Have you ever been told you are intimidating/scary?

[cecilythornton]

It turns out that some colleagues thought I was intimidating/scary. I mentioned this to dh and he said some of his friends had asked him if he was scared of me too!

This is such strange news to me. I always thought of myself as quite nice and chatty/friendly.

DH thinks it’s because I’m a well educated woman and some men find that intimidating. I’m well spoken, dress fairly traditionally, and I suppose not awfully unattractive.

Yes by students in my profession.
I ask questions and set goals. I then follow up on the goals. Then I let them fly.

I would then introduce them to the patient as this is xxx they will be your nurse today, I'll make sure they don't kill you but they are your nurse. Made them accountable and understand the responsibilities of the role.....less likely to have newly qualified meltdown.

Surgeons (male) would say I am intimidating because I don't let them get away with not explaining things to patients.

yes my ex husband

Yep. Only ever by men. Never by women.

I am generally friendly, smiley, very chatty, I seem to get on well with people generally. Always help others where I can.

Im pretty confident, tall, reasonably attractive and intelligent. But I can be quite direct when it’s needed. I also will always act strongly if I feel a sense of injustice or disrespect (to myself or others). Friends come to me with real problems because I will tell them the truth and not necessarily just what they want to hear.

I am also a litigation lawyer and went to an all girl private school which probably does give a certain vibe.

Men probably do find some of this intimidating but they rephrase it as “scary” because they prefer their women meek and mild, who should be seen and not heard…

Yes. By men and women. I'm don't tend to stick my neck out unless I think something is right, that I am right or the situation is not right. When I do, it's with assertion and well considered argument. That is not a quality appreciated by everyone.

Yes . By both men and women . Having worked in a job where sometimes I have literally had to fight for respect since the 90’s , I now have no fucks to give . Don’t get me wrong , I’m not nasty , or mean , I love teaching people how to do my job well , and I abhor bullying of any kind , having been the victim of it from childhood on . I’ll be endlessly helpful and patient to those who need me . But I don’t suffer fools gladly , and if people need their fortune telling , I’ll tell it. Regardless of who they are or how many pips they wear .

i can’t bear bad behaviour , or rudeness , or crap customer service , and now I won’t entertain it . Fuck that . And if that makes me ‘scary’ then so be it .

Me too. Exactly the same. I'm friendly too. But I don't take any messing. People see that.

I've been told this since I was a kid. I'm honest, straight talking and smart. Also funny and tear strips of people with sarcasm if they deserve it but I'm kind and sensitive in truth. Not sure why people see me that way and find it intimidating. I just can't suffer fools.

I've never been told that I am intimidating, but I was once asked to announce something in a group because "you're really confident".
I'm not at all. But I do it if I have to!

Only when I've been very emotionally dysregulated due to BPD and CPTSD. I don't think I'm anymore scary than a wet paper bag when I'm not having a crisis.

Yes & no issue with it. It's usually well educated confident women who get labelled as Dragons. I stand no nonsense from anyone, but will help anyone that genuinely needs help. I am well educated, have what my husband calls a posh accent & not lacking in confidence. I now work in finance, after a few years as a Nanny, you have no idea how well the 'disappointed nanny look' works with overly bombastic high finance types😂 Had to laugh a few weeks back. I was waiting for hubby outside a coffee shop with our new rescue dog who is v nervous, 'gang' of youths , average age about 12 were bursting balloons they had nicked from somewhere, generally running riot & trying to be intimidating. They frightened the dog & I went (as my hubby calls it) full British Nanny, gave them what for & told them to go home as past their bedtime... They were so taken aback they ran off, with one giving a parting shot of no my bedtime is 8pm 😂😂. 2 ladies came to stand next to me, as they had been quite scared & thought they'd be safe with me! Told my hubby when he came out, I'd scared off a gang of hoodies.. I'm 5'2" & look like Mrs Pepperpot😂🤣

Yes, many times over the years. It is code for 'Can see through my bullshit and won't put up with it' haha.

@JudyGemstone
That's a really good point, I get ' very posh' a lot & I'm far from it.

Quite a few times, it doesn't bother me. I have Resting Scary Face a lot of the time apparently.

Yep. I wear it as a badge of honour. If you’re intimidated by me that’s your problem not mine 😁(I’m actually really nice to most people 😂)

Yes! By students and colleagues. My children's friends. And I am not at all 😂