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Original poster

Have you ever been told you are intimidating/scary?

116 replies

cecilythornton · 09/10/2023 19:57

It turns out that some colleagues thought I was intimidating/scary. I mentioned this to dh and he said some of his friends had asked him if he was scared of me too!

This is such strange news to me. I always thought of myself as quite nice and chatty/friendly.

DH thinks it’s because I’m a well educated woman and some men find that intimidating. I’m well spoken, dress fairly traditionally, and I suppose not awfully unattractive.

OP posts:
occa · 09/10/2023 19:59

Yes, I have on quite a few occasions. Just code for 'woman who knows what she's talking about' ime.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 09/10/2023 20:01

Yes. Loads of times. Despite the fact I'm physically tiny.

I'm smart, I'm confident, and I have resting bitch face. I think that's all it takes really. It doesn't worry me, rather the reverse if anything.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 09/10/2023 20:02

Yep and I’m happy with that.

DragonflyLady · 09/10/2023 20:03

Yup.

AutumIsOrange · 09/10/2023 20:04

Since I was about 16. By men, never by women. Just means I won’t tolerate their shit.

LemonLymanDotCom · 09/10/2023 20:07

Yes and only by men. Mostly men that I think expect women to be meek & mild, neither of which I am. I think it’s a method to try and put women back in their place or something.

HermioneWeasley · 09/10/2023 20:07

Yes. It just means you’re a woman who doesn’t simper. Interestingly I don’t get it any more - I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or more senior and therefore it’s more expected that I’ll have an opinion and state it clearly whereas that was less expected when I was younger and more junior.

tedgran · 09/10/2023 20:09

My stepdaughter,(who I get on with really well, ) says that I have a "death glare" when I look at misbehaving children!

Thingsthatgo · 09/10/2023 20:09

Yes. It was a surprise to me when someone first mentioned it, but I fully embraced it! Grin

BobbinThreadbare123 · 09/10/2023 20:10

Yep. Pretty much only by men. It's code for a woman who they can't talk over or browbeat, and who knows what she's talking about.

CandyLeBonBon · 09/10/2023 20:11

Yep. Many times. I'm 5' and know my stuff and am not frightened to be assertive when I need to be.

beastlyslumber · 09/10/2023 20:11

HermioneWeasley · 09/10/2023 20:07

Yes. It just means you’re a woman who doesn’t simper. Interestingly I don’t get it any more - I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or more senior and therefore it’s more expected that I’ll have an opinion and state it clearly whereas that was less expected when I was younger and more junior.

Or maybe now those people find you so intimidating, they don't even dare to tell you!

I've been called intimidating throughout my life (by men and women) but I'm kind, sweet and cuddly! I just don't mind stating my opinion, being independent, being confident etc.

SylvieLaufeydottir · 09/10/2023 20:11

I've had it from both men and women, fwiw. Mostly men. Also less so as I get older.

MyBedIsMySpiritualHome · 09/10/2023 20:12

Yes. By men and women.
I don’t know why though. I always try to be friendly and reasonable.

CalistoNoSolo · 09/10/2023 20:12

Yes indeed. But I take no shit and have an extremely low bullshit tolerance. I'm also a stranger to tact (just can't get the hang of it unfortunately) so I can be pretty blunt at times. People (men) seem to find all of these things frightening. But they dont really, it's just another way to put women down.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 09/10/2023 20:12

Yes, always by men.

icelollycraving · 09/10/2023 20:12

Yes. More when I was younger and ambitious. The company I worked for at the time embraced it. The company I work for now are more fluffy and I have softened.
Sometimes at the school gate when I was not interested in the mum cliques, I gave off fuck off vibes to the irritating ones. The ones I liked, not so much.

JudyGemstone · 09/10/2023 20:13

SylvieLaufeydottir · 09/10/2023 20:11

I've had it from both men and women, fwiw. Mostly men. Also less so as I get older.

Same as this

emmetgirl · 09/10/2023 20:13

Many times. I find it hilarious

MrsSchadenfreude · 09/10/2023 20:15

Yes, only by men. Usually senior military types.

48Times11 · 09/10/2023 20:16

I was once walking with my DCs and one of their friends- all aged around 12 or so. We came across some older teens who were throwing rocks at a young seagull and I waded in and gave them a thorough dressing down.

A few minutes later my DS1's friend whispered to DS; 'Your mum is fierce'.

It was meant as a huge compliment and was one of the few occasions the Dcs were not crawling into a hole with embarrassment by being in my mere presence.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 09/10/2023 20:19

Indeed.

In my case people seem extremely threatened when it becomes clear that I have a lot of in-depth knowledge about several different complex areas.

Over the years I've cultivated ways of trying to put people at their ease, and this works fine until I have to explain something to someone or tell them that they're wrong and why. I think people just don't expect me to know things.

Jellykat · 09/10/2023 20:19

Yes.
When i was younger as a 6ft, bleached blonde, Steel toe cap wearer.. but nowadays because im not afraid to challenge people if i dont agree, and dont waste time nambying around.
My motto these days is 'fgs just get on with it!'

Forcedoutoflurking · 09/10/2023 20:19

Yes, me too, and I share most of the traits other posters have mentioned. Also quite like it!

VeggieSausage · 09/10/2023 20:21

Yes, when I was younger, and only by men. I always felt it was a way of putting me in my place as they were intimidated by an intelligent / academic woman (although they were often people who were at the same level as me). I also found that often they would end up trying to ask me out (!!!) Which was pretty odd!!!