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Awful school hymns — which ones did you loathe?

354 replies

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:09

This is for those of you who had to sing hymns every morning in assembly at school — which were the ones you hated, that made you groan inside when they came up, and why?

For me it was a toss-up between One More Step Along The World I Go and Who Put The Colours In The Rainbow. Both of them toe-curlingly banal both musically and lyrically, both of them cringily childish in that way that's particularly objectionable to children who are just that little bit too old for something, and the former also having that nasty shoehorned mismatched meter that forces the emphasis on to all THE wrong words and syllABles. (Thankfully both were ditched by senior school, where the worst one musically was probably an alternative tune for All Things Bright And Beautiful. No, not the one you're thinking of. No, not that one either. A different tune , one that I've never been able to find corroborating evidence for online, which appeared to have been composed using note selection by dice-throw, in a hurry, and which they gave up on after the first disastrous all-school attempt.)

BTW I'm coming at this from a purely aesthetic perspective — I'm not and never have been a Christian, just had to sing the songs for a decade or so, some of which I enjoyed from a musical perspective, and others not .

OP posts:
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Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:54

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:51

Did your alphabet song start "Moi je sais l'alphabet, écoute, est-ce que c'est bon?" —because if so, we had the same one, from Encore Tricolore, and took great joy in yelling "Idiote!" at the end Grin

No, it went straight in for it..

L'Alphabet

My French teacher showed us this song and I've been stuck on it for the past day. Thought I might as well make a video for you guys to get addicted to the Fr...

https://youtu.be/Iw9ibBgI0v4?si=IvGd3JWwouDPf26t

housingplanningquestion · 26/10/2023 12:55

@KStockHERO Alongside KStock, you are also HERO. That cheered me right up!

ZittiEBuoni · 26/10/2023 12:55

I love a hymn thread! I went to a primary school with a very musical teacher who taught us loads of the great Victorian classics, which I loved. Then moved to another school where it was all Kum ba ya type shit.

Though there was one that started 'Dust and ashes lie over my grave', very cheerful song for infants to sing... The absolute worst had the word 'Alleluia' 8 times in a row, followed by 'Jesus is Lord', followed by 'And I love him', argh! I refused to join in for that one.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 26/10/2023 12:56

Jesus, kind above all other. Sung to Quem pastores. Can't stand the words and I hate the tune.

Globules · 26/10/2023 12:57

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:35

That was it! I loved that song, I’m sure it was song 55! Who has the book? Please check for me 😂

You're not the only one who loved it.

Did you know it charted the top 40 in 1972? 😳

EvelynSalt · 26/10/2023 12:57

Onward Christian Soldiers felt particularly intense for a bunch of under 13s at a not-technically-religious school

DavesSpareDeckChair · 26/10/2023 12:57

I thought "When I needed a neighbour" and "Kumbaya" were absolute dirges and no fun at all, but some of the others were fun to sing along to together and I almost miss being able to start every day with a big communal sing-along (and I'm a raging atheist!).

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/10/2023 12:57

You had hymn books? Fancy! We had an overhead projector which we had to take turns "turning" the pages.

ZittiEBuoni · 26/10/2023 12:57

My primary school taught us the Latin words to Quem Pastores, and a few others. Loved singing them! But had no clue what they meant.

Dishee · 26/10/2023 12:59

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/10/2023 12:57

You had hymn books? Fancy! We had an overhead projector which we had to take turns "turning" the pages.

Yes! This was us too, never saw the hymn book and not being funny as a Catholic school we had a whopping 16 children in my year group. Not like we were oversubscribed.

DumboHimalayan · 26/10/2023 12:59

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:54

No, it went straight in for it..

Efficient. Snazzy tune, too. I think you missed out, though, not being able to pointedly turn to your chosen classmate and belt out "idiote" when the time came around.

OP posts:
All2Well · 26/10/2023 13:00

As an overly sensitive child whose undiagnosed ADHD largely manifested itself as internalised (ie mental) hyperactivity and anxiety, often getting extremely vivid mental images of end of the world type scenarios...

Think of a World Without Any Flowers left me in the depths of depression most mornings.

It was the "think of a world without any people..." bit that would send me over the edge. Think wide eyed horror and wanting to sit in a corner with my hands over my ears wanting to rock back and forth.

WHY DID THEY MAKE CHILDREN SING THAT AWFUL SONG?!

Also hated Morning Has Broken.

Internally, I was like "yes it bloody well has and I'm stuck in this miserable bloody hell hole of a school again and to make it all worse it smells like it's fish pie for lunch. Oh well, at least in five minutes they'll make us sing Think of a World Without Any Flowers and I can think about the death of myself and everyone and everything I love until Maths when I'll actively wish myself dead rather than take part. And oh shit it's PE day. Someone give me chicken pox again. Please."

Happiest days of your life my arse.

justjeansandanicetop · 26/10/2023 13:01

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 12:18

I'd forgotten about "think of a world without any flowers" but I agree.
Also "when I needed a neighbour"

Is this the "I WAS COLD I WAS NAKED, WERE YOU THERE, WERE YOU THERE??"

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/10/2023 13:01

Praise, My Soul, The King Of Heaven and There Is a Redeemer still randomly pop into my head 30 years later. Real earworms.

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 13:03

justjeansandanicetop · 26/10/2023 13:01

Is this the "I WAS COLD I WAS NAKED, WERE YOU THERE, WERE YOU THERE??"

It's a bit Partridge, isn't it

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 13:03

I'm Jewish but went to a Christian school.

I used to despise "Make Me a Channel of Your Peace." Such a dirge. It was beloved of a certain teacher, so you knew you'd be singing it whenever she was leading assembly.

An absolute banger was "Jubilate" (deo... HEY!)

Isheabastard · 26/10/2023 13:04

I hated Morning has Broken, All Things Bright and Beautiful, and He’s got the Whole World in his Hands.

Thank you @Dishee This is a bit of a trip down memory lane, although many of them are new to me because the are after my time in school.

justjeansandanicetop · 26/10/2023 13:04

VeronicaBeccabunga · 26/10/2023 12:29

My kids had a dreadful song about Climbing Jesus Ladder, Ladder.
I think then they had to 'rise and shine and give god the glory, glory...'

I was always worrying about that ladder and appropriate apostrophes.

Loved that one. Haven't thought of it in years.

Ultimate favourite though - Give me oil in my lamp keep me burning

SmileSmileSmile

justjeansandanicetop · 26/10/2023 13:04

KStockHERO · 26/10/2023 12:30

Give me oil in my lamp..... Absolute banger.
At my primary, a lad called Brian (yes, a child called Brian) used to go "yee-haw" after the line "Sing Hosana to the king of kings" and get lunchtime detention every time we sang it.

😂

ElleCapitaine · 26/10/2023 13:05

All creatures that on earth do dwell
The lord is my shepherd
Abide with me

All awful dirges that we were made to sing all the time at school. Thanks, nuns.

BlueEyedPeanut · 26/10/2023 13:05

Dishee · 26/10/2023 12:59

Yes! This was us too, never saw the hymn book and not being funny as a Catholic school we had a whopping 16 children in my year group. Not like we were oversubscribed.

It's funny. We were an expensive prep and grammar school, yet not a hymn book between us. And we had to share the maths books and the photocopies of poems in English class. Cheap gits.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 26/10/2023 13:06

*Somehow it's never French verbs or rivers of Europe.

No, it's hymn numbers and which day of the week was potato croquette day*

And ox bow lakes.

I was at church schools in the 60s and early 70s - good old Victorian Methodist and Lutheran hymns. I think Lord of the Dance was as trendy as we got.

BarnacleBeasley · 26/10/2023 13:07

I quite liked When A Knight Won His Spurs (even though the not-quite-rhyme of 'gallant' and 'valiant' was a bit of a challenge). I despised 'Peace perfect peace is the gift of Christ our Lord'.

CesareBorgia · 26/10/2023 13:07

I liked all the traditional ones - my favourite was 'When A Knight Won His Spurs'.

I was disappointed when we got a new head in third year juniors and he threw out the hymn books and started us singing utter pap such as 'The Ink is Black'

Secondary school had no faith-based assemblies, so that was the end of hymn singing for me.

I'm an agnostic, but I sometimes think about going to a church just to relive the hymn-singing.

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 26/10/2023 13:09

Thisisnotmyname2022 · 26/10/2023 12:31

Is there one about a fire? I don’t think it was give me oil in my lamp. I want to say page 55 but that would be just weird 😂 x

I think this was Colours of Day?