Page 6 | Moved out of London to new area but hate it

RampantIvy · 26/09/2023 17:13

'If you are tired of London, you are tired of life".

If people genuinely think this I feel sorry for them. I have just come back from a bike ride along the Trans Pennine trail. I'm not tired of life.

Zebedee55 · 26/09/2023 17:19

I moved to a Sussex village. Hated it, missed London too much. We moved back home.👍

Original poster

hatewhereIlive · 26/09/2023 17:27

LipRouge · 26/09/2023 15:50

I'd hate to live in an all white town because I just know I'd be treated different and I'd experience racism it's happened before. London has more going for it and I like to see different faces. Sue me

It probably depends where you move to but where I am is still ethnically diverse - not quite as diverse as London, but certainly not all white.

However it is not socioeconomically diverse.

OP posts:

LipRouge · 26/09/2023 19:45

@hatewhereIlive

I've been to places not far from London, literally on the border and still got the stares and an air of feeling unwelcome - my partner is white English and my children are obviously mixed.... don't get me wrong a break from London is good sometimes but I'm someone that likes to get on with things without being a living tourist attraction. London I'm a nobody and I'm cool with that!

DoratheFlora · 27/09/2023 12:36

hatewhereIlive · 26/09/2023 17:27

It probably depends where you move to but where I am is still ethnically diverse - not quite as diverse as London, but certainly not all white.

However it is not socioeconomically diverse.

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I'm intrigued as to where you live.

I live in a very affluent area outside London which is part of the commuter belt. There are still many areas where there are normal working class families and deprivation (specifically in the towns rather than villages).

Are you out and about in the wider area or just your town/village?

user1846385927482658 · 27/09/2023 12:46

Have you moved somewhere where the majority of people grew up together? If so that might be why it's taking longer.

But also, constantly comparing the worst parts of where you are now to the best parts of where you used to be would make anyone miserable!

Original poster

hatewhereIlive · 27/09/2023 12:47

DoratheFlora · 27/09/2023 12:36

I'm intrigued as to where you live.

I live in a very affluent area outside London which is part of the commuter belt. There are still many areas where there are normal working class families and deprivation (specifically in the towns rather than villages).

Are you out and about in the wider area or just your town/village?

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Yes it’s a good point. Obviously there are areas nearby which are more diverse. However they are often people who grew up here and aren’t looking to meet newcomers.

Having reflected on this thread and all the comments, I think it’s really the location of the school and the areas immediately around it which is the main issue. Plus a general sense of missing the buzz of London.

My kids were both telling me this morning how much they love their school though, which is bittersweet - obviously I’m not complaining and I’m glad they’re happy at school as I know it’s not a given, but it means I don’t think we will be moving!

OP posts:

APurpleSquirrel · 27/09/2023 13:21

In that case OP I think you just need to focus on building a life for yourself in your new home, for now. Maybe plan to return to London when your children are older or left home?
I'd advise joining the school PTA - you'll meet new parents there, possibly staff & get to know them. I did this when my DD started YR - we knew no-one at the school; I hate networking but made the decision to be involved. Joined the PTA (am now Chair) & haven't looked back. I've made friends with parents with kids in other years, I know pretty much everyone by name (it's a small school!) & have a hand in making the school experience for my children as well as all the others that much better.
Remember cliques are really just groups of friends & yes, it can be hard to make new friends but it's worth the effort.

DoratheFlora · 27/09/2023 14:15

You just need to keep looking for your tribe.

Where we are it would be very easy to look around and assume that everyone is a yummy mummy with a high earning DH who shops in Waitrose and drives a 4x4. If you look closer there are lots of those types but lots of other people.

Look on Eventbrite or Meetup for different groups or talks. I've found some really interesting people on there who are 'much more me'. My best friend spent her life in London but now lives here. She loves the countryside but regularly gets up there for her museum and culture fix. It doesn't have to be black and white.

Lastchancechica · 27/09/2023 14:23

My friend lives in Wimbledon and is sick of the issues with machetes and crime. A15 year old girl was stabbed and died on her way to school this morning. Do you really want that for your children?

Beachwaves127 · 27/09/2023 15:04

If it is getting you down enough consider moving back. No point doing it in five years when you could do it this year and get on with your life. Appreciate it’s tricky if DH is happy. But maybe youd all be happy back in London.

Foxesandsquirrels · 27/09/2023 15:55

@Lastchancechica that happened in Croydon... an area well known for its knife crime. Wimbledon is hardly the same. There are pockets of really bad crime in London but that's the case everywhere. Some of the worst poverty and anti social behaviour is outside London.

RampantIvy · 27/09/2023 16:45

However they are often people who grew up here and aren’t looking to meet newcomers.

Perhaps they are the mumsnetters who often post on here that they don't need more friends.

Original poster

hatewhereIlive · 27/09/2023 20:36

But also, constantly comparing the worst parts of where you are now to the best parts of where you used to be would make anyone miserable!

Hmm this is very wise, I hadn’t really thought of it like this. I do have a tendency to look back with rose tinted glasses!

OP posts:

scrumbrum12 · 25/11/2023 11:34

I came across this post looking for others finding it hard to settle after leaving London. Are you feeling any more settled? We used to live in London and loved it, raising the kids there while they were little. After a period of family ill health, I started to crave fresher air and a feeling of more space. My dd was also always moaning about the pollution on the school run. We decided to experiment by renting on the London/home county borders. We didn’t really like it and started looking to move back into London (but further out) Then the pandemic and more family ill health struck and we had to stay put. During this time we had to fight for funding for a specialist school for ds. When we were in a position to move again we had to stay in the same funding area (out of london) as had no more energy left to try and transfer the funding plus we had to move further out due to house prices. 3 of 4 of us dont really like it here, it’s nice enough but we feel like we can’t be ourselves and everyone we meet seems to be in a bubble with the same interests and outlook. Train into london is good but expensive . Local transport is shocking which is very annoying with teens and one car. I hate walking alone at night as so dark and quiet. However, I do feel safer when in the house. Anyway, just wanted to say, I understand how you feel. It is always such a hard decision and we can only do what we think is best at the time. Our plan is to move back to london when school funding stops but likely we will have to down size (our house now is small as it is) . It is always a tricky balance. I spend a fortune on going into London as much as possible! We have had to move lots due to renting and kids find it unsettling. Have you made a decision since september?

Beachwaves127 · 25/11/2023 17:29

scrumbrum12 · 25/11/2023 11:34

I came across this post looking for others finding it hard to settle after leaving London. Are you feeling any more settled? We used to live in London and loved it, raising the kids there while they were little. After a period of family ill health, I started to crave fresher air and a feeling of more space. My dd was also always moaning about the pollution on the school run. We decided to experiment by renting on the London/home county borders. We didn’t really like it and started looking to move back into London (but further out) Then the pandemic and more family ill health struck and we had to stay put. During this time we had to fight for funding for a specialist school for ds. When we were in a position to move again we had to stay in the same funding area (out of london) as had no more energy left to try and transfer the funding plus we had to move further out due to house prices. 3 of 4 of us dont really like it here, it’s nice enough but we feel like we can’t be ourselves and everyone we meet seems to be in a bubble with the same interests and outlook. Train into london is good but expensive . Local transport is shocking which is very annoying with teens and one car. I hate walking alone at night as so dark and quiet. However, I do feel safer when in the house. Anyway, just wanted to say, I understand how you feel. It is always such a hard decision and we can only do what we think is best at the time. Our plan is to move back to london when school funding stops but likely we will have to down size (our house now is small as it is) . It is always a tricky balance. I spend a fortune on going into London as much as possible! We have had to move lots due to renting and kids find it unsettling. Have you made a decision since september?

This is an interesting post. I think I must have posted on this thred before (I live in London with my Dc and enjoy it - I don’t see us ever moving) but the pollution does concern me. That’s probably my only negative as everything else in London I enjoy, even any other difficulties (ie traffic jams) doesn’t bother me. How do you feel about the pollution now that you’ve moved out? Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your time in your current area as much as you can.

butterfliesandtrees · 04/10/2025 16:25

hatewhereIlive · 25/09/2023 10:42

We moved out of London in 2021, we’d been thinking about it for years and finally decided to do it.

It’s been over two years now and I thought I’d have settled but I hate it. We live in a very nice place on paper - leafy, great schools, easy commute to London etc etc.

But it just feels wrong. I feel so out of place here, I have really struggled to make friends and don’t feel like I fit in at all with the school mums. I’m not sure what it is about me but I just seem different!

I desperately miss our old community in London and feel really gutted about what we gave up. DH on the other hand loves our new house and area and our two DC (7 and 4) seem happy enough at the school.

Anyone else been here? Anything to do other than suck it up? In theory we could move back but it would be a bit mad really and it’s not like it would be the same anyway - different house, wouldn’t necessarily get a place at the same school etc.

How are you doing now? did you move back to London? I nearly moved to a rural village area but couldn't move too far from London.. so i don't live in London but it;s greater London, more diverse.. more going on.. just a different buzz.
I nearly moved to one of these villages around st albans and despite the hype, when i went there there was a depressing feel to them. Trust your gut and your heart, both sources of wisdom we tend to override.

Living in and around London is a very different experience to most of the UK and it's a true privilege to experience it. The creativity, the mix of different social classes and most of all everyone not pretending to be upper middle glass or elite. So embarrassing. Most working in jobs for someone, not really living free lives at all to pay for these expensive houses and schools for children they may never see, buying more things.. and then one day burning out and wondering where all the time went.

I realise this is dramatic but it happens a lot and the thing is one never knows it's happening. The heart always speaks.. whether we listen or not is up to us but life is fleeting.

butterfliesandtrees · 04/10/2025 16:31

hatewhereIlive · 26/09/2023 17:27

It probably depends where you move to but where I am is still ethnically diverse - not quite as diverse as London, but certainly not all white.

However it is not socioeconomically diverse.

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the socio economic diveristy is so valuable. It prevents the hive mind mentality and there are real people with real challenges who flourish in adversity. They are creative and resilient, it shows everyone what it means to be human. This is key.

Dublassie · 04/10/2025 16:58

OP you poor thing . I have regular nightmares about leaving Dublin and am so glad whan I wake up and I am still here !!!

If you love city/urban living , nothing else is going to cut it . Especially when it is London you moved from . It's such a great place .

Move back while your kids are small . They will thank you when they are teens and young adults . Sounds like your husband could be convinced !!!

Edited - didn't realise this was an old post and wonder what the OP did ???