Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If you've been ditched by a best friend how long did it take to get over it?

123 replies

Chevrom192 · 07/10/2023 14:51

My best friend of 30 years 'dumped' me 6 months ago. Nothing I'd done wrong, she'd just out grown the friendship but she cut all contact before I could even reply. It was absolutely brutal and I'm still reeling from it. I cant believe I'll never see her again.

If anyone's been through similar, how long did it take you to feel normal again? I get waves of sadness and anger and I wish I could just switch it off.

I've got a full, busy life and other people more deserving of my love/time/energy. I'm trying to focus on that but it's so difficult.

OP posts:
Mylovelygreendress · 07/10/2023 15:01

Several years ago my best friend of 20+ years broke off all contact .
I had discovered that her DH was having an affair which he admitted to me. He laughed when I told him he should end his affair . He didn’t.
I told my friend as she had always said cheating was a red line for her but instead of dumping her DH , she dumped me ! She is still with him .
I reckon it took me about a year to get over it all.

Original poster
Chevrom192 · 07/10/2023 15:03

Mylovelygreendress · 07/10/2023 15:01

Several years ago my best friend of 20+ years broke off all contact .
I had discovered that her DH was having an affair which he admitted to me. He laughed when I told him he should end his affair . He didn’t.
I told my friend as she had always said cheating was a red line for her but instead of dumping her DH , she dumped me ! She is still with him .
I reckon it took me about a year to get over it all.

Wow, that's awful! Sorry that happened to you. It's so sad to lose someone that's been such a huge part of your life for so long. Hopefully I'll be feeling better in another 6 months!

OP posts:
JenaWren · 07/10/2023 15:11

Something similar happened to me. Long term friendship. She behaved in quite an unkind way (mocking me in public) and when I asked her to stop she took it very badly.

I didn't think it was that big a deal but she did and cut me off.

The first 6 months were hard but then I realised just how hard it had been trying to maintain our friendship. I think we had grown apart over a long time and rally didn't have the same values anymore.

It's really horrible and I feel for you. It will get better as time goes on.

Mylovelygreendress · 07/10/2023 15:13

I occasionally see ex friend and she always crosses the road 🤷‍♀️. I am absolutely fine now with a lovely family and great friends but it hurt at the time .

Slothlikemum · 07/10/2023 15:17

My best friend dropped me when I had kids. She was horrible to me and totally dumped me. That was 10 years ago bi don't miss her but it did hit me in the chest when I met her at a wedding last week. Especially since she was Uber fake and came up to give me a big hug and say hi when she saw me. I walked away.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/10/2023 15:25

My bf of nearly 40 years started ghosting me when I wouldn't watch her crazy Covid videos or read the claptrap she sent me. We chugged along after, she was my bridesmaid but she started up again and ghosted me again. I was upset but realised it was her problem and I haven't spoken to her now for over a year. I genuinely didn't know how I would cope without her at first

Riverlee · 07/10/2023 15:35

i got dumped by a mum I met at mum and tots group. She moved slightly further away, but I still made the effort to visit her once a month. Slowly I realised that there was always an excuse when I couldn’t call over, sister visiting etc. slowly I got the message and stopped calling. To be honest, I look back and can’t see any reason for it. Kids are now early to mid twenties and I still wonder why, as there was no obvious trigger. I’d love to know how the kids are getting on etc, and actually wonder whether she was in an abusive and controlling relationship. (The doors always open if you’re reading this in Newport Pagnell).

Original poster
Chevrom192 · 07/10/2023 15:42

Thanks for all the replies.

I almost wish we'd had a big bust up, I've got so much pent up that I want to say to her. The way she just cut me off, blocked me with no conversation after 30 years was such an awful thing to do.

I hope she regrets it and contacts me one day, just to give me the chance to tell her that I don't need her anymore. I know that's petty.

Good to hear that with time I'll be able to move past it all.

OP posts:
KickingEAP · 07/10/2023 15:49

Thirteen years post-event for me, and I still think about her regularly.

HereBeFuckery · 07/10/2023 16:00

I moved away from where we both lived. Made the effort to visit, made plans to visit, did most of the travelling to visit.

Made plans to go and see her, texted beforehand to confirm (we were supposed to stay with her) and she'd forgotten and made other plans.

It wasn't the first time she'd flaked out - always in favour of friends who she said were less close to her than I was.

That's me told!

EmmaPaella · 07/10/2023 16:02

I was gradually ghosted by a university friend I was really close to then made to feel it was my fault when I called her out. I wish I had just left it. It made me feel like shit for a long time and sometimes still does.

CrotchetyQuaver · 07/10/2023 16:11

I had this, I've no real idea why and 10 years on I still think about it.... it could be down to all sorts of things but I was just dropped out of the blue. Really sad as it was a friendship that went back to our early 20's, when we were both married with kids we all still got on brilliantly as did the DC and we all had the same kids behaviour expectations so I'm still baffled by it 🤷🏼‍♀️ I still miss her sometimes but would never resurrect things if she ever got in touch again.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 07/10/2023 16:17

i know why my former best freaks has dumped me - unfortunately I have refused to bail her out moneywise, and I’m not career minded anymore. (The two are linked).
its taken about 12 weeks for sadness to be replaced by relief I no longer have her in my life.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 07/10/2023 16:21

My bestie of 40 years ditched me when her and her husband broke up - l tried to remain neutral but she said l either was on her team or that was it - she forgot it was me that had introduced then to each other and l had known him longer.
We sort of worked through it but it will never be the same l don't think.
Absolutely brutal op and l am really sorry you are going through this .

GardenGnomic · 07/10/2023 16:21

I was gradually ghosted by my best friend after I had kids 15 years ago. Was bizarre and painful and probably took me two years to get over. I see her maybe once or twice a year at gatherings and we get on really well - fall back into kind of easy chat we always had. Sometimes one of us says we should meet up but we never do.

I suspect after all this time that in her head she thinks its me - bloody wasn't - but I don't have emotional bandwidth to deal with the reckoning on what happened. And I have other friends now - she favoured other people over me.

YukoandHiro · 07/10/2023 16:24

Tbh if I were you I would send an email to an account that you know is still operational (eg her work address) from a new gmail account, setting out your feelings. Just for closure.

I'm sorry you've gone through this. I think some people believe it's possible to change the past by just dropping people but it's not, and it's definitely her problem and not anything you've done

Cherryana · 07/10/2023 16:26

This is a difficult one for me to answer because I had a bf…and one day I realised it was always me travelling to see her, I went to visit her and my little son said he was hungry and she didn’t offer him a biscuit or a piece of toast. I couldn’t believe it. So I decided I wouldn’t contact her again and see how long before she contacted me. Over a year..so that’s that, it was easy to not see her again for another year and now it’s been five years.

Did I ghost her or did she ghost me?! We both clearly made no effort.

Adviceplease2314 · 07/10/2023 16:30

I lost a friend when she met her now husband. We had been single for ages and did loads together then when she met him that was it, contact just dried up and I realised she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Very hurtful at the time. She invited me to her wedding evening event and when I got there realised that people she had barely been friends with when we were close had been there all day. I left early and haven’t spoken since.

CreationNat1on · 07/10/2023 16:42

I dumped a friend approx 3 years ago for trying to steal from me and engaging in a smear campaign. I m still think about it, there are so many mad people out there, be careful who you surround yourself with.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 07/10/2023 17:10

We had a nice group of school mums who I thought were all close friends. We were even going to go on holiday together before covid hit. Don’t even speak to some of them now. No idea what happened. I’m still very close to a couple of them and they’ve also said that the others just stopped talking to them. People are just weird. When they show their true colours like that, they’re definitely not worth worrying over. It is hurtful though.

Unicorn2022 · 07/10/2023 17:18

It's been four years since I was ghosted by my long term best friend. We were really close and had spoken every day for years and to this day I have no idea why it ended. Losing a close friend was worse than a romantic break up to me. It was honestly as devastating as a bereavement. But a few years on I don't think about it that often.

OllieCollieWoo · 07/10/2023 17:19

A couple of years to feel OK when I see or hear her name.

First year I was either angry because I didn't know what I had done or I was sad because I really missed her and kept thinking "oh must see if * fancies doing this .." etc.

Now I'm just a little sad but I recognise it wasn't really a good friendship for me in a few fundamental ways as we'd changed over the years.

I'm happier now because I am more me and not her expectations, and beginning to look back on the giggles we had together and support we gave each other when there was crap going on with a little warmth and affection instead of thinking "urghhh".

HollieHobbie · 07/10/2023 17:29

I was dropped as best friend two years ago with no reason given, just ghosted as she immediately became best friends with another woman I know. That hurt. Now another year later that woman admits she's been dropped too (and she too is hurting). The pattern for her seems to be make a friend, one year intense (somewhat suffocating) friendship then bam! You're out in favour of someone else. As these are all played out in my village I'm watching the current bestie with interest!

Not that I want anyone to be hurt but she's running out of potential besties! 🙄

HereComesColinFrissell · 07/10/2023 17:29

I've been dropped by my old bf because I couldn't make an event DH and I had agreed to go to with them, as our babysitter (MIL) was poorly and we had no one else to help out. She just cut contact.

I have gone through many emotions but the lasting one is that if she is going to be that petty then I don't need her in my life.

Sending hugs OP

paranoidnamechanger · 07/10/2023 17:31

I had a similar thing happen three years ago when my closest friend of almost 30 years ghosted me. She stopped following me on Instagram and stopped responding to my texts. I have a feeling it’s because she felt I wasn’t supportive enough of her promotion in 2019, but I guess I’ll never know. We’d been through so much together and we’re pretty much been each other’s only friend during two difficult teenage periods.

The passage of time has been healing to an extent, but it still hurts and tbh I don’t think I’ll ever truly get over it 100%. I call it a living bereavement.