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Original poster

Would you tell the school your child isn’t doing detention in this situation?

338 replies

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 18:43

my DD is in Y13 and has got an after school detention due to being late to one of her subject classes two times in the same week. She was only a few minutes late on both occasions - no more than 5 minutes.

In normal circumstances, I would agree with the detention as she should not be being late, I know it happens occasionally as we can get held up at times, but there are no excuses for her being late twice in such a short period of time.

However, the reason I am annoyed at her getting this detention is because the teacher of the subject class she was late to, and is getting the detention as a result of it, is late to class quite often.

For example, DD tells me that the teacher is usually 5-10 minutes late every Monday afternoon when they have that class after lunch. So clearly the teacher has problems getting from the staff room to the classroom in time for the start of the lesson?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my dd to be spoken to and warned about being late, but I find it absolutely pathetic that this teacher has recommend her head of year give her a detention when the teacher in question is guilty of the same thing - is it not a bit hypocritical?

Not sure why they think this teacher’s lunch break is more important than her a level class but if the student is late then it’s the end of the world.

I’m not sure on how to proceed with this one, but I genuinely feel like ringing the school and telling them to withdraw the detention unless they’re going to discipline the teacher for being late!

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 10/10/2023 19:25

The teacher could be on duty. I do a club every lunchtime and have to get from one place to the next and could be late to class.
Not saying this happened but it could be a factor. There could have been a fight or she is dealing with something important.

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 10/10/2023 19:25

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:18

Once a week is not acceptable! Why defend that?

My daughter was late twice, like I say not something that happens very often, so if you’re going to compare her against the teacher, please don’t shame my dd because her record of lateness is much less than the teacher’s.

Show quote history

Where have I defended it?

Where have I shamed your daughter?

Go back & read my post again.

You made a point about hypocrisy - I pointed out that there is discretion applied TO BOTH SIDES regarding being late once a week, so there is no hypocrisy.

Twillow · 10/10/2023 19:26

Don't do it. Your child needs to learn to accept rules with grace,. You might suggest that she writes a polite note to the teacher to explain her sense of injustice though?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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AuroraForever · 10/10/2023 19:26

I’m sorry OP but I call bullshit! You’re mad because DD has told you she’s got a detention for being late so she’s told you the teacher is also late to make you redirect your anger at the teacher and not her! Seen it, heard it a million times! You’re not in the class yourself to verify what your DD is telling you about the teacher’s lateness so unless you can confirm it with your own eyes and know it as fact for gods sake do not embarrass yourself by calling the school to get them to retract the detention! If she’s Y13 she should be handling this herself anyway by making her own choice to either go or not go and face the consequences.

Original poster
beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:27

tiredofthisshitt · 10/10/2023 19:23

Teachers are not answerable to the kids, despite what some entitled parents think. I'm sometimes a bit late to my A Level lessons. The reason?

  • a crying child
  • a fight (I got punched in the last one)
Speaking to someone about poor behaviour
  • covering a duty for an absent colleague

Does your daughter do these?

I rarely have time to eat my lunch in that half hour. I can usually manage a quick loo stop thankfully.

I can assure you it's not because I'm sat drinking my cuppa and not being bothered.

Teachers also don't have to wear uniform, hand in homework, call adults Mr or Miss or Ms. That's because they're not pupils. The rules are, whether you like it or not, different.

Your post comes across as entitled.

I’m not being entitled by expecting my child’s subject teacher to show up on time to educate my child.

Nobody would have a problem if she was late once in a while, it happens to us all, but come on, she’s late every single week, how in any way is that acceptable?

they don’t have to follow the same rules, but I’m sure attending their work on time is a rule that they do have to follow.

I find it a bit strange that this teacher would have to deal with incidents every single Monday at lunch!

OP posts:
ConnieTucker · 10/10/2023 19:27

You're of course being a twat, but you obviously know that.

ShanghaiDiva · 10/10/2023 19:28

ConnieTucker · 10/10/2023 19:27

You're of course being a twat, but you obviously know that.

I’m not convinced she does know that..

LoobyDop · 10/10/2023 19:28

Potofteaplease · 10/10/2023 19:09

I agree. I would have thought they’d treat them like adults. Really bizarre. Fine to have a chat about being there at the start of the lesson/importance of A levels etc, but not to treat them as though they are irresponsible year 7s

And yet here is the nearly 18 year old running to her mummy because it’s not fair.

Applesarenice · 10/10/2023 19:28

As she’s always late on the same day I’d assume she has a duty or meeting that always overruns and is out of her control. Comments about sitting in the staff room are very short sighted and completely uncalled for

HappyHamsters · 10/10/2023 19:28

Are you the daughter?

SoIRejoined · 10/10/2023 19:29

The problem OP is that you are only making a fuss about the teacher being late now that your child has a detention. If you, or your daughter, were concerned about the teacher being late you should have taken it up with the school. It seems instead your daughter is just using it as an excuse to be late herself. You will look a right wally if you complain to the school now and use this as an excuse for your daughter not doing detention.

IwishIdidntlikesugar · 10/10/2023 19:29

Why was your daughter late?
As for the teacher, who knows why they are late. Haven’t the students asked him/her?

onestepfromgrace · 10/10/2023 19:29

FFS the hypocrisy of you saying the teacher should set an example and yet you are setting your DD a worse one harping on about this. Just suck it up and save your energy for something important.

AllWeWantToDo · 10/10/2023 19:30

Is it you that can't get the story straight or your dd

Honestly, year 13 and she's still trying to pull this crap. And you want to complain about it for her?

No wonder some of them go of to uni and end up struggling so much

Original poster
beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:31

AuroraForever · 10/10/2023 19:26

I’m sorry OP but I call bullshit! You’re mad because DD has told you she’s got a detention for being late so she’s told you the teacher is also late to make you redirect your anger at the teacher and not her! Seen it, heard it a million times! You’re not in the class yourself to verify what your DD is telling you about the teacher’s lateness so unless you can confirm it with your own eyes and know it as fact for gods sake do not embarrass yourself by calling the school to get them to retract the detention! If she’s Y13 she should be handling this herself anyway by making her own choice to either go or not go and face the consequences.

Sorry to disappoint you, but my daughter isn’t a liar so I have no reason to believe she would make this up.

I honestly would be happy for her head of year to warn her about being late, but I really just think there is something hypocritical about her being issued a detention when this teacher is late too.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but as much as I expect my daughter to show up to class on time, I also think it’s reasonable to expect the teacher to show up on time.

OP posts:
jumpfh · 10/10/2023 19:33

You're that parent.

Good luck.

Itisyourturntowashthebath · 10/10/2023 19:34

The teacher was 5 min late, the teachers was 10 min late, the teacher was 15 min late, was your DD really 20 min late?

PedrosHag · 10/10/2023 19:34

😂 I am cringing for this poster.

PedrosHag · 10/10/2023 19:35

I can even hear her imperious voice.

tiredofthisshitt · 10/10/2023 19:35

"Sorry to disappoint you, but my daughter isn’t a liar so I have no reason to believe she would make this up."

Oh OP don't be ridiculous. All children tell lies. Newsflash - even yours - unless you have some amazing parenting technique (please do share because mine have told whoppers in the past!)

She's exaggerating, any parent who says "my child isn't a liar" is deluded. They. All. Tell. Lies. It's part of childhood! And no wonder if you're gullible enough to believe it.

It's a late detention. She got it because she was late. Personally I wouldn't give 6th formers a detention for that, but your school does - and she needs to just suck it up. As do you.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 10/10/2023 19:37

I find it a bit strange that this teacher would have to deal with incidents every single Monday at lunch!

Things that need to be dealt with happen every single day at lunchtime, at break time, lesson time, lesson changeover and things that overspill from home or friendships. This teacher probably has a duty every Monday at lunch, so there are things to be dealt with - why do you think it’s strange? There are probably 1000-1400 students in a school. Are you that gormless and oblivious that you think that nothing happens? If only that were the case.

feelingalittlehorse · 10/10/2023 19:38

How did the teacher know your DD was a few minutes late, if she herself was 10 minutes late 🤔🤔

That aside, imagine being 17/18 years old and whinging to your mum that you got a detention. You better get some contact details for any future universities now; just incase you need to make any complaints there on her behalf…..

dothehokeycokey · 10/10/2023 19:38

@beeonmybonnett

Just a heads up here but maybe you could ask
To have a chat with the teacher and ask if your dd has been continuously late and how late etc etc rather than just relying on what your dd has told you?

Thing is kids can and do stretch the truth and you don't know if that teacher is dealing with issues that arise as part of being a staff member in a school
Full of kids.

Don't put your dd as a student on the same level as the teacher for god sake Hmm

When they think they are the same level respect and boundaries get very lost.

This is half the problem now with a lot of kids in schools and why the behaviour and attitude towards staff is so bad

LividGas · 10/10/2023 19:39

Your kid is having you on and you need to not be so bloody gullible.

Original poster
beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:39

Having taken all your comments into consideration, I will be encouraging my dd to attend her detention. She was wrong and she should probably do the detention.

Now that I have calmed down a bit, I will not be contacting the school to cancel the detention, but I will be asking to speak to her HoY to say that whilst she was wrong for being late and will be doing the detention, that this teacher’s lateness also needs to be addressed and rectified as it is impacting on the teaching of DD’s class during that lesson on a Monday afternoon.

OP posts: