked" in the middle of morning assembly. (I know my musical terminology is all off, but hopefully it sort of makes sense. Maybe it's modal or something too?)

OP posts:
greengreengrass25 · 26/10/2023 12:28

I liked most of them

Some of the tunes were dirgy though

Our headmistress insisted on

Oh Jesus I have promised

to the old fashioned tune rather than the upbeat one

VeronicaBeccabunga · 26/10/2023 12:29

My kids had a dreadful song about Climbing Jesus Ladder, Ladder.
I think then they had to 'rise and shine and give god the glory, glory...'

I was always worrying about that ladder and appropriate apostrophes.

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:30

Give me oil in my lamp..... Absolute banger.
At my primary, a lad called Brian (yes, a child called Brian) used to go "yee-haw" after the line "Sing Hosana to the king of kings" and get lunchtime detention every time we sang it.

InvisibleDuck · 26/10/2023 12:31

I don't recall the name of it but there was one where the lyrics were all about a child being very badly behaved, with the chorus including 'it's time to turn to the Lord - just for a change.'

As a very conscientious little girl I thought it was daft and that there were much better reasons to 'turn to the Lord'! Also hated that it was in first person as I hadn't ever done half the naughty things that the song was confessing to.

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:31

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 12:24

‘When l needed a neighbour were you there, were you there? I’d forgotten that shit!

Kum By Ar ( sp?) is the worst song ever.

I liked Lord of the Dance. I especially liked onward Christian Soldiers. We were sat in assembly with girls and boys separate🤷🏻‍♀️The boys used to march to it. Eventually the staff got fed up if telling them off. And then we never sang it anymore😂

Edited

When I was in senior school they gave us Onward Christian Pilgrims. It doesn't really work. "Piii-iii-i-iiilgrims"? Hmm

OP posts:
Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:31

Is there one about a fire? I don’t think it was give me oil in my lamp. I want to say page 55 but that would be just weird 😂 x

catwithflowers · 26/10/2023 12:32

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:30

Give me oil in my lamp..... Absolute banger.
At my primary, a lad called Brian (yes, a child called Brian) used to go "yee-haw" after the line "Sing Hosana to the king of kings" and get lunchtime detention every time we sang it.

Brilliant 😂. I had forgotten loads of these! I loved hymns and assembly though!!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 12:34

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:31

When I was in senior school they gave us Onward Christian Pilgrims. It doesn't really work. "Piii-iii-i-iiilgrims"? Hmm

It was to prevent the marching!

WinkyTinky · 26/10/2023 12:34

So light up the fire and let the flames burn,
wwwwwwwwwww-Open the door, let Jesus return

greengreengrass25 · 26/10/2023 12:34

When a knight won his spurs

Oh lord love and creation hear us when we call

Brilliant

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