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Original poster

In-laws came to meet our newborn without a gift

333 replies

Freyaz · 26/09/2023 13:46

We had our second baby last week, our first is 3. The in-laws hadn’t asked while I was pregnant if there was anything we needed, they’d barely even mentioned the fact we were having another baby actually. They arrived to meet our newborn the other day and didn’t bring anything. They didn’t even bring our daughter anything either when almost everyone who had been to visit had brought her something too. It’s not about the presents and people have been far too generous but it was just the fact they hadn’t made any effort.

When I was telling my mum she asked if they’d brought flowers or something but they hadn’t, just showed up empty handed. If it was a financial thing I would understand it but they have plenty of money. It just felt like they hadn’t bothered when every other distant relative, friend etc had 🤔 Am I wrong in thinking they should have brought at least something?

OP posts:
radiantorange · 26/09/2023 20:04

My in-laws got upset when I was overdue… because they’d made arrangements to go to their holiday house. Baby came 8 days late and they made their holiday connections - so they basically up and left the country 3 days after he was born, for 3.5 months!!

Freezingcoldinseptember · 26/09/2023 20:09

My ils were fuming ds when ds premature and dh refused to go on planned trip with them.... They never forgave him and snubbed ds completely.. Haven't seen them for nearly 9 years because of it!

SkyeBlue28 · 26/09/2023 20:17

My in laws didn’t give us any presents when our children were born or any wedding present either. I know that presents are not the most important part of these life events but when we didn’t receive any I felt hurt that my in law’s didn’t care enough about us or their grandchildren to make the effort. It’s the thought that counts! We give presents to show people that we care.
There have been other ways that my in
laws have acted selfish and uncaring over the years so the present thing was just the beginning!

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Grumpyold · 26/09/2023 20:18

SkyeBlue28 · 26/09/2023 20:17

My in laws didn’t give us any presents when our children were born or any wedding present either. I know that presents are not the most important part of these life events but when we didn’t receive any I felt hurt that my in law’s didn’t care enough about us or their grandchildren to make the effort. It’s the thought that counts! We give presents to show people that we care.
There have been other ways that my in
laws have acted selfish and uncaring over the years so the present thing was just the beginning!

If it's the thought that counts, surely coming to visit is that?

SkyeBlue28 · 26/09/2023 20:30

Because they put no thought into bringing a gift.

LollipopChaos · 26/09/2023 20:33

The gift they brought was their presence to meet your baby. Why do people expect material clutter??

Rose38 · 26/09/2023 20:48

LollipopChaos · 26/09/2023 20:33

The gift they brought was their presence to meet your baby. Why do people expect material clutter??

What do you do at Christmas then? That's a genuine question by the way...

givemeasunnyday · 26/09/2023 21:03

Yes, you are wrong, not to mention greedy. Really, although I do buy gifts for new babies, it is a bit silly. They end up with heaps of clothes and toys, most of which are not needed. I would rather have a visit than a gift.

MammaTo · 26/09/2023 21:11

I think it’s weird to visit a newborn with no gift, especially grandparents. First thing my mum and MIL done was buy all kinds for the baby when he was born.

Only exception is if you’ve had a baby shower and had a gift then I’d say.

cellarst · 26/09/2023 21:27

It's weird and certainly not the social norm to rock up empty handed to meet a new baby. I buy my colleagues gifts for their babies I can't imagine not buying something for my grandchild!

HalebiHabibti · 26/09/2023 21:37

So many people here deliberately not acknowledging that it is bloody odd to not at least bring a card and some chocolate (however cheap) to meet a new baby! Very socially inappropriate.

Rose38 · 26/09/2023 21:46

HalebiHabibti · 26/09/2023 21:37

So many people here deliberately not acknowledging that it is bloody odd to not at least bring a card and some chocolate (however cheap) to meet a new baby! Very socially inappropriate.

I think it's weird (if they don't bring anything later I mean). They must have also never bought anything for their kids then.

People saying you get a lot of useless items you don't need for your newborns...just buy bigger size clothes then. Most gifts for newborns are small sizes like usually within the 6 month age range.

I made gift baskets for both my brother's daughters when they were born. I put various size clothing, bibs, muslin, toys & blankets. All things I knew they could use. I purposely got bigger size clothing so that they could be used later (and I did bear in mind whether it would summer, winter etc). I saw my brother and SIL used all the items I gave.

If it's for your own family and someone close you should know what things they like/may need. Worst case scenario get them a giftcard for a baby store or clothes store.

If you can go out for meals & a drink etc the I'm sure you can afford even the smallest gesture like a little toy or card for your grandchild.

AndyPandyismyhero · 26/09/2023 22:03

We didn't take a gift when we went to meet our new dgc recently - firstly, baby came on a Sunday morning and we were invited to meet them when only a few hours old and we had not had time to go to the shops. Second, we had been caring for the baby 's older sibling for several days and nights whilst Dil was in hospital - she'd had a problematic pregnancy and ended up in hospital for five days before the baby was born. We have asked what ds and Dil wanted for baby and have been asked to wait until they know what they need. We did take some gifts I had made once they were all home and we also had a new baby card made, but had to wait for baby to arrive as nobody knew sex until baby came.
When we took gifts for new baby, we also took a gift for our other dgc - something I had bought a couple of months ago, but we chose to wait until had cards and gifts for them all, not just one of them.
Maybe OP's ILs will do similar. Luckily my DIL and DS are very appciative of the effort and time we give them and are not so bothered about the amount of money we spend on them.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 26/09/2023 22:26

fitzwilliamdarcy · 26/09/2023 17:25

It’s rude to not show up with a gift but it’s also rude to complain about not getting one. Don’t even start me on the complaint about the other child not being given a gift as well.

If they’re generally unhelpful people who only want photos then will never be seen again then I sort of get it but I find people who angst over their kids not being given gifts pretty hard work.

It would be rude to complain if friends etc don't bring gifts but I would expect better from grandparents.

openallday · 26/09/2023 22:37

Most grandparents would be sooo excited they wouldn't be able to resist buying a little teddy or sleepsuit or something

Or a big sister present

Maybe something stopped them and they'll be back with a gift another time

Willa6 · 26/09/2023 22:51

if my in-laws did this, I’d just think “Ah well, they’ll give them plenty of money over the years.” But when asked if we needed anything for the baby, we asked people to please save their money as we had already bought everything we needed. We really meant this. But I hate waste and when baby clothes are barely worn, if at all.

I’d also think it’s sweet that one or two people thought of my older child but I’d probably prefer my in-laws didn’t get them a gift too as there have been occasions where they’ve spoiled our little one, who already has loads of toys and does nice things regularly. But that’s just me perhaps; I personally think it’d be down to us as parents to make the older sibling feel involved and not jealous. We’d do it through spending 1:1 time with them rather than material gifts.

Willa6 · 26/09/2023 22:51

Congratulations by the way!

lordloveadog · 26/09/2023 23:17

It's really weird not to bring a gift. I'm not particularly into presents or buying stuff but visiting a newborn definitely includes bringing something for the baby/mother/family. Best practice to bring gift for older sibling too. Or you might take a casserole. But something.

Issummernearlyover · 27/09/2023 09:20

I'm baffled at some of these comments. I never got presents from my parents when they visited my new baby. I never thought anything of it until I read this thread.
The other GPs never even acknowledged her existence and I never gave that a second thought either. Their loss.
My DM did bring me a filled baguette from town on day four as my "D"P had run off to Scotland as he couldn't cope. Does that count?

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 09:23

How sad that of everything you could be thinking about, you're feeling bitter over a lack of gift. Sounds like you could do with a little perspective.

Dbank · 27/09/2023 09:32

You already have the best gift in the world, why would you expect more?

WombatChocolate · 27/09/2023 09:35

I agree that it’s odd that it’s this that you’re thinking about, one week into having a new baby. Is this the most important thing at the moment?

Where’s the joy and gratitude at having 2 beautiful children, plus grandparents still alive to come and see them. Yes to getting a bit of perspective and giving your head a wobble.

WandaWonder · 27/09/2023 09:40

So you had a baby for presents) no? Well then why the heck does it matter?

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/09/2023 09:53

Congrats on the baby OP!

Yes it's weird and rude not to bring a card or little something when visiting after a new baby has been born. I'd be careful who you listened to on here because a lot of posters are weird and rude themselves so are not necessarily best placed to advise on normal social behaviour.

eastiseastwestiswest · 27/09/2023 09:57

ChillysWaterBottle · 27/09/2023 09:53

Congrats on the baby OP!

Yes it's weird and rude not to bring a card or little something when visiting after a new baby has been born. I'd be careful who you listened to on here because a lot of posters are weird and rude themselves so are not necessarily best placed to advise on normal social behaviour.

Actually I think it would be quite weird for grandparents to bring a card or a babygro etc. it indicates a lack of intimacy of relationship. I think it would be normal for grandparents to contribute to something the baby may need before it's born but then again my in laws did this for our first but not for our second,
Presumably because they assumed we already had everything. I would be thrilled if my parents or in laws brought food for us or flowers for me or something but given the closeness of the relationship I don't think gifts are assumed.