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Original poster

Snoring man in children's ward keeping everyone awake

155 replies

toadasoda · 23/09/2023 02:44

I'm in hospital with a sick child on a busy ward full of (obviously) sick little ones and the only person having a nice ol' sleep is the only man on the ward. Yes I know its 'not his fault' but is it fair to keep everyone awake? He knows he is a snorer so surely he should adjust position or set timers or something. Am I being completely unreasonable? I'd wake him only he is behind a curtain and I feel that's not fair on the child he is with. Why do snorers always get to sleep and not anyone else. In any other circumstances one person's needs wouldn't trump a whole group.

OP posts:
LemonPeonies · 23/09/2023 07:56

If my child was sick you can bet your ass I'd be with him 24/7 on the ward. PS. Women snore too.

neonjumper · 23/09/2023 07:57

Needmorelego · 23/09/2023 04:49

His child is sick.
His child probably asked for him to be in the bed with him.
He can't help snoring.
I spent 3 weeks with my daughter in hospital (during COVID when you couldn't even do the parents taking turns thing) and I am a dreadful snorer. I can't help it. Get some ear plugs. Children's wards will never be quiet - even at night.

This is typical response from snorers . It's all about their comfort and everyone needs to just put up with it .

If you are a 'dreadful snorer' do something about this rather than everyone having to do things to accommodate your problem .

The OP is correct in suggesting that a snorer who is a considerate person would do their best to minimise disruption to others ie setting a timer to stir you completely doable on a hospital ward .

PostOpOp · 23/09/2023 07:59

OP you have my FULL sympathy.

Love all the snorers saying "I can't help it, suck it up." Yeah, easy to say when you're the one with a full night's sleep. I find that snorers aren't so happy when their sleep is disturbed...as shown by those saying "Thankfully they [people who were kept awake] were kind enough not to wake me up" and the like!

I hope your DC makes a quick recovery and can be back home soon.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General health Sleep
RedToothBrush · 23/09/2023 07:59

"It's awful but I'm not going to bother to complain. Instead I'm going to let me and all the other kids and parents on the ward just be miserable and miss healing sleep. I'll just moan on the internet cos that will solve the problem."

Jeez.

Just say it's causing an issue.

LemonPeonies · 23/09/2023 08:01

@bruffin how is parents staying with their child in hospital a safeguarding risk? There are many good reasons this has been allowed for many years.

Trippinthelightfantastic · 23/09/2023 08:02

@toadasoda If someone can get out today boots stock “Bioears soft silicone earplugs” they are excellent. I have them and an eye mask any time I’m in hospital as all the checks in the night are very disturbing never mind snorers.

Sorry to hear your DD is so unwell, I hope she gets better soon and that the two of you manage some sleep. 💐

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DirectionToPerfection · 23/09/2023 08:03

toadasoda · 23/09/2023 07:55

I don't think anyone expects a good night's sleep in hospital. Of course there are going to be machines bleeping, nurses in and out, and upset children on a paediatric ward. But what upset me was the way he was lying in the bed, every one knows that's the worst position for snorers. And unbelievably all the little ones were quiet so it was just him. I had my daughters headphones with some relaxing music, I had to put it to absolute max volume to drown him out, he was insanely loud. If it absolutely can't be helped and snoring is inevitable in any position then halfway through the night he should be woken and others allowed sleep. That to me would be a fair compromise.

I agree with you OP and I'm sorry you've had such a stressful night.

I hate the excuses. "I can't help it". If you're a bad snorer you should be seeking medical attention and doing whatever you can to minimise the impact on others, including adjusting your sleeping position. So few snorers do that though, because they get their sleep and don't give a shit who they disturb. It's absolute torture.

I hope your DC is doing ok x

Universitynewbie · 23/09/2023 08:04

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 06:55

What an unkind thread. I’ve been in paediatrics countless times over the past few years with my daughter in for very long stints at times. She always struggles to sleep as it’s full of crying babies and toddlers, snoring patients, obs made, buzzers, nurses needibg to discuss things, distressed teens ….

You don’t know what the other family have gone through, the patients may have additional needs and you don’t know the potential reasonable adjustments or arrangements that have been made Pretty sure you’d rather that than a crying child all night. You should be letting other patients have their privacy not be spying and reporting on them online.

Finally I snore as do many other women I know. There is no cure.

Potential reasonable adjustments to allow them to disturb everyone by snoring all night? Really? Come on!
I didn't see anything nasty in the OP, and of course there are things people can do about snoring and they should do everything possible to minimise the impact on other people. I loathe this rhetoric that snorers have.

Bunnycat101 · 23/09/2023 08:04

A lot of men sleep deeper than women and you are probably in major flight or fight mode re your daughter so if it wasn’t the snoring, something else would likely be keeping you up.

I do understand the rage though. My husband used to snore terribly- like full throttle volume. Turns out he had severe sleep apnea and since he’s been on a cpap machine our lives have been transformed. But the absolute rage it gave me some nights when I couldn’t sleep. It’s really hard to not focus on it once you’ve zoned in.

MentalBloch · 23/09/2023 08:07

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 07:55

MentalBloch

What are his options? You don’t know his medical history. You don’t know the medical needs of his child.

As suggested by others, he could set timers to wake himself regularly. He could sleep in the chair as sitting up to hopefully reduce snoring. Maybe there are options to reduce his snoring in the long term for his family's sake he hasn't been bothered with (or maybe not in this case, some can help it some can't I do realise). Or depending on circumstances he could keep himself awake until he is relieved by the other parent then sleep elsewhere the next day, or have a doze on the ward in the daytime when it's less disruptive. Harsh maybe, but no.worse.than the other parents on the ward are experiencing and that's life with kids/poorly kids. Either way, a tricky situation all round.

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:08

You don’t know if his child has a hospital
passport or how distressed he was without his/ her father next to him. If he has autism he may well need the comfort .You really shouldn’t be spying on other bays.

I snore and have had to stay in with my children countless times often for several weeks at a time. No way would you be booting me out. I always worked with the nurses and were lead by them. Some times we’ve had to listen to a tv wheeeled in to be used to calm a distressed child. Sometimes we’ve had to endure moaning, crying all night. My daughter often needed obs throughout the night and was crying herself. My child needs quiet to focus on eating which she rarely got. It is what it is an overstretched ward with needs of many needing to be balanced. She never slept at night and caught up throughout the day.

And the sex of the parent is neither here nor there. I’m the snorer in our house and during 6 weekly stints we’d be swopping as to who was on hospital duty. So shock horror my daughter would have her dad some times and other times her snoring mother. Frankly given the huge amount of stress and upset we’ve experienced I wouldn’t relish the added stress of being ticked off about my snoring.

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:10

So other patients get his timer going off all night. 🤔Maybe his child needs him in bed with him in order to stop crying and distress all night. It may be a rescind or adjustment. You do not know all the information.

Bellyblueboy · 23/09/2023 08:10

to Be frank I really don’t think most nursing staff value sleep for patients!

my dad just spent two weeks in hospital. In a bed in a corridor. Beside nurses station. The nurses made loud phone calls all night - calls on speaker phone about other patients. They shouted up and down the corridor, loud mobile phone ring tones. Unbelievably inconsiderate to the elderly sick man trying to get some sleep. Dad wouldn’t let us complain.

This man might not Know he snores. I would tell him: it’s affecting too many people.

CelestialSausage · 23/09/2023 08:13

Thank goodness my child had his own room, sleeping near a snorer would have pushed me over the edge physically and mentally. A heavy snorer Sleeping star shaped is so utterly selfish

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:15

You don’t know the reasons. And when my daughter had her own room it was just as noisy.

DirectionToPerfection · 23/09/2023 08:15

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:10

So other patients get his timer going off all night. 🤔Maybe his child needs him in bed with him in order to stop crying and distress all night. It may be a rescind or adjustment. You do not know all the information.

A timer going off occasionally would be far preferable to the people around him then consistent snoring like a freight train.

It's called showing consideration for other people, including sick children.

Have you ever sought help for your snoring?

MentalBloch · 23/09/2023 08:17

I was thinking closer to the 'quiet/silent vibrating phone timer in a pocket' than 'old school bells and whistles alarm clock' end of the scale.

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:20

Yep nothing works.

So do we get to complain about all noise on wards?

News flash -nobody gets a good nights sleep on hospital wards.

So during the night and day when many need to sleep too there should be no tv, phones, loud toys,no crying, screaming, moaning, beeping, conversations…..

Bellyblueboy · 23/09/2023 08:21

@AutimnW1nter

this is clealry an emotive topic for you.

ao you sleep on a ward full of sick children and their parents. You know you snore. You know you are going to keep everyone else awake on that ward.

i absolutely that for your your child’s welfare is the most important thing - everyone parent will feel the same on that ward as they lie awake praying you would be air up and let their sick child get some sleep.I think it says something about your attitude that you equate your snoring with a distressed child crying. We expect that on a children’s ward - sleep is hard come by. But a prarent keeping everyone awake - I would rage!

as I child I spent a lot of time in hospital. I remember the disturbed sleep. It was frightening being awoken during the night and it took ages to get back to sleep. I was a feisty child; I would have probably kicked you and told you to shut up or go home!! I did kick a few doctors.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/09/2023 08:23

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 06:55

What an unkind thread. I’ve been in paediatrics countless times over the past few years with my daughter in for very long stints at times. She always struggles to sleep as it’s full of crying babies and toddlers, snoring patients, obs made, buzzers, nurses needibg to discuss things, distressed teens ….

You don’t know what the other family have gone through, the patients may have additional needs and you don’t know the potential reasonable adjustments or arrangements that have been made Pretty sure you’d rather that than a crying child all night. You should be letting other patients have their privacy not be spying and reporting on them online.

Finally I snore as do many other women I know. There is no cure.

If you are a regular snorer to a level which disturbs other people then you need to see your doctor for a referral/investigation.

Even if you don't care about the people you are disturbing, it can be a symptom of serious underlying health issues which are perfectly treatable.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 23/09/2023 08:25

I know it’s hard if you’re a snorer (DH is one) but it’s incredibly selfish to not try to mitigate the problem at all. I bet the ward snorer’s other half is loving their quiet night at home!

Have a look if his airdrop is accepting messages.

Then go for your life sending him your thoughts……..

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:27

The nights I had to stay were times my child was particularly distressed and frankly as a family and patient we made made far less noise than most.You don’t know the details or history of the other patient or what they’ve been through. If all you’ve got to worry about is raging about another parent snoring lucky you.

Slothmoth · 23/09/2023 08:29

When DS was last in overnight there was a woman snoring SO loudly it was keeping everyone awake, but it's not her fault and it would be unfair to keep waking her. He DD had been in hospital for 7 weeks and so I imagine she was bloody exhausted and needed the sleep. Sure it's really emotional and hard being with your child in hospital and not sleeping isn't ideal, but not sure what the solution is really. It's not fair to keep someone awake as they snore, same as there isn't the resource to then assign them a separate room. Would you be as bothered if it was a woman?

Bellyblueboy · 23/09/2023 08:37

AutimnW1nter · 23/09/2023 08:27

The nights I had to stay were times my child was particularly distressed and frankly as a family and patient we made made far less noise than most.You don’t know the details or history of the other patient or what they’ve been through. If all you’ve got to worry about is raging about another parent snoring lucky you.

I am thinking of this from the other children’s perspective. Yes of course you have rights to be with your child but you are clearly someone whose focus on their own bubble has meant a loss of empathy for others.

it’s awful being that child on a children’s ward who can’t sleep. It’s scary and it’s lively. My parents didn’t stay because my dad worked nights and my mum had to care for my siblings. If you were snoring loudly in the next bay I would have had no one to advocate for me. I would have just had to lie awake listening to you/. As I said when I was as six or seven I might have shouted at you to shut up and go away. It would have depended on how sick I was that night and how brave I was feeling. I would certainly have told you I hated you and you were a horrible person!! The hospital years were tough I turned into a cheeky little blighter!!!

but all you have done on this thread is make up illness for the child and special circumstances for the parent. You haven’t shown compassion for the children impacted by the snorer.

Qilin · 23/09/2023 08:45

If you are a regular snorer to a level which disturbs other people then you need to see your doctor for a referral/investigation.

Hmm, good luck with that. It's hard enough to get a timely referral for something way more serious.
For many people the referral wait would be months, and even into years. And there isn't a,ways a 'cure' for it unfortunately.