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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

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FinnJuhl · 26/10/2023 14:25

Jet planes meeting in the air to be re-fuelled - this wasn't a thing even back in the 80s, but sounded super-glamorous and exciting, plus you had to take a really big breath to make it to the end of the line.. Autumn Days was the best!

FinnJuhl · 26/10/2023 14:27

Sorry you asked for loathe!, In which case:

This is the Day
This is the Day
That the Lord has Made
That the Lord has Made

A dull song, made duller by having to repeat every single line.

MegaBlox6 · 26/10/2023 14:29

Colours of day! My year 5 teacher drew an animation of that song, for some reason, on the back of a roll of wall paper. Whenever we sang that song, he'd stand on a chair and unravel his cartoon/wallpaper as we sang, so each verse we sang had a corresponding picture for us to look at. Never batted an eye lid at the time but seems quite a bizarre thing to do, thinking back on it.

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DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 14:29

@FinnJuhl never heard of that one! How very… redundant.

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catlovingdoctor · 26/10/2023 14:31

"Dear lord and father of mankind" - just so bloody depressing! I remember singing it on Thursdays in I think year 8 before the worst day of the week; double maths, French, DT....

I loved "Guide me O thou great redeemer" though, even though I'm not religious I find it uplifting.

Heronatemygoldfish · 26/10/2023 14:31

I utterly loathe kumbaya. Thought I'd never have to hear it again when I left school.
Decades later I joined Scouting and discovered it's a campfire song. Aaargh!

coxesorangepippin · 26/10/2023 14:34

I loved autumn days

BebbanburgIsMine · 26/10/2023 14:36

@FinnJuhl

I quite liked that one! We sang it at Ranger Guides though, not at school. Our headmaster was obsessed with "Lord of The Dance" and we had to sing that every single school day.

Every day for six years Grin

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 14:37

FinnJuhl · 26/10/2023 14:27

Sorry you asked for loathe!, In which case:

This is the Day
This is the Day
That the Lord has Made
That the Lord has Made

A dull song, made duller by having to repeat every single line.

Ironically, the next lines of this dirge were:

We will rejoice
We will rejoice
And be glad in it

😅

FreestyleInTrance · 26/10/2023 14:38

We had one called "I'm special" that no-one else seems to have mentioned... but I've googled it and it's real!

"I'm special because God has loved me,
For He gave the best thing that He had to save me;
His own Son Jesus, crucified to take the blame
For all the bad things I have done.

Thank You Jesus, thank You Lord,
For loving me so much.
I know I don't deserve anything.
Help me feel Your love right now,
To know deep in my heart
That I'm Your special friend."

Still weird!

All2Well · 26/10/2023 14:42

Oh...Jesus Hands Were Kind Hands was the obligatory "learn it on the recorder to play at assembly" hymn...SO badly played.

They used to sing different lyrics to JCSS at my school

"Jesus Christ! Superstar! Rides on a Harley and he wears a Bra!"

and

"We 3 Kings of Ribchester Square, selling ladies underwear, they're fantastic, they're elaaaaastic, buyyyyy your teacher a pair, oh-whoa, Star of Wonder, Star of Night, fill your knickers with dynamite..."

And I can't remember the next bit sadly! Ribchester Square was a very local place in our town.

SlurpSlooChortle · 26/10/2023 14:43

Morning has Broken was sung in such a high note that I couldn't bear it. Just used to mouth the words instead.

Loved 'We are climbing Je-soos ladder, ladder' as we got to stand up at the part that said "So...let's...all...Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory!" We felt like we were in sister Act.

Also liked in Autumn days when it used to say "No I mustn't forgeeeeet, To say a great big THANK YOU" as we used to shout that part.

When Jesus walked in Galilee was a ruddy tune.

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 14:45

I organise church weddings and I chuckle at the hymn choices, so often they are these dire school hymns - probably because that's the last time they were in church (which begs the question of why they want a church wedding!) Grin

We had give me oil in my lamp and Lord if the dance recently, leaving the church music was all I need is love ...

Barbadossunset · 26/10/2023 14:48

The Lord said to Noah
There's going to be a floody, floody
Lord said to Noah
There's going to be a floody, floody
Get those children out of the muddy, muddy
Children of the Lord
The Lord told Noah
To built him an arky, arky
Lord told Noah
To built him an arky, arky
Build it out of hickory barky, barky
Children of the Lord

and on for another 8 verses.

It made me cringe.

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 14:49

I liked hymns, still love hymns (less keen on sermons if I'm honest). Favourite from school days was praise my soul the king of heaven and dear lord and father of mankind but had a soft spot for lord of the dance.

Of more modern ones my kids sang at school I like the harvest samba best

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 14:50

I groan every time I see "Give me oil in my lamp" and "Lord of the Dance" on an order of service. People forget that the chorus means they're basically signing up for 8 or 10 verses rather and the 3- 5 max. And the congregation is exhausted by the end.

InMySpareTime · 26/10/2023 14:59

The old rugged cross is much less dirgey if sung bawdily. Ignore the words and sing it like you're in a Victorian East End pub at closing time.

LadyAsnowt · 26/10/2023 15:01

BoothsChristmasBook · 26/10/2023 13:17

Can't believe streets of London hasn't had a mention yet!

Or settle to Carlisle - and it's up in the morning lads, wind snow or hail ABSOLUTE BANGERS

On which planet is Streets of London a hymn?!!

ElinoristhenewEnid · 26/10/2023 15:04

FreestyleInTrance · 26/10/2023 14:38

We had one called "I'm special" that no-one else seems to have mentioned... but I've googled it and it's real!

"I'm special because God has loved me,
For He gave the best thing that He had to save me;
His own Son Jesus, crucified to take the blame
For all the bad things I have done.

Thank You Jesus, thank You Lord,
For loving me so much.
I know I don't deserve anything.
Help me feel Your love right now,
To know deep in my heart
That I'm Your special friend."

Still weird!

Love that hymn!

Stressybetty · 26/10/2023 15:10

Oh that Were you there? song nooo! Accompanied always by the awful school band all on recorders. We had another dire one supposedly written by one of our teachers called Cross over the Road. "Cross over the road my friend, ask the lord his strength to lend, his compassion has no end, cross over the road.. (duh duh on recorders).. cross over the road.

Irridescantshimmmer · 26/10/2023 15:11

Onward Christian soldiers......my friend who was a drama student and a pretty good one stood up and started to sing " give me hope Jo' hanna.

Steala · 26/10/2023 15:12

I loved Cross over the road!

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 26/10/2023 15:20

gotomomo · 26/10/2023 14:45

I organise church weddings and I chuckle at the hymn choices, so often they are these dire school hymns - probably because that's the last time they were in church (which begs the question of why they want a church wedding!) Grin

We had give me oil in my lamp and Lord if the dance recently, leaving the church music was all I need is love ...

It's always Lord of the sodding Dance and Oil in my fecking lamp at weddings now.
Why anyone thinks the verse
I danced on the morning
when the sky turned black.
It's hard to dance
With the Devil on your back

is suitable for a wedding I have no idea.
We did get 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' at one wedding I sang at. At least it made a change. 🤣

blobby10 · 26/10/2023 15:34

I love singing most hymns from all those books previously mentioned - when I was at High School in the early 80s we had daily assemblies with 2 hymns from our own hymnbooks (detention if you ever forgot it) - I think it was 'Ancient and Modern' - still have the book somewhere. Most of them were played by our music teacher at a good gallop so not too bad to sing. When my children went to Primary school it was all Come and Praise and I loved most of them except Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam, Kumbaya, Lord of the Dance or All thing B&B! I love 'One more Step Along the World I go' and have requested it at my funeral if my children decide they need to hold one. Shine Jesus Shine always made me tear up for some reason.

Sugarfree23 · 26/10/2023 15:40

I can't stand All things Bright & Beautiful- it get the blame of my loathing of the word Beautiful.
It's horrendous

Com by ah, would be a whole lot more meaningful if it was sang in English, Come by Me oh lord

What is Oxbow Lakes?