Moved out of London to new area but hate it

[hatewhereIlive]

We moved out of London in 2021, we’d been thinking about it for years and finally decided to do it.

It’s been over two years now and I thought I’d have settled but I hate it. We live in a very nice place on paper - leafy, great schools, easy commute to London etc etc.

But it just feels wrong. I feel so out of place here, I have really struggled to make friends and don’t feel like I fit in at all with the school mums. I’m not sure what it is about me but I just seem different!

I desperately miss our old community in London and feel really gutted about what we gave up. DH on the other hand loves our new house and area and our two DC (7 and 4) seem happy enough at the school.

Anyone else been here? Anything to do other than suck it up? In theory we could move back but it would be a bit mad really and it’s not like it would be the same anyway - different house, wouldn’t necessarily get a place at the same school etc.

i left london and agree it was very hard, the snobbery and lack of diversity, small mindedness, lots of not very good looking people where we ended up. but we stuck it out 30 years later, i still love london.

I do work but it’s hybrid (a mix of remote/commuting to London) so I haven’t met people that way. Although I have actually been offered a job more locally just within the past couple of weeks so maybe that might help.

I have joined a book clubs which is good - nobody from the school but maybe that’s no bad thing.

I lived in Herts and Bucks for years.

The snobbery and obsession with money is really off putting.

It defines friendships and determines who is worthy.

I moved out of london and would never go back to live. Life is so much better beyond the m25 but you need to find the right setting for you - I hated the village I lived in for 3 years, liked the midlands city, have overseas and currently live 200m from the sea which is brilliant.

At least you got added to the Whatsapp group..in my daughter's school no one has even done that! This is her second school here as originally they gave her a place at a school 15 minutes away and in that school they did add me to the Whatsapp group. But honestly that school was the poorest school I have ever layed eyes on...they used to eat lunch in their classrooms 😒 And the teachers used to park their cars randomly in front of the school meaning parents & kids would have to squeeze around the cars when entering the school grounds.

New school seems decent but parents are anti social & I'm not feeling very welcome. I feel like an outsider.

The whole place feels odd. Buses are not free here for kids which is weird cos in London it's free up till the age of 11. Even school lunches are now free for all primary school kids. It was a bad time to leave London.

You sound so much like this one person I met here in this area who sounds exactly like me.

Is this just a commuter belt thing? I live in a rural town in the SW & don't recognise pretty much anything described on this thread apart from the lack of public transport & needing a car.

I'll definitely move back in 2 years time. When we bought our house, we agreed to stick it out here for 3 years. I can't stay any longer than that because I miss London so much and all my family are there.
My daughter will be in her last year of primary school by the time we move back. But to be honest I don't really want her finishing primary school here so it works out fine.

I lived in London and moved many years ago. But what I have done is relocate completely and not to commuter belt London which I have always thought is complete shite. @APurpleSquirrel I think it is. DH grew up in Woking, his Mum still lives there and I just don’t like it at all.

I would say it's quite possible that you've moved to the "wrong" place.

I agree with @GingerIsBest

I shudder at the thought of ever leaving... and remember having a panic attack staying with a friend in Luton.

It’s superior attitudes like this ^^ that get up non Londoner’s noses.

Not fitting in with school mums might be because you are a better person than them in some ways, and if they are hostile to newcomers that is their failing.

Or not fitting in with school mums might be because you think you are a better person than them in some ways, and they sense this.

I can’t help but feel that some of the posters on this thread are maybe subconsciously projecting that as where they live isn’t London and their new area just doesn’t measure up to it and are perhaps being a little superior? I suspect that the people in their new community are sensing this.

Also, if you spend all your spare time visiting museums, art galleries, the theatre etc then you should stay in London. I love art and culture, but I don’t need it all the time.

I’m from South London, and moved to Leeds many years ago. I didn’t miss London at all. My commute was awful – packed like sardines on the tube, being groped, putting up with bad breath etc. In Leeds we lived somewhere that had a train station so I could commute to work by train. I also nearly always got a seat on the train. I then moved from Leeds to rural South Yorkshire and love it here.

The people in our village (which also has a train station) are not insular or unwelcoming. I think it helps that there are a lot of incomers from all over the UK. Most people re not religious either.

This is really interesting, because I would say no one travels abroad more than Londoners!

I'm not sure I agree with this @Usernamen. I know loads of people who travel regularly. We live equidistant in time from Manchester and Leeds Bradford airports (an hour on a good run)

It's only after leaving London (to move to another city, where culture also exists), that I've realised just how much the London bubble is a thing.

I think the problem is that people who like London, like cities. But when they 'move out' it's to the opposite of a city. Little wonder they don't like it.

You have nailed it @HumHubs and @Tara24

Then when we have hot weather like last summer and Londoners are complaining about the heat and the hot crammed public transport I can feel smug while driving in my air conditioned car to the offic which also has aircon. When I get home I can then go and potter in the garden.

I should add that where I live a few Londoners have relocated due to WFH, it’s not close enough to commute in every day, it’s about 2 hours on a fast train so it’s never going to be a mass amount but It’s ruffled local feathers as they do not actually work here but command a London wage so are seen as pushing up house prices and not contributing locally. Sort of perceived as second home owners almost though they aren’t.

I think the snobbery and small mindedness wasn't from the locals here.

I live nowhere near London and I don't recognise this at all. My neighbourhood is nothing like this.

The only negatives where I live is lack of diversity and public transport could be better.

I haven't read the whole thread but we did the same - moved from SW London to Surrey (nr Epsom) - and I really really hated it. We never settled and never met 'our' tribe - although we met one other couple at the nursery who we spent a lot of time with - they then moved abroad for work, and we decided to cut our losses and move again. We've been where we now are for 15+ years, and we have lovely friend and community here, but we will move again once the children are through the excellent schools, because I am craving rural peace, not the craziness of the South East!

I tried every group, hobby, toddler group etc etc but just never found people I gelled with - the commute and space were lovely, but neither of us were happy, so if it really isn't working for you, then life is too short - perhaps move again for secondary school?!

This is all really strange to me, I feel the complete inverse is true. I lived in London for 3 years in a few different places and never knew a single one of my neighbours, in the blocks of flats I lived in I didn't know anyone. People were so rude and self absorbed I was completely floored after coming from the SW from a large village where you got to know a lot of people and everyone says hello.

Everyone in London seems obsessed with schools and getting in the best ones - in the SW you just go to your local school and it's generally lovely unless you live somewhere really rough.

The thing is if you move out of London to somewhere not too far but incredibly affluent then the chances are you're going to be surrounded by people obsessed with money - because you don't end up living in those sorts of places if you're not. Also because often no one can afford to live in these places except very rich ex Londoners you only get a very certain type of person.

I tried every group, hobby, toddler group etc etc but just never found people I gelled with - the commute and space were lovely, but neither of us were happy

This isn't a London vs not London thing though. I moved from one village to another and got to know far more people and gelled with them where we live now than where we used to live.

I agree with @itsmyp4rty that moving to an affluent ex Londoner area isn't the right move to make.

I lived in London for 3 years in a few different places and never knew a single one of my neighbours, in the blocks of flats I lived in I didn't know anyone. People were so rude and self absorbed I was completely floored after coming from the SW from a large village

this bears no resemblance to people who are born here, or move here and make a life, become part of their local community, put down roots.

If you lived in several different places in 3 years of course you didn't make any connections with anyone. You only stayed a few months.

I've known of many people who do similar and they are responsible for the idea that London is anonymous and unfriendly, whereas for millions of us it is home, and not remotely anonymous or unfriendly.

I think if you're born and grow up here, nowhere else is ever quite right. Especially as your family are here

Come home!

Tottally agree with you! I was born and bred in London. I didn't live outside, even for Uni until I was 45. We were kind of forced into it as both of us were made redundant within a year, and our mortgage was too big for us to be able to afford it. We moved to another city because I am a City person at heart. I am also Asian and was a bit worried about being the only Brown person in the village ( not the case by a long shot) there are diverse places outside London, we are very close to the countryside so we spend a lot of time there as a family and I have to travel a lot for work, but have never had any problems at all. When I lived in London when I was a lot ypunger, I had friends of different races at work, but much of the time, socially, especially as I got older, I was the only brown person in my group of friends, who were all White so no one really mixed socially with different ethnic groups. In my experience, because there are so many people you can find enough people if your own ethnicity that you dont really need to mix. My friends were mostly not only asian but from exactly the same ethnic group as me in my teens and 20s.. Here, there aren't enough of us, so we mix much more. You would think no racist attacks happened in London at all, when actually there are tons.
I now do more in Central London than I did when I lived in the suburbs because we make a day or a couple of days at half term or in the holidays and go down to do things. I aldo manage to find museums, art galkeries, theatres where I live. It's only once you leave London that you realise how parochial some Londoners are. They think they are well travelled because they had a Gap year in Goa and go to the Turkish Supermarket to get their Falafels occasionally instead of Sainsburys but then have panic attacks outside the M25!

They think they are well travelled because they had a Gap year in Goa and go to the Turkish Supermarket to get their Falafels occasionally instead of Sainsburys but then have panic attacks outside the M25!

I love visiting London, but the crowds, dirt and crowded public transport are reasons why I would never want to live in London, even if I could afford it.

I don't think I'm better than anyone here just because I came from London. I'm used to mixing with everyone but here it feels like they have their own groups from before & I get the impression they don't like people from other towns coming here & ruining their area...I know you are thinking how do I know this? I actually read numerous posts to that extent on the Nextdoor app (local community app). Also sometimes I hear the mums at school talking to each other about how the area has gone downhill especially with all the new people moving in 😒
Supposedly the crime has increased in the area and they feel it's because outsiders have moved here.

Someone saying Londoners feeling like they are well travelled..I think you are looking at it the wrong way. Being asian myself I notice myself getting looks ocassionally from people here who don't like asians. It happens. There have been some ocassions of racism. I feel at times these people would benefit from going to London and seeing the diversity & understanding that we are all the same regardless of skin colour. No one person is superior to another on the basis of their skin colour. So if Londoners feel well travelled it might be because they are used to seeing diversity everywhere they look & that's a good thing.

Diversity and acceptance of it is one big things I miss about London. I don't mind being in a less diverse area but unfortunately a lot of people seem to struggle when they see a brown person. I really do wonder if they have ever left this area and explored the rest of the country

It sounds to me that the area you live in just doesn't have very nice people. It also sounds like they are somewhat racist @Rose38.

I live too far from London for it to be commutable. Round here people work in Sheffield, Leeds, Rotherham, Barnsley, Wakefield and Manchester so the demograhic is bound to be different to anywhere commutable to London.

I would say there are more incomers to our village than locals, but we have been made to feel welcome and unjudged.
I have friends who are local, from Sunderland, Brighton, Hertfordhire, the Wirral, Sheffield, Chesterfield and Leeds. Admittedly there is very little diversity, but that is historical and goes back to the mining days.

I suspect that many Londoners who move out maybe have unrealistic expectations about where they are moving to, and expect it to be like London but quieter.

I don't regeret leaving London at all. It is great for visits, but that's all.

This is one of the reasons I wouldn't have raised my kids anywhere else. I am not white British (my husband is) and my children are just one of many, many mixed families at their school/friendship group.

At primary school, I think there were almost as many first languages in their class as there were children - over 20 different languages among 31 children. They had and have friends from literally every continent, religion, ethnicity, etc. in the world. So they have grown up with a completely ingrained understanding of cultural differences, without really thinking too much about it.

Plus it's interesting in and of itself - they get to eat food from all around the world when they go for playdates, joined in loads of different types of celebrations, and I've made friends with mums who come from all over the world.

I lived outside London for a few years as a student and postgrad and i was very aware of being 'different'. I think that white British people sometimes don't get this.

I feel like this is well, but I live abroad. Today in particular is a very rough day, not sure if you heard about the flooding in central Greece, but I live in the area that was very heavily hit three weeks ago and we are expecting another storm, I’ve only been here for six months, and then that time I’ve been through the train crash, not on the train but I live in a town close by, wildfires in July, and then storm Daniel. My new home has had flooding issues, there is something wrong with the structure of the building, and all in all, sometimes I really regret it. I like you, I really miss the events and the cultural activities , and the things open to people with disabilities in London. If I managed to stick it out here, one thing I am trying to do is get some things set up for people with disabilities, partly to give me something to do so I won’t be so bored. I have been looking around at different library events, book talks, author talks, activities, etc. and I have been making my own activities from those. So for example, I saw an event that was Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Junior, and an old-fashioned dinner, so I re-created my own version of this. At one of the universities, they had a performance by Nestor Torres, I believe he’s Puerto Rican but he’s a jazz musician. So one night, I created my own performance and listened to his music. I am having a very difficult time though here because I don’t have anything to do yet, I am visually impaired, which adds to the difficulties. I speak quite good Greek, but there are very few job opportunities for somebody with low vision, and I am having to create things of my own. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today, and I will be a bit more positive, but right now… It’s tough going.

and to anybody who is thinking about buying a property in Greece, especially because the weather is… Nice, or so they say, please think about the wildfires, the floods, and the earthquakes. A lot of the videos that people make about Greece, talk about the relaxed lifestyle, etc. etc., what they don’t mention is things like what it’s like to go through a natural disaster as bad as storm Daniel, which has left families with children in the road, mud everywhere, we didn’t have water for a few weeks, and all in all, it is not the best situation right now. Sorry to sound so down, I’m usually a strong person, but this has been very difficult for me

I'd hate to live in an all white town because I just know I'd be treated different and I'd experience racism it's happened before. London has more going for it and I like to see different faces. Sue me

I think was something like 'If you are tired of London, you are tired of life".