If you've been ditched by a best friend how long did it take to get over it?

[Chevrom192]

My best friend of 30 years 'dumped' me 6 months ago. Nothing I'd done wrong, she'd just out grown the friendship but she cut all contact before I could even reply. It was absolutely brutal and I'm still reeling from it. I cant believe I'll never see her again.

If anyone's been through similar, how long did it take you to feel normal again? I get waves of sadness and anger and I wish I could just switch it off.

I've got a full, busy life and other people more deserving of my love/time/energy. I'm trying to focus on that but it's so difficult.

I ditched 2 very long term friends when they both dodged my wedding via text just days before. I didn't get nasty - I just deleted them from all socials / WhatsApp

I was so hurt and i did miss them at first but quickly realised they'd been shit friends.

This happened with not one but two friends of mine.
I realised it was always me that was making all the effort to arrange get togethers, they just kept making excuses, until I decided that I just wouldn't bother anymore.
Not seen nor heard from one for over 1.5 years.
The other not seen since covid, she does get in touch sometimes but nothing ever comes of it and i am done with her now too.
They add nothing to my life behaving this way so it is for the best, still hurts however.
I feel it more because I don't have anyone else-apart from my family.

I'm not over it. Was well over a year ago. Im angry at how she treated me and just stopped talking. We live rather close. I work in a shop she used to love to browse in (started before the friendship ended) but she stopped coming in when I got the job there.
I've not seen her about but I know she still lives in the same place. Our kids were friends too and she's my sons godmother. I just wasn't good enough for her to keep contact with.

A decade long friendship, I had pointed out some awful behaviours of her newish partner. My DS said plus another mate after the long text she sent me which was very hurtful that they had never liked her. DS is very intuitive about people but he was a small kid then and I thought he was just being jealous. It hurt me more than any romantic break up.

Yep, happened to me, not a lifelong friend but one I had met through work and we were friends for around 15 years or so, we were both senior executives at the time. I got married, moved countries, quit work, had kids and became a stay at home mum, she would come and visit me several times a year and we would call each other regularly and we would always meet up when I returned home. She stayed working and did really well in her career. The last time we spoke, she had come to meet me in a hotel the night before we were relocating to another country. I had the two kids for about 30 minutes while my husband dropped off the rental car, she knew the kids were being picked up by my husband to allow us have a meal and drinks together to catch up.

I suppose the kids were a bit antsy after a 4 hour car journey and she said something to the effect of 'ahh, we are at totally different stages in our life', which was very true, however we went on to have a lovely dinner and drinks just the two of us, she was planning her wedding and was all excited about it and I was excited for her. I never heard from her again after that, no invite to the wedding, I called her a few times but she never picked up or returned the call, after a few months I called her from my new number, which she picked up but hung up on me when she heard my voice. Have never heard from her since and that was 16 years ago and I have never tried to reach her since either.

It still bothers me to an extent, how you can cut someone out of your life that easily, we had both gone through tough times at different points and had supported each other through it, both of us came out the other side of it.

it probably took me a good year to accept she wanted nothing to do with me anymore, I don't even care anymore as to why she just cut off communication so suddenly, I now view it as an issue she must have generally, rather than something I could have inadvertently done to offend her.

My best friend of 10 years dropped me out of the blue 12 years ago. Just ghosted me and then blocked me on everything. I have spent so much time trying to think why and there is honestly nothing. It was as bad as a relationship break up in a lot of ways, I cried a lot and I still think about her now, especially around her birthday. I thought at the time that she could always come back and apologise but now it's been too long. I'd have nothing to say to her anymore. I'd still like to know why though, and I hope she's well and happy but I could never trust her again.

I’m on the other side of this. We have grown apart and we live miles away. She has kids and I don’t, and she has a partner who doesn’t really pull his weight, and has never made the effort to travel to see me in the last 4 years. It’s always me who was driving 4+hrs.

I got tired of the expectation of long face time or phone calls to catch up when I was exhausted after work and it got to the point where our catch ups would be HOURS long and I just couldn’t do it anymore. It’s so hard, but when you grow apart and are so distant, you have to really want to keep the friendship going and I just didn’t.

My best friend ditched me because I was pissed off she hadn't messaged me when I was in hospital with my 3 month old baby while he was having surgery. I was going through absolute hell and let her know how upset I was i hadn't heard from her. Never heard a word from her since and that was over 5 years ago. I tried to contact her several times and explain why I was upset and perhaps overreacted in my original message but got nothing back.
I'm still sad about it but took a good 2 years until I didn't think of her/miss her every day

Friend of 25 years. Got offended about something that I did which wasn't personal at all. 7 years later it still really hurts. I miss having that person and I don't trust any of my new 'friends' in case they hurt me too
We got on really well and shared a lot of stuff.
It changed me as a person and that makes me sad

I had a best friend that I met 1st year of secondary school, we became very close and hung out every day, went on weekend trips away in our late teens, she got married at 22, I didn't get invited to the wedding as she had already started to phase me out.

Saw her once after that to meet her new born but I realised once the ghosting/phasing started that we probably wasn't as close as I thought we were, no contact at all since and it's been 20+ years

It doesn't sound like the actions of a functioning and stable human being to cut off a best friend with no reason

I think this is normal.

My best friend of 15 years dumped me 2 years ago. Mostly because she knew I thought she was being a twat to have an affair with a controlling bloke who had more red flags than a village fete. She has cut off anyone from her "old life" who doesn't tow the line that her ex husband is the devil incarnate and ignore the horrific emotional abuse she's subjected her DC to.

Despite the above I was very very hurt. Still am actually. She dumped me when I need her for something in my life, she didn't like the focus being taken away from hers.

So no advice, just solidarity. I did reach out a few times but never got any reply or closure.

I agree actually. Mine isn't functioning or stable. She's blown up her life and treated her ex her family and her children terribly. But she would never see or admit that or course. To her, I'm disloyal and not on her side.

6 years ago my friend for 35 years ghosted me. Still have no idea why or what triggered it. It’s probably taken me about 4 years to feel indifferent about it. It absolutely wrecked my self esteem at true time. Hope you are ok OP, it’s like a grief when this happens

I had to largely cut ties with my bff of 15 years after she secretly developed a full-blown set of addictions. Nothing I tried to do to help her was enough and I realised that most of what she’d told me for literally years was a lie, and when you’re an addict, drugs are the only friend that truly matters.

It’s been nearly 4yrs since I last saw her and I still check her Twitter profile nearly every day to make sure she’s still posting. I miss telling her every time I read a good book, or a shockingly awful one, or my partner does something ridiculous. I can’t bring myself to remove her from my top contacts and every time I see her face in the Favourites list it stings a bit.

There's always a reason.

I am the "dump-er" in such a scenario. My supposed best friend since we were in our early 20s (went through our parents dying, other upheavels) had a horrid marriage starting at about age 40. Not physically abusive but he was always complaining, suspicious, etc. and therefore all of our outings / plans had to be coordinated around his needs, she would cut short an outing of, say, antique shopping, to get back to make his dinner, she complained endlessly about him.

He got a rare form of early dementia at age 60 and she (in her early 50s at the time) had a hellish year and a half till he died. During that time period I used a LOT of my annual leave to help her, sitting with him while she went to opticians, that sort of thing, going with her to hospital when he was locked briefly in a psychiatric ward, you name it.

So he dies and after the funeral, etc., I of course offered several times to come over and help her sort his things or just keep her company. I guess deep down I figured our friendship would go back to what it was the first two decades, doing fun things together, etc. but she kept being unavailable. She has good vision for projects and I'd asked if sometime, when convenient, she could come to mine and give me some advice on re-arranging the kitchen. Never happened.

Turns out that a month or so after the death, she hired a man to refurbish the bathroom and started a relationship with him.

She had no time for old friends but plenty of time to integrate herself into his family, help plan his daughter's wedding, make play equipment for his grandchildren, help him in his business (he's a self-employed builder), etc. etc. I felt phased out once AGAIN for a man and just stopped e-mailing, etc. She reached out a few times asking what was wrong and I just said "nothing, just so busy with work these days." There seemed to be no point to get into details.

That was pre-Covid. It stung at first and I miss being able to reminisce about certain things (she's one of the few people left who knew my parents, for example) but c'est la vie. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Wow I'm almost relieved to read this has happened to so many other people and not just me. My best friend of over 20 years dropped me when I got pregnant. I later found out through the grapevine she couldn't have kids, and I suspect this was the reason but I don't know. It's been years and I still think of her about once a week. We live in the same town but I've never seen her which I find strange, and often realise I'm looking out for her in certain places.

I was dropped by a best friend a few years ago, we'd been best mates for 20 years....I
saw photos on Facebook that she'd had her son christened and not bothered to invite me! I challenged her on it and she said it was 'close friends and family only' so that was that. Every bday/Xmas I would still send her a card and never even got a acknowledgement so I stopped bothering.

I'm still friends with her on Facebook but we haven't really spoken for years, I should really just delete her.

I got wendied by my own sister. Me and one sister were really close, other sister broke up with a man (I frigging helped her, fetching stuff etc), she moved close to the sister I was close to. Slowly and surely I was edged out.

Fuck them both, it still does hurt but I am mostly over it. Dead to me now though, actually the one sister I was really close to when I brought up the whole trans thing (unthinkingly I had just learned of it) did the whole gish gallop, sources, clownfish routine. I felt like I had been slapped round the face tbh. She has zero skin in the game, I have a trans child (well adult now) and a gay child. She was so aggressive and crazy I was reeling.

Im sure people would say "if your whole family is toxic you must be smelling yourself blah, it's all your fault" but I don't care. I never judged them, tried to help as much as I could when they were in need. They were bitchy cunts when I was on the floor.

Mine defriended me after we voted differently for Brexit. We had been friends for years, I helped her escape a DA relationship, she had a key to my flat so she could go at any time. She was on a low paid job so I always paid for takeaways/nights out.

We had a lot of weekends away in Europe and on the last one she was distant. Was constantly on her IPad and phone, it peeved me off but I didn’t say anything. I’d recently left a FT job and had gone self employed so I didn’t have as much money as usual but she kept asking if I pay for X and she’d pay me back. Ok no problem.

A week after we got back she blocked me from all social media and my number on her phone but not WhatsApp. I whatsapped her asking what had happened and she sent me the most abusive messages ever because of our political differences. Looking back now I think she may have joined some sort of political cult and that was why she was constantly on her IPad when we went away. She said unless I changed my political views we couldn’t stay friends and that was that.

I think about her all the time. I hate we’ve missed out on so much of each others lives. I think it was 2017 I last heard from her. She hasn’t met my new partner for instance. I now live closeish to where she used to live but I know she sold her flat and moved, a mutual friend told me she was moving back “home” where this mutual friend lives. I wish I could contact her but I have no way of doing it. I even refer to her as my ex-bf. I was almost embarrassed to admit what had happened afterwards because it’s what happens with kids

I do have a new amazing BF now though!!!!

I'm afraid I ended a 30 year friendship. Her reaction to me being diagnosed with cancer was extremely upsetting given the support I'd given her over the years. There were other things but identifiable and I don't know if she's on here so I'll leave it at that. I was worried I'd overreacted for a little while but actually, I have no regrets and I think it was clear the friendship had just run its course. I don't imagine we'll see eachother again and she hasn't reached out either. It's ok for that to happen I think.

My best friend stopped talking to me because he had feelings for me. I miss him as a friend dreadfully. But, I have a wonderful DH and son. I often think of him and hope he's okay, I've never really got over it, but it does get easier with time.

That's mental @TheFormidableMrsC ,i will never understand people.

My best friend dumped me a decade ago. I still think of her and hope she is all right. If she got back in touch I would be prepared to give it another try. It's looking more and more unlikely with the passage of years, though.

I was the one who actually dumped my best friend of 20 years.
Found out she done something I couldn't forgive her for. Lied to me about it etc.
5 years on I sometimes think about the good times we had but I'm much happier, looking back she was very much a narcissist.

I'm not angry at her anymore.