Why do consultants ask about marriage?

[2023shady]

Might be a stupid question
Went to see a consultant at the hospital
Usual questions all fine, medical history, do I smoke, smear tests up to date etc etc
Then he asked if I was married. Said no
Next question do I have a partner or am I single

I asked if it affected my medical treatment and he said oh.. no. So I refused to answer
Not in a PITA way but.. do men get asked that?

I don’t think you can really compare it with whether men are asked although I do think any time that the illness or treatment for an illness might impact on fertility issues now or in the future have to potentially be considered they would ask men too.

Gah this sort of question would annoy me - it's just badly worded and can be really alienating. If it's about support at home, or home lifestyle etc, ask 'do you live with anyone?'. It's far more inclusive and gets the answer that matters.

I’ve seen a consultant three times recently and each time he has asked who is at home and how things are. I thought it was unusual but felt it was probably about support and how I am managing. He seemed interested when I talked about the dc and told me about his children too.

Post op care at home. Is there anyone to nurse/assist you.
The consultant was probably busy and that was just a routine question on a form to ask/tick off. I really wouldn’t read too much in to it.

Having said that it’s a bit weird they didn’t cut to the chase of it was that and just ask if you have children/want children/have you completed your family etc. A lot of people find that a lot more of a sensitive question though than whether they are married or have a partner, they might have been building up to it but having reacted in the way you did they decided not to go down that road!

I was at the hospital yesterday and was asked

who lives with me
next of kin
is he my husband? ( injury is to ring finger so no rings on. )
do I work?
what job do I do?
do I smoke?
do I drink?

I asked DH when I got home if he was asked the same questions the week before - he was in for asthma related issues. He said he wasn’t asked anything about work and who he lives with.

sometimes the questions don’t have much rhyme or reason to why they are related to the medical condition being treated.

And yes post op support issues if that is potentially on the cards could come into it too.

@Sodullincomparison but you don’t think that maybe they were asking about your job because you had a hand injury?! If you were eg a mechanic they’d not want you going to work until it’s healed due to infection risks etc?

Gynae for endometriosis (they can't do it there as it needs a bowel surgeon in theatre) but I was more puzzled they said that rather than do I have children/want them etc
Imagine I will be peri soon anyway so no chance of children can't afford one if I wanted any

I know I won't have any post op support but I'm ok with that, managed after my last one alone
Although looking at the wait list it'll be a while!

🤣🤣🤣

Are my smear tests up to date

Was it a gynaecologist? My endocrinologist and cardiologist have never asked about my smears so Just wondering if they were trying to link in to asking if you are sexually active?

you might be okay without any post op support but your surgeon might not.
based on his preference it may mean an overnight hospital stay or two which affects the consultant.
the post op care you receive might have a bigger impact on healing and outcome so knowing about your support system takes on more importance.

Hmm, does it though… imagine for this condition he wanted to know if she was
a. Sexually active
b. Likely to want children
c. Have someone at home to care for her after a procedure.

unfortunately some doctors seem to be unable to ask these direct question and pussy foot around with “are you married “ which they then assume a “yes” automatically answers yes to q1 through 3 by default.

the “are you living with someone” you suggest answers zero of these. I could be living with my elderly dad who has dementia, but it’s still a firm no to Q1-3, thank god. 🤣🤣I’m 65 and completely done with men and sex 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Yeah I get that. I'll have to discuss it with the hospital as the consultant I saw can't do it, and it can't be done at that hospital
Can have my neighbour look in on me for the first 24hrs

@Appleofmyeye2023 I would have much preferred those questions!
As it is they don't know if I'm sexually active, want/have children or have support at home
But even the "partner/single" question doesn't answer those

It’s nothing to do with you it’s a social history to build up a picture of your history in general. You sound a bit self obsessed to think the consultant has nothing better to do than ask if you’re married etc

Yes I put it a bit badly, I guess I just mean 'ask the question that gives you the information you need in the answer' - it's bonkers to me that doctors are unable to do that! So, if you need to know if someone's about at home who can look after you after, you ask that question. 'Is there someone at home who can help out while this is going on?' or whatever.

Asking if someone is married gives no real answer to any of these questions- I'm not married. Can you tell me if I'm sexually active, want kids or have someone at home with me?

GAHHH!!!

not all "neighbors" are fine with intimate care and staying at your home overnight.
equally you most likely don't know if they are carriers of antibiotic resistant microorganisms be it staph/strep/or e-coli likewise hep or any other disease that could be passed onto you.
and certainly would be more prone to cancelling (fall family stuff etc.) than a husband or wife.

I once was at an appointment with my son (who has disabilities..appointment was for him)
The consultant was dictating his notes while we were still sitting there, which I thought was a bit rude actually , but he then stated into his recorder ' Mrs X, single Mother attended today with Y'..

I butted in with, 'excuse me? where did you get that from?!'
He said, ' well you aren't wearing a wedding ring.'

'No because many years ago I took it off to wash some paint off my hands and have never seen it since... I have been happily married for nearly 30 years!'

He was a bit more polite after that It just really annoyed me that he was making assumptions!

Reminds me of my booking in appointment nearly 30 years ago. The right on midwife asked if I had a partner. I said "no". She then adopted her "understanding" face and asked about my home, support and whether I knew how hard it would be to be a single parent. She was most offended when I said that wouldn't be an issue because I had a husband. One would have hoped the title Mrs and the wedding ring might have been clues.

Medics need to learn to.provide context for their questions - you know because the patients are largely sentient other humans.

So, you have an incorrect answer. How is that her fault?

Btw, I'm 55 and never been married, no-one ever seems "confused" by this.

DSIS had to visit a doctor when she was living in the USA. She said that the main difference she noticed about the questions she was asked was that a lot of them were about our parents health.

I was asked this last week- who I lived with and I answered DH and DS (23). I assumed he was asking about post op support.

@VanGoghsDog I gave the correct answer. I didn't have a partner, I had and still have a husband. That's why my title was Mrs. It isn't rocket science.