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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

OP posts:
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littlehouselessmatch · 26/10/2023 13:36

All2Well · 26/10/2023 13:33

@littlehouselessmatch I know him well 🙈

Blush

It was a fairly popular and well liked hymn to be fair! I feel terrible now.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/10/2023 13:37

Oxbow lakes are the only thing that stayed in my head apart from clints and grykes.

Maybe there’s some kind of weird oxbow lake cult thing? I clearly remember the formation of them
from Geography o level in 1980.

l remember nothing of chemistry at all.

All2Well · 26/10/2023 13:38

@littlehouselessmatch don't feel bad, I won't tell him haha!

Interested in this thread?

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Chocolata82 · 26/10/2023 13:39

From a Tiny Ant, from a tiny ant, to an elephant, to an elephant, from a snake to a kangaroo.....

Does anyone remember that one?

Steala · 26/10/2023 13:41

Jesus' hands were kind hands.

I loved Think of a World without any Flowrrs!

Liamgallaghersparka · 26/10/2023 13:42

I'm quite ashamed to admit that I didn't really have one that I disliked 🫤

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 13:42

yarnwitch · 26/10/2023 13:17

There was one I can't find the name of, it went something like:
"Have you seen the pussycat sitting on the wall, have heard it's beautiful purr. Puuuurrrr.
Have you seen the lion stalking round it's cage, have you heard it's terrible roar. Roar!
One so big, one so small. Our Heavenly Father cares for them all. One so big, one so small. Our Heavenly Father cares."

Everyone used to cheer when that song was chosen as they used to shout the Roar part as loud as they could. As a quiet child in an echoey school hall I hated it 😆

I used to find All things bright and beautiful really depressing too.

It looks like it's just called "Have You Seen The Pussycat"

Have you seen the pussy cat

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesHave you seen the pussy cat · Frank McConnellHappy Mouse Presents: Jesus Loves Me This I Know℗ 2001 Happy Mouse...

https://youtu.be/9DXGqt4XtzA

OP posts:
Theokaycokey · 26/10/2023 13:43

Give me Oil in my Lamp
When a Knight won his spurs
Who put the colours in the rainbow
If I had a hammer
The ink is black

Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?
greengreengrass25 · 26/10/2023 13:43

CesareBorgia · 26/10/2023 13:21

'Give me oil in my lamp' - we used to sing 'give me gas in my arse, keep me farting'.

Brilliant

Go tell it on the mountain

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 13:47

Our music teacher taught Jesus Christ, Superstar but wouldn’t let us sing it anymore after we changed the lyrics to Jesus Christ, Superstar - walks like a lady and he wears a bra.

^^

Theokaycokey · 26/10/2023 13:47

Annoyingly the other day I had lost my hammer and had that bloody song in my head all day!!

Dobbybigearsdog · 26/10/2023 13:49

How did Moses cross the Red Sea, always remember was on page 83 and everybody used to scream it, sounded like a cat been tortured

ZittiEBuoni · 26/10/2023 13:50

My great aunt was a nun and she would always maintain that Lord of the Dance was blasphemous.

MrsJellybee · 26/10/2023 13:51

Our school banned ‘If I had a hammer’. We were never allowed to sing it.

Colours of Day was the big favourite, and this hymn. It wasn’t in Come and Praise, but was on a huge scroll on the wall which the head would flip over with a giant pole:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7wZoZM6LEeE

Lord Jesus Christ You have come to us - Living Lord Hymn - Lyrics Video

St. Laurence's CCLI license is 129636 St. Laurence's CCLI Streaming license is 1101910Music performed and produced by Justin Stretch

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7wZoZM6LEeE

MissyB1 · 26/10/2023 13:52

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 13:03

I'm Jewish but went to a Christian school.

I used to despise "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace." Such a dirge. It was beloved of a certain teacher, so you knew you'd be singing it whenever she was leading assembly.

An absolute banger was "Jubilate" (deo... HEY!)

Make me a channel of your peace was and still is my favourite hymn. We had it at my mum’s funeral.

I went to a Catholic school so we sang some hymns about Jesus mother Mary, Ave Maria was a lovely one.

Steala · 26/10/2023 13:53

My favourite might have been 54321 and zero

Steala · 26/10/2023 13:56

And Think think on these things

And Twinkle twinkle little star with a totally different tune and 3 verses!

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 14:01

Globules · 26/10/2023 12:57

You're not the only one who loved it.

Did you know it charted the top 40 in 1972? 😳

Wowzers 😂

tobee · 26/10/2023 14:09

My Dh hates the lyrics to verse 4 of We Three Kings

Myrrh is mine; its bitter perfume
Breathes a life of gathering gloom;—
Sorrowing, sighing,
Bleeding, dying,
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.
O Star, &c.
but then he's very sensitive like that

InMySpareTime · 26/10/2023 14:12

Make me a channel of your peace annoyed me, mostly because of the last line. Nearly every note has two syllables wedged into it.
"Tha-a-ank you Lord for....Right where we are"
Was a perennial favourite, especially when an unwary teacher asked what we were thankful for, and someone would sweetly suggest "Our Souls", so we could cheerfully thank the Lord for Arseholes without being told off.

No1MumPendant · 26/10/2023 14:13

‘Think of a world without any flowers’ was SO depressing. Reminds me of being in an endless assembly in a stuffy hall that smelled of cheesy feet and whatever monstrosity they were cooking us for lunch Grin

I was at primary school in the 80s, in an inner London area with a massively diverse population. We sang a weird mixture of hymns, 60s folk music and songs from the Caribbean Grin. I don’t think there were many (if any) practising Christians. It was weird that you had all these kids singing about Jesus.

My worst religious song was ‘He’s got the whole world in his hands’, followed closely by ‘Jesus gives us the water of life’. Hated the upbeat, happy clappy ones. I was more into the moody ones. I loved Christmas and ‘In The Bleak Midwinter’.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 26/10/2023 14:14

MrsJellybee · 26/10/2023 13:51

Our school banned ‘If I had a hammer’. We were never allowed to sing it.

Colours of Day was the big favourite, and this hymn. It wasn’t in Come and Praise, but was on a huge scroll on the wall which the head would flip over with a giant pole:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7wZoZM6LEeE

My late dh wanted colours of day at his funeral- because of the chorus - so light up the fire and let the flames burn - always had a black sense of humour!!

Maaate · 26/10/2023 14:16

GOOOOOOO TELL IT ON THE MOOOOOOOUNTAIN

PissOffKen · 26/10/2023 14:16

We had most of these, plus one that started

‘A day’s work a week’s work, as I go up and down, there are many gardens all about the town.’

we’d get a massive bollocking every time for bouncing up and down.

also, the head or deputy head would randomly decide whether we were allowed to do the actions to certain songs or not, for example ‘the wise man built his house upon the rocks,’’ If you did the actions when you weren’t supposed to you’d get bald out in front of the whole school. The goody goody two shoes teachers pets would get called up to demonstrate the actions at the front when we were allowed.

greengreengrass25 · 26/10/2023 14:22

@ElinoristhenewEnid

Do like "Lord Jesus Christ"