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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
Original poster
Freyaz · 27/09/2023 11:50

openallday · 26/09/2023 22:37

Most grandparents would be sooo excited they wouldn't be able to resist buying a little teddy or sleepsuit or something

Or a big sister present

Maybe something stopped them and they'll be back with a gift another time

I think that was what got me. My family had been buying things for months and actually wouldn’t stop! They were just so excited to meet the baby and would be in even a supermarket for example and see something and think they had to get it for him. I just found it odd in all that time that had never happened to them, like it genuinely hadn’t crossed their mind 🤔 I didn’t ever receive a text or call asking how I was while I was pregnant either. It felt like they had completely forgot/didn’t care then were just turning up for the newborn picture without offering to do anything to help. It is much more than just the no gift thing but it’s probably just the tip of the iceberg

OP posts:
Original poster
Freyaz · 27/09/2023 11:53

@ChillysWaterBottle this is very true 😂 It’s okay, they need somewhere to get their frustration out in life and it seems on here disagreeing with literally anything anyone says is the way they choose to do it 🙈

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 27/09/2023 12:14

I don’t know , I guess everyone is different. I had my second DGC 6 weeks ago and I certainly gave them a gift . A cash gift and a card . I can’t imagine not giving a card . I was looking after DGC 1 while they were in hospital. When we went to visit at the hospital ( at DIL request) I bought flowers for my DGC 1 to give to her mum .

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LadyEloise1 · 27/09/2023 14:54

Is this their first grandchild @Freyaz ?

Rachand23 · 27/09/2023 17:55

I am with you OP. I just don’t get ANY granny who wouldn’t want to welcome a DGC with a gift and the mum with some flowers. Any who do are not entitled to be a granny.

Buffs · 27/09/2023 18:04

YABU. they made the effort to come and see you.

TGGreen · 27/09/2023 18:10

So so grabby and entitled. You can wrap it up any way you want but your thinking is wrong, especially comparing them to others and mentioning your other DC. Gifts don't equal love.
My parents were the most devoted GPs (sadly no longer here), but it wouldn't have crossed their minds. The in laws showed up for the photo op with some plastic crap that I'd never use then proceded to offer no help ever, even in DH's time of greatest need (3DC, self-employed and a wife on life support). You might think I'm projecting but seriously, time, effort and love are worth far more that stuff.

SirChenjins · 27/09/2023 18:13

Whoop de doo - yes, be grateful for the visit OP. They didn’t call or ask how the OP was when she was pregnant, arrived empty handed, took photos of the baby, did nothing to help and then left. So much for you to be grateful for 🙄

CrazyCatMom · 27/09/2023 18:29

I think it’s weirder that they turned up at your house to meet the baby after being incommunicado during your pregnancy tbh.

I haven’t spoken to my FIL since DH and I got married last year (FIL’s wife behaved appallingly at our wedding and refused to apologise). Now expecting DH and I’s first baby (will be FIL’s first grandchild) and have been very clear with DH that if FIL can’t be bothered to make an effort with me between now and when baby arrives, he won’t be involved after baby gets here either

ShinyCaptain · 27/09/2023 18:43

Poor you.

Nanny0gg · 27/09/2023 18:44

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/09/2023 09:53

Congrats on the baby OP!

Yes it's weird and rude not to bring a card or little something when visiting after a new baby has been born. I'd be careful who you listened to on here because a lot of posters are weird and rude themselves so are not necessarily best placed to advise on normal social behaviour.

It's actually Peak MN.

In real life it is the absolute norm to buy cards and presents for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and new babies
But not here

So people come on and accuse the OP of being greedy and grabby (usually in the rudest, nastiest manner) when they're just surprised that people who are supposed to love them don't actually give them a second thought.

@Freyaz I don't understand their thinking at all and actually, as far as your DD is concerned they're pretty uncaring

What did your DH say about it? Have they always been the same?

Nanny0gg · 27/09/2023 18:46

TGGreen · 27/09/2023 18:10

So so grabby and entitled. You can wrap it up any way you want but your thinking is wrong, especially comparing them to others and mentioning your other DC. Gifts don't equal love.
My parents were the most devoted GPs (sadly no longer here), but it wouldn't have crossed their minds. The in laws showed up for the photo op with some plastic crap that I'd never use then proceded to offer no help ever, even in DH's time of greatest need (3DC, self-employed and a wife on life support). You might think I'm projecting but seriously, time, effort and love are worth far more that stuff.

There doesn't seem to be any evidence of time effort or love either

Growuppeople · 27/09/2023 18:48

Ew no wouldn’t expect anyone to bring a gift! Just gross grow up

SirChenjins · 27/09/2023 18:49

As if by magic, more peak MN…

BeeHappy12 · 27/09/2023 18:57

I think this is ok and i probably wouldn't have noticed. I'm not a big gift giver myself and don't mind when people don't buy gifts (many didn't for my babies) but i loved the company of people visiting to see the babies. I think especially because they're family they probably didn't think they had to bring one or may bring one in the future as presumably they'll be seeing you often.

venus7 · 27/09/2023 18:58

TulipsTulip · 26/09/2023 13:48

Don’t be so greedy!

They’re grandparents, not the three kings.

This........!

TaraRhu · 27/09/2023 19:00

I am really surprised by the responses on here! YANBU !! It's extremely odd to visit a new baby without a gift. It's not being grabby. I think its pretty impolite tbh.I'd at least hope they'd send something later.

If you don't bring something for the baby you should take something for the mum / parents. Food is a nice thought, flowers, a card...

Unless they are old/frail/broke, I think this is mean!

SirChenjins · 27/09/2023 19:00

Not only are they not the three kings, they’re not interested in anything other than having their photo taken with a baby.

Grumpyold · 27/09/2023 19:01

OK, it's usual to bring a gift, but can you imagine being this put out by anyone except inlaws? If it was your best friend/sister/dad who didn't get round to shopping before visiting, would you have started a thread?

BeeHappy12 · 27/09/2023 19:01

... not asking about your pregnancy or seeing how you're doing throughout is very strange

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/09/2023 19:02

Of course it's about gifts. They made the effort to come and see the new baby, why can't that be enough?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/09/2023 19:02

Maybe they didn't realise there was an entry fee - have you considered a ticketing system with a Meet & Greet for the highest price tier when Baby #3 comes along?

Ukrainebaby23 · 27/09/2023 19:03

Maybe, they don't do presents in their family, DH should be able to expand on that theory.
Or maybe they have some underlying issues preventing them getting organised...illness /worry they haven't shared with u. Or maybe they just cba.

In my life, going to someone's house without a gift at anytime is considered rude, and I always try to turn up with something, even if its a packet of biscuits.
To not take a present for baby and Dd, and not apologise seems all wrong to me. But I'm old school, not entitled and believe pleasantries make the world a nicer place.

kennycat · 27/09/2023 19:13

I would t have minded no present as I’m impossible to please present-wise but not even a bottle of fizz/box of chocs/plant would seem pretty mean.
its The sort of thing my in laws would do. Thoughtless I always think!!

here’s a bottle of fizzz from me though 🥂🍾

SirChenjins · 27/09/2023 19:14

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/09/2023 19:02

Maybe they didn't realise there was an entry fee - have you considered a ticketing system with a Meet & Greet for the highest price tier when Baby #3 comes along?

Not only did they not realise it’s customary to bring a gift they also didn’t realise that it’s normal to enquire after your DIL during her pregnancy, or help in any way during the visit. They seem ignorant all round really.

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