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Original poster

is it rude to ask if i can bring my daughter (1) to a birthday party my son bad been invited to

107 replies

sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:34

my son has only just started school and was never invited to parties while at nursery so this is all new to me!

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall , he is very excited to have been invited to a party

is it rude for me to ask the parents if I can bring his sister along who is 1?

I'm unsure how these things work!

OP posts:
Bruisername · 14/09/2023 09:36

So you mean so she can join in or because you have no one else to look after her at that time?

Illegallyblonder · 14/09/2023 09:37

if it's not a drop and run, which it probably isn't then you need to stay and ideally no, you don't have your 1 yo with you.

Hadalifeonce · 14/09/2023 09:37

Yes. Will you not be dropping off your child?

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Original poster
sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:37

@Bruisername sorry I should have stated - because I have no-one to look after her on the day of the party

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:38

@Hadalifeonce i'm unsure if it's a party where the parents are expected to stay? he's never been to a school friend party, but the last Childs party i did go to all the parents seemed to stay?

OP posts:
chineapplepunks · 14/09/2023 09:38

I wouldn't say it's rude to ask, but you have to be prepared that the host might say no because of numbers/cost etc. It's better to ask than just bring her along and hope for the best.

Orangebadger · 14/09/2023 09:38

I have always had people ask me to bring siblings at our kids parties and I have never had a problem with it if the parents are staying. I get the impression some people do though! I would just ask though.

Bruisername · 14/09/2023 09:39

In that case I would either just drop and run or if that’s not possible then I would message the party hosts and explain and see what they say. In a hall type party some might be expecting siblings but others may want to restrict it to the relevant age group.

but if you do take her don’t let her join in if it’s inappropriate and don’t expect a party bag!!

DuploTrain · 14/09/2023 09:40

As it’s in a hall, (so they won’t have to pay an extra entry fee) I think it’s okay to ask if you can bring her along.

Redebs · 14/09/2023 09:40

Give the host a call and see.
As long as you keep little one out of the way, I'm sure noone will mind.

Whattodo112222 · 14/09/2023 09:40

Not rude I don't think, but you'd need to be mindful of her wanting to join in, food, drink etc...

No harm in asking, I know I wouldn't have a problem with it if it was me.

Sartre · 14/09/2023 09:41

Just text the number on the invitation and ask the question. At that age I think parents usually stay so if you have other children, the parents tend to be understanding and have no issue with other children attending.

Original poster
sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:41

@Orangebadger thank you, I know I personally would not have an issue with people bringing siblings along

, if it was a party where the party was paid for per head I would obviously understand.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/09/2023 09:41

When they’re only 4 I’d think the parents would stay. I know my dd wouldn’t turn a hair if you stayed with your baby - she’d v likely expect it - but best to ask first IMO.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/09/2023 09:42

How old is he?

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 14/09/2023 09:42

It was a pretty much standard thing that if you had multiple children you would take them along for parties. Soft play was easy, because the invited child would be on the list, and you just paid for their siblings and buy them food separately. Parties in village halls where parents had to stay to supervise, you would ask permission out of courtesy, but take your other dc with their own food and perhaps little party bag. House parties no, you can't take them, but parents don't stop for house parties.

PuttingDownRoots · 14/09/2023 09:44

On mumsnet its rude.

In real life... different areas seem to have different etiquette. We lived on an amy camp when mine were that age so having the other parent unavailable was a regular occurrence so siblings were normal... we paid if it was somewhere that charged by child, otherwise just brought their own food and drink with them. Sometimes they got a spare party bag, but no expectation. Similar aged children joined in with games... but usually had their own friends to play with!

Just be honest... say that Your child would ove to come but there's no one to care for the toddler, offer to pay if necessary and say you understand if that doesn't work for them.

CatamaranViper · 14/09/2023 09:45

Only ask if you don't have another childcare option.

Will your DD be upset if she doesn't get a party bag? What about food?

Simplepink · 14/09/2023 09:47

This is one of those only on MN things. In the real world I’ve never known anybody to be annoyed at younger siblings being around for a church hall style party.
obviously different if it’s a pay in soft play etc but it’s not rude and most people wouldn’t care.

im the parent of an only and honestly couldn’t care less if people turned up to dc party in a hall/the garden with extra siblings in tow!

CatamaranViper · 14/09/2023 09:48

Also, in the hall, have they hired any entertainment? It's probably fine for a 1 yr old to join in a disco or magic show but if it's a big bouncy castle with a load of 4-5 year olds it might not be suitable. Or something like slime making, again probably not suitable.

viques · 14/09/2023 09:50

Where is the party being held? If it is somewhere like an activity centre or soft play then you would need to pay for your daughters entry ( and yours) and would not expect her to be included in any food or drink provided by the hosts, so be prepared to pay for this at the venue and eat it away from the party guests.

If it is at a hall then the same thing applies , though admission costs would be free. The hosts might offer her food and drink, but might not, so take your own for her. You would not expect a going home party bag for your dd. You would be expected to keep her amused and occupied and not allow her to wander into the party activities.

if it is at the party child’s home then obviously space is an issue, you can ask, but they could well say no. In which case you decline the invitation, but it would be nice to send a birthday card to the birthday child, though not a present.

if you do attend the party then a birthday card and a present are both customary. If you aren’t sure what the child would like then it is fine to send some money in the card ( warn the parent it is there!) but a small something to unwrap, even if it is only a bag of haribo, is a good idea.

Duttercup · 14/09/2023 09:52

CatamaranViper · 14/09/2023 09:48

Also, in the hall, have they hired any entertainment? It's probably fine for a 1 yr old to join in a disco or magic show but if it's a big bouncy castle with a load of 4-5 year olds it might not be suitable. Or something like slime making, again probably not suitable.

But she's not asking 'can my 1 year old come and be a full part of the party', she's asking 'if I have to stay, is my 1 year old alright to be with me?'. A hall party with big kids charging around and a few mums with babies noodling on the sidelines is a completely normal sight everywhere but Mumsnet land.

Original poster
sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:52

thank you all for your replies

with regards to a party bag, i honestly don't think she would even notice, and knowing my son he would probably give her his party bag if he noticed she did not have 1

With regards to food, I would not expect them to cater for her, and I would obviously bring some snacks for her to have

OP posts:
Duttercup · 14/09/2023 09:53

@viques it literally says it's in a hall.

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall ,

underneaththeash · 14/09/2023 09:53

Redebs · 14/09/2023 09:40

Give the host a call and see.
As long as you keep little one out of the way, I'm sure noone will mind.

This is the key, as long as you can keep her occupied then I'd ask. If you don't think you can then I wouldn't.

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