Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you tell the school your child isn’t doing detention in this situation?

338 replies

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 18:43

my DD is in Y13 and has got an after school detention due to being late to one of her subject classes two times in the same week. She was only a few minutes late on both occasions - no more than 5 minutes.

In normal circumstances, I would agree with the detention as she should not be being late, I know it happens occasionally as we can get held up at times, but there are no excuses for her being late twice in such a short period of time.

However, the reason I am annoyed at her getting this detention is because the teacher of the subject class she was late to, and is getting the detention as a result of it, is late to class quite often.

For example, DD tells me that the teacher is usually 5-10 minutes late every Monday afternoon when they have that class after lunch. So clearly the teacher has problems getting from the staff room to the classroom in time for the start of the lesson?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my dd to be spoken to and warned about being late, but I find it absolutely pathetic that this teacher has recommend her head of year give her a detention when the teacher in question is guilty of the same thing - is it not a bit hypocritical?

Not sure why they think this teacher’s lunch break is more important than her a level class but if the student is late then it’s the end of the world.

I’m not sure on how to proceed with this one, but I genuinely feel like ringing the school and telling them to withdraw the detention unless they’re going to discipline the teacher for being late!

OP posts:
1month · 10/10/2023 19:51

I think it’s ridiculous that a Y13 would get a detention anyway.

In my school Y12 & Y13s we’re responsible for their own learning and time keeping, if they turned up late or didn’t turn up then that was their issue.

You cannot complain though, she’s a young adult.
If she wants to make a complaint then help her with the wording and who go contact but if does need to be her doing it.

nailsathome · 10/10/2023 19:51

I don't know where you have this idea that a teachers' sole role is to educate in a classroom, if that were the case I would love my job! You need to listen here - she wasn't late for her job, she was performing part of her job in a different location. It just so happens that on a Monday afternoon she is expected to perform 2 parts of her job simultaneously in different places. Between us on this thread alone, the teachers and other reasonable people could give you a hundred reasons why she might be late to a lesson.

Houseplantmad · 10/10/2023 19:53

Your DD has no idea of the teacher’s commitments - and clearly she has one as it’s happening every Monday.
A year 13 class should be quite capable of getting on with their work. They’re quite clear of the expectations of them for this year.
Tell your daughter to do the detention, get on with her work when she’s not supervised, and don’t be that parent.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education
bzarda · 10/10/2023 19:54

You haven't listened to other people pointing out the very reasonable (and likely) reasons for why the teacher is late, but think about it from another angle - is this the lesson you want to teach your daughter? She can break the rules as long as others do so too?

How will you getting her out of a detention help her in the long run? Is she going to refuse to do things at work because her boss doesn't have to do it?

She's almost an adult and I'm sure you'd rather she learnt how to deal with things herself within the safe and cushioned environment of school, not the real world where she could be fired or recieve a poor reference for being late!

BCBird · 10/10/2023 19:55

I am late for ever lesson on Tuessay after break as I am on duty. Your daughter should do the detention. Any issue you have with the teacher's punctuality should because separately

dressedforcomfort · 10/10/2023 19:55

You are totally being unreasonable. You're assuming the teacher is just lazy and you have no idea of the circumstances.

The teacher could have been on dinner duty,
They could have been dealing with a behaviour issue in the corridors
They could have been dealing with a student in distress.
Their tutor room may be at the far end of school from their teaching classroom and they are having to move through slow moving crowds

When I was a teacher I dealt with all of these on a regular basis.

Makingplansfor2029 · 10/10/2023 19:56

Why are you getting involved with year 13 detentions. If your daughter has a problem with it she needs to discuss with the teacher or head of year. She doesn’t need mummy writing in on her behalf

donquixotedelamancha · 10/10/2023 19:56

beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 19:39

Having taken all your comments into consideration, I will be encouraging my dd to attend her detention. She was wrong and she should probably do the detention.

Now that I have calmed down a bit, I will not be contacting the school to cancel the detention, but I will be asking to speak to her HoY to say that whilst she was wrong for being late and will be doing the detention, that this teacher’s lateness also needs to be addressed and rectified as it is impacting on the teaching of DD’s class during that lesson on a Monday afternoon.

Please, please do it in writing OP. It's much more fun if we can read this stuff out verbatim, rather than just telling the story.

The most recent one we had like the OP was a father who had a lengthy meeting with the head because his DD didn't get the lead in the school play.

2weekstowait · 10/10/2023 19:58

Never heard of a detention in 6th Form.

Wasywasydoodah · 10/10/2023 20:00

tell her to suck it up and do the detention. I always say you can’t change other people’s behaviour, only your own. So she needs to fix her lateness and take the detention. Then complain about teacher lateness as a separate issue

2weekstowait · 10/10/2023 20:01

At our school, if a student was consistently late or absent from lessons for no good reason, they might be warned they could lose their place rather than be given an immature punishment like detention.

CoatesCat · 10/10/2023 20:01

Are you going to ask the head to give the teacher a detention?

Original poster
beeonmybonnett · 10/10/2023 20:01

donquixotedelamancha · 10/10/2023 19:56

Please, please do it in writing OP. It's much more fun if we can read this stuff out verbatim, rather than just telling the story.

The most recent one we had like the OP was a father who had a lengthy meeting with the head because his DD didn't get the lead in the school play.

Show quote history

Jeez, I thought I was being fair with that approach! I can’t win!

It needs to be mentioned to the school that this teacher is late all the time , I want to know why.

OP posts:
Bovrilla · 10/10/2023 20:02

@donquixotedelamancha ah, the staffroom giggles at those incidents

We had once where we had a parent coming on swinging for the head as they suspended their little darling for basically losing his shizzle in a room and he had to be locked in there for the safety of everyone else. The room was wrecked.

Apparently this was the schools fault for locking him in.

Same kid had broken another one's bone, and intimidated female staff in very threatening ways.

Apparently it was schools fault then too 🤣🤣🤣

maddiemookins16mum · 10/10/2023 20:02

YABVVU for all the reasons already mentioned.

God help some teachers.

Bovrilla · 10/10/2023 20:03

@beeonmybonnett I reckon we all want to know why you'd daughter thinks it's ok to be constantly late with no excuse and varying times of how late she is.

And even then, she's after the late teacher.

What's her excuse? We want to know.

And white rightly we have no right to know it, just like you have no right to go demanding about this teacher's reasons either.

JanefromLondon1 · 10/10/2023 20:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

GDIL · 10/10/2023 20:04

Enjoy my retirement AngelinaFibres? I skip with delight every day and am sure you do too!
Rarely do I engage with discussions about school but this one’s a corker!

DiaryOfaTTCer · 10/10/2023 20:06

OP, since you seem to know everything there is to know about teaching and all of the varied things that could possibly crop up at lunchtime to cause you to be late to a lesson (printer is broken, safeguarding issue, breaking up a fight, speaking to a concerned parent on the phone, supporting an upset student who doesn't understand their homework, supervising lunchtime detentions etc etc), why don't you just call up at the school and demand that the teacher tells you exactly what they are doing to be late one a week? I'm sure it will go down well.

Bovrilla · 10/10/2023 20:07

It'll give the staffroom a laugh @DiaryOfaTTCer

Imnoonesfool · 10/10/2023 20:10

ShanghaiDiva · 10/10/2023 18:58

You dd was late to lessons and the rule is that she is placed in detention. This is one issue and you acknowledge she was late therefore the sanction is appropriate.
The teacher is regularly late to class. You are not happy about this and can raise this with school and ask for the issue to be addressed, but it is separate from you dd’s detention. Combining the two issues and asking for the detention to not be imposed because the teacher is late will make you, imo, make you look like a pillock.

Show quote history

This 👆

donquixotedelamancha · 10/10/2023 20:10

Bovrilla · 10/10/2023 20:02

@donquixotedelamancha ah, the staffroom giggles at those incidents

We had once where we had a parent coming on swinging for the head as they suspended their little darling for basically losing his shizzle in a room and he had to be locked in there for the safety of everyone else. The room was wrecked.

Apparently this was the schools fault for locking him in.

Same kid had broken another one's bone, and intimidated female staff in very threatening ways.

Apparently it was schools fault then too 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah, I've had my share of those.

I once took a phone off a kids who was trunating class and on the phone to his mum. The mum started screaming at me down the phone, insisting I 'had it in for her family' and had assaulted the boy's older sister when she was 11.

The older sister hadn't joined the school until age 14 and I only started teaching her when she was 15. I had done dozens of hours of additional support with the daughter- mine was the only subject she passed (two Cs, she got Us in everything else).

DiaryOfaTTCer · 10/10/2023 20:11

"It needs to be mentioned to the school that this teacher is late all the time , I want to know why"

You're not entitled to know. It's none of your business what another professional is doing or why something might overrun. You don't have a right to that information just because you pay taxes.

Do you demand that your doctor and dentists explain why their appointments and clinics are always constantly overrunning? Doubt it.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 10/10/2023 20:11

It needs to be mentioned to the school that this teacher is late all the time , I want to know why.

I very much doubt the school will tell you why. They don't have to. As has been pointed out, there may be good reasons why the teacher has been late. The school is under no obligation to tell you what those reasons are.

Ratsoffasinkingsauage · 10/10/2023 20:13

OP- do not go in and straight away say she isn’t doing the detention and make a complaint about the teacher. It is going to end up very embarrassing for you. Trust me, we have this all the time with sixth formers.

Instead, call to discuss your child’s detention and ask for more details. You might be surprised to find there is a bigger background on this that your DD hasn’t share. She probably isn’t trying to be actively dishonest but rather telling the story to paint herself in a more favourable light.

If, and only if, you really feel like you have to comment on it, then report what your DD has said about the teacher lateness. You’ll probably get a similar answer to things already shared in here- duty, tutor group over the other side of the school, pastoral responsibilities etc.

I’ve had dozens of these phone calls from parents. They either end one of two ways:

  1. Embarrassed silence as they work out that their child was dishonest, followed by an apology.

  2. Absolutely hit the roof because they can’t accept their kid would lie to them and escalate things endlessly. These are the people who cause good teachers to leave the profession. They are psychopaths. And the kid often ends up dropping out or failing. It is a definite pattern.