If you've been ditched by a best friend how long did it take to get over it?

[Chevrom192]

My best friend of 30 years 'dumped' me 6 months ago. Nothing I'd done wrong, she'd just out grown the friendship but she cut all contact before I could even reply. It was absolutely brutal and I'm still reeling from it. I cant believe I'll never see her again.

If anyone's been through similar, how long did it take you to feel normal again? I get waves of sadness and anger and I wish I could just switch it off.

I've got a full, busy life and other people more deserving of my love/time/energy. I'm trying to focus on that but it's so difficult.

I had a best friend of over 15 years. Very sadly her fiance was murdered and when she started seeing his best friend it triggered the change. I had moved a distance away so couldn’t be there in person so I rang everyday and helped out with money on an odd occasion until her finances were settled. Nothing major but still. She started being distant with me but was fine with everyone else. She text me to ask me to be a bridesmaid, then text about another friends death. I was absolutely gutted that she couldn’t even speak to me about such major events. I eventually deleted her from social media and for years was deeply upset. Then she saw my brother and explained how much she missed me so he told her to get in touch. She didn’t so I thought ok I’ll do it. Got in touch and had a few chats online. Then she put on a social media status that she had sent all her Christmas cards out and I never got one - I wasn’t even worth that! So I walked away and haven’t looked back. I seriously don’t want anything to do with her and never will. If I ever saw her in the street I would cross the road to avoid her! It’s heartbreaking at the time but you will get there, just try and focus on moving forward.

I walked away from my mate after 15yrs, seven years ago. We were so close.

She reached out via my DC a couple of years ago but neither my DC or I responded. I miss her every day. So much.

A friend is a friend. Yes, they can behave badly but you still love them, you'll stick with them through everything, but there is a breaking point. We even used to say we'd share a room in a nursing home together.

That was my friend and I. I considered her family. Sister of my soul. I wonder if she cares that it's over. In some ways I hope not.

It sounds like she's probably embarrassed given what you know about her relationship. Sounds like she ended it because she couldn't handle you knowing what her husband was actually like given that she stayed with him.

Supposedly best friend of 14 years stopped interacting with me out of the blue last December. She just stop responding to my emails/messages.

I really missed her and ended up trying to make contact recently after I had a serious health scare (It made me think well, life is short and it was worth trying to repair such a long standing friendship).

I turns out she had left the UK over the summer to settle back into her home country and could not even be bothered to say goodbye at the time.

She send me a short email back after I contacted her to try to reconnect and then again nothing...

It just feels like when she had decided to move away she no longer had any use for me.

It has been incredibly painful to think that all this time our so called friendship probably meant very little to her.

Friend of 40 years, always wanted to be my BESt friend. Fine but I have a few very good friends and don’t need one best friend, but i let her believe whatever she needed to believe. She wanted our husbands to be best friends, wanted to go on holiday together etc. not a problem. Then she just started to be horrible, one of the other friends decided to lie to me (very random and unnecessary) which made her cross with me and other random shit. Then she ghosted me….it was both a relief and almost a bereavement

. No contact since, none. She still asked after me via mutual friends. It was just so strange, I was sore for a few years; a strange mix of angry, upset but relieved. I have no desire to ever speak to her again, thank goodness. The need for an explanation or apology was holding me back!

I am going through something similar…..with best friend of 30years. Now very low contact only and it’s heartbreaking and feels like a bereavement. My sympathies as I have no advice to give.

I've just ditched 2 life long friends. One was practically family. My parent died and I got a txt message i think, no attending wake or funeral. The day of the funeral one of them posted about a night out they we're going on, was something to do with their hobby. Then kept posting pics for days and going on about how amazing it was. They knew when the funeral was as was lots of posting about it from lots of family that they def seen. Was angry not even hurt. They showed me they are not friends and I've no regrets. My parent loved them too and no support at all from them.

2 years ago one of my closest friends dumped me. We had known each other for 30 years and become v close after we had our first children. I had supported her through a lot but when I was going through a really hard time (DH had a breakdown when I had a newborn DD2) she had made some new friends and formed this really intense relationship. She told me I was boring her, and bringing her down - my life was literally falling apart. I took that on the chin at the time as my self esteem had plummeted. I knew she was dealing with stuff herself but hate the way she made me out to be the problem. I still get so sad and miss the old friendship group (it sort of disbanded our whole group) but if she says the same stuff to me now I would tell her to go fuck herself. Relationship irretrievably damaged, I have no interest in ever seeing her again. Still think about her often though

2 years and I'm still feeling. She ghosted me over night and I have absolutely no idea why. We had coffee the week before and no sign anything was wrong. She was one of my closest friends and we'd known each other nearly 16 years. It's been like a death tbh. Fortunately I have other close friends because of I didn't and she'd been my only one I don't know how I'd have coped. I swing between being sad and furious.

I quietly dumped a "very good" friend. She was completely self absorbed, never gave a second thought to anything going on in anybody else's life (not just mine). Was always warring with some poor soul. When her son came along, it was just the end - she became incapable of showing any interest in anything other than her little boy. My older child was moving overseas and I was very sad, (tearful) tried to chat to her about it and she promptly changed the subject to talk about some issue at her little one's daycare.

I blocked her that day and we have never spoken since. I did not bother explaining to her at the time. I think she noticed about a year later and got in contact with my DH to ask if I was OK. She clearly had zero self awareness.

I don't miss her - the relationship was completely one sided.

What happened between you and how do you know what she thought? Did she block you on WhatsApp? How strange

My childhood best friend gave me the cold shoulder when we were in her twenties for reasons best known to her. She cut me out and excluded me from social things that once I would have been part of. I was utterly bewildered but a recent conversation (we kept in arm’s length touch over the years as I was once very fond of her) gave me some insight twenty years on. I am quite grateful to have it and maybe it will help some other people who have been cut out?? It really was all about her insecurity.

Unfortunately she has no awareness of her actions and no thoughts of empathy for others, only a long list of how other people have let her down and failed.

Finally I see that there is no way to be friends. She can’t manage that.

So in answer to OP’s question, 20 years and I’m not over it. I won’t ever be. It has deeply wounded me. But I now see I wasn’t responsible, which is a relief.

BF for over 20 years - we grew up together, went through so much, and I was MOH at her wedding. Gradually phased me out of her life when we were in our late 20s, and we’ve had no contact for 15 years after she moved to another country

It was not her fault. I realise now I am in a good place, just how difficult it was to be friends with the younger me. I was extremely self-absorbed, made poor decisions, and was a terrible friend to her. Our lives for a time went in very different directions. So I completely understand why she phased me out - I brought nothing to her life except drama and problems.

It wasn’t as though we had a huge falling out, it was a gentle ghosting on her part, and me being so self absorbed I didn’t really notice until she was gone.

I’m deeply ashamed of my younger self and often think of reaching out to her to find out how she is and apologise, but too much time has gone by, and I do think it would be self-indulgent on my part. But I think of her often and hope she is well.

@Chevrom192 I think about it often. I've changed too much though.

This thread has dredged up some feelings for me I thought I'd got rid of. I often think of my friend. I mean we've been through 5 decades together. Songs remind me of her. I know she was in the wrong and she treated me terribly. I now have the memory of her in my only 2 year old wedding pictures and I knew at the time I shouldn't have had her there but I still keep thinking did I do enough to keep the friendship

It's been a year for me. It took me a while to realise what was going on - meet-ups cancelled, messages not engaged with. I have no idea why and I miss her terribly.

It sucks but with time it does get easier x

I defended my best friend (20+yrs) from another mutual friend who was bullying them. Not just a one off, I knew MF used BF as a verbal punch bag whenever they felt the need, and one day it came to a head and got a bit nasty and so I defended BF, told MF to pack it in.
BF ditched me, it hurt like fuck.
It was years ago now but I'm able to see that I'm well shot of both of them.

There are good things and there are bad things. It's all learning experience!

I was really good friends with someone for years, been through a lot together. Bridesmaid at her wedding, there for her when she divorced. Slowly slowly I seen that I was much more invested in the friendship and she didn’t really care. We had a big bust up and never spoke again. Even though I’m glad the friendship is over, I still think of her often and part of me wants to phone her. I realised that I want friends who genuinely care and want the best for me.

20 years ago. I still think of her sometimes but I know it was more about her than me now. We went through our early to late twenties together and were pretty wild - great times 😁 - she met a respectable and settled bloke and there was always some reason I couldn't meet him. When he was away working, all was as it had been in our friendship. Things gradually tailed off as she got more serious with him and I moved away then heard through the grapevine that she'd married him - big wedding but no invite for me. I think she was scared I might let slip some of the stuff we got up to. I wouldn't have but never mind. I was very hurt at the time but not bothered now. I'd be interested third hand to know how she's getting on but no interest in meeting up in person.

@Chevrom192 my cousin did this to me, about 10 years ago. She just stopped calling and replying to me and fobbed me off when I'd try and make plans for us to meet up.

I genuinely have no idea what I did to upset her. I thought we were close (born 11 months apart, grew up together, families extremely close, holiday's together etc)

I miss her, but I've given up trying to re-establish a relationship, as she obviously isn't interested.

Breaks my heart every time I drive past her brothers house (he lives on the same road as me) and see her car on the front. Knowing that she knows I'm only a few doors down and she doesn't want anything to do with me or my family.

I was dumped by a long standing BF when I put my older DS into private school. He has autism and low cognitive functioning as well as a life limiting genetic disorder and the school we chose welcomed him and us with open arms and have been amazing in every single way.

My former friend does not agree with private schools. She called me entitled Tory scum and has not spoken to me since. Stupid thing is- she does not even have children - much less a disabled child so it's not like she has skin in the game.

That was in 2016. I would say it took me until a year ago that I went from feeling hurt and sad to feeling angry and contemptuous towards her to just feeling nothing.

Me and my best mate of almost 40 years have had a bust up and I don't think it's salvageable. Our first one!

The irony is, I so want to ring her and chat about it, she's the only one that would understand. But obviously, I can't! I also know her well enough to know she won't get in touch with me and she won't admit she didn't anything wrong. So that means that's that.

It does hurt. But my self respect means I know when I'm being treated badly and I won't have it!

Hosted by my former BF after 25 years. Didn't see each other over lockdowns but talked regularly. We had different philosophical perspectives about a particular current issue but i thought that we could address that in a mature manner. Latterly was told she needed a break but thought whatever the issue was had been resolved or made peace with, but after realising belatedly that I hadn't been invited to a series of big events in her life realised that it was over... or at least in any meaningful way.

Really grieved the loss of it like a bereavement but after a couple of years I'm OK about it now and wouldn't want to be friends again if for any reason she got in touch. Realised that there were some toxic elements that I am much better off without now.