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Original poster

is it rude to ask if i can bring my daughter (1) to a birthday party my son bad been invited to

107 replies

sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:34

my son has only just started school and was never invited to parties while at nursery so this is all new to me!

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall , he is very excited to have been invited to a party

is it rude for me to ask the parents if I can bring his sister along who is 1?

I'm unsure how these things work!

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 14/09/2023 21:05

I'd ask and offer to bring snacks / lunch for her so it's clear you won't need anything. Also say that it's due to childcare issues and it would be a bit of a dick move to say no as it literally has no bearing on anything

CuttyShark · 14/09/2023 21:06

Jeez there are some tight arsed uptight people around aren’t there.

Ha, this!

Will acknowledge however that there's a difference between the age of 1:

23 month old is a whole nother level compared to a 12 month old 😖

Caterina99 · 14/09/2023 21:12

I’d ask out of politeness, but it’s totally normal in my circle to bring little siblings (older ones is another matter though) to kids parties. The majority of parties we’ve been at have usually had plenty of food and spare party bags that they give to siblings anyway

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Viviennemary · 14/09/2023 21:17

Yes it's cheeky.

ASoapImpressionOfHisWifeWhichHeAte · 14/09/2023 21:27

In my experience at that age it's a parents stay situation and many of them with have littler siblings with them, not just you. Different if it's an activity like soft play or bowling where you pay per kid and parents tend to leave, but in a hall there will almost certainly be parents and siblings sat on chairs around the sides of the room. Polite to ask but I'm sure it won't be an issue. If I was the party parent I'd be happy to let the younger siblings join in the the festivities too.

amiboverd · 14/09/2023 21:46

The thing is one 1 yo might not impact the party but but if several families brought an extra child then it could impact on space. Not all village hall type venues are very large.

I agree you should just ask - is it a drop off party or are parents staying as you don't have anyone to look after your 1 yo.

CattingAbout · 14/09/2023 21:49

@DuploTrain Totally agree with this

willingtolearn · 14/09/2023 21:59

If you do take your 1 year old you need to bear in mind that they are not invited and that a bunch of excited 4 year olds will not be prioritising the 1 year old's safety in any way.

Nor should they - it is a party for their age group, so if you take the 1 year old you supervise them entirely and remove them from any situation where they are causing any issues - including where they are in danger or are getting in the 4 year old's way.

It would be grossly unfair for the 4 year olds to be told off in any way because they are not considering the 1 year old at a party they were not invited to and is likely unsuitable for them.

OooohAhhhh · 14/09/2023 22:01

I don't understand what people are going on about? Baby is 1, invited or not she goes where ever you go?
I've been invited to 3 parties (4/5 year olds) over school holidays and every time I have just brought my 1 year old with me.
I even had her play in the soft play (unpaid for) at the party & no one batted an eyelid?
Take your 1 year old, they wont be bothered.

AliOlis · 14/09/2023 22:07

OooohAhhhh · 14/09/2023 22:01

I don't understand what people are going on about? Baby is 1, invited or not she goes where ever you go?
I've been invited to 3 parties (4/5 year olds) over school holidays and every time I have just brought my 1 year old with me.
I even had her play in the soft play (unpaid for) at the party & no one batted an eyelid?
Take your 1 year old, they wont be bothered.

No, she doesn't go wherever op goes if she's not invited. That's a horribly arrogant attitude to have.

If the party host doesn't want a 1 year old at her 4 year old's party in a hall (which will be full of rambunctious 4/5 years olds charging about) - she has every right to say so.
She may of course be fine with it. But it's not a given.

Normandy144 · 14/09/2023 22:15

It's only rude if you're expecting the child to join in, be fed and have a party bag. If you make it clear you're stuck for childcare and so can either drop him off and run or you can stay but 1 year will sit with you on lap, won't eat etc then I think it's fine. I would double check with the host however but make it crystal clear you're not expecting her to join in.

OooohAhhhh · 14/09/2023 22:20

@AliOlis even if baby is just sat in pram not doing anything/not having any food etc? And baby is there purely because the person had to bring them/couldn't get childcare? 🤔

AliOlis · 14/09/2023 22:25

OooohAhhhh · 14/09/2023 22:20

@AliOlis even if baby is just sat in pram not doing anything/not having any food etc? And baby is there purely because the person had to bring them/couldn't get childcare? 🤔

No, if the child isn't going to be toddling round the hall at risk of being knocked flying by the party children it'd be fine.
But I asked ages ago how mobile the child was (bearing in mind she could be any age between one and two) and op didn't respond, so I imagine not a babe in arms.

DappledThings · 14/09/2023 22:30

Round here you wouldn't even need to ask. In a hall party siblings are pretty much expected, certainly not resented.

Older ones people will sometimes bring a packed lunch for them but there's always plenty left over. Nobody would bat an eyelid at a 1 year old.

OooohAhhhh · 14/09/2023 22:31

@AliOlis ok, thanks for clarifying

DanceMumTaxi · 14/09/2023 22:34

I think given her age it’s fine. It’s not like you’re bringing an older child who would want to join in. The rules are different for babies.

DappledThings · 14/09/2023 22:35

AliOlis · 14/09/2023 22:07

No, she doesn't go wherever op goes if she's not invited. That's a horribly arrogant attitude to have.

If the party host doesn't want a 1 year old at her 4 year old's party in a hall (which will be full of rambunctious 4/5 years olds charging about) - she has every right to say so.
She may of course be fine with it. But it's not a given.

Show quote history

I would assume anyone I invited with a 1 year old sibling then the siblings would be coming. I don't think I've been to any hall parties in the 4 years of school I've been going to them where younger siblings weren't in attendance and it's never been at all commented on. Maybe we're a particularly laid back area, I doubt it. I assumed this was standard.

Positive41 · 14/09/2023 22:53

willingtolearn · 14/09/2023 21:59

If you do take your 1 year old you need to bear in mind that they are not invited and that a bunch of excited 4 year olds will not be prioritising the 1 year old's safety in any way.

Nor should they - it is a party for their age group, so if you take the 1 year old you supervise them entirely and remove them from any situation where they are causing any issues - including where they are in danger or are getting in the 4 year old's way.

It would be grossly unfair for the 4 year olds to be told off in any way because they are not considering the 1 year old at a party they were not invited to and is likely unsuitable for them.

This

Missreginafalange · 14/09/2023 23:04

Jeezus some of these replies.

It's not rude to ask if you can bring your 1 year old to be with you and not partake in the actual party.

I've taken my 1 year old to a few parties this year and it's never been an issue with the parents, baby has sat on my lap or on one of the other mums laps and eaten from the food I've brought in my bag, No party bag given and no fuss made.. may help that I've known the parents well but also lots of other childrens siblings have been present too, if it's a problem then they say so and other arrangements are made.

It's not like you are asking for the sibling to be included in the party activities, food etc.

Snugglemonkey · 15/09/2023 00:03

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 14/09/2023 09:42

It was a pretty much standard thing that if you had multiple children you would take them along for parties. Soft play was easy, because the invited child would be on the list, and you just paid for their siblings and buy them food separately. Parties in village halls where parents had to stay to supervise, you would ask permission out of courtesy, but take your other dc with their own food and perhaps little party bag. House parties no, you can't take them, but parents don't stop for house parties.

In the days pre drop and run, I expected it and asked on the invitations if parents could let me know if siblings were coming so I could do party bags and snack boxes for them. It was not a bother.

CPLawyer · 15/09/2023 00:46

I don't think it is rude to ask as she's only 1. Make sure you take your own snacks/food for her so they don't think you're being cheeky! X

PollyPeep · 15/09/2023 01:01

Bruisername · 14/09/2023 09:39

In that case I would either just drop and run or if that’s not possible then I would message the party hosts and explain and see what they say. In a hall type party some might be expecting siblings but others may want to restrict it to the relevant age group.

but if you do take her don’t let her join in if it’s inappropriate and don’t expect a party bag!!

Would you really drop your four year old off in a hall with people you don't know (he's just started school)? How many adults will be looking after the kids? I know if I was hosting a party I'd rather have an extra adult there, even with their one year old, than have to look after a bunch of four year olds on my own 🤦‍♀️

PollyPeep · 15/09/2023 01:02

OP, just ask if it's ok. I can almost guarantee it's fine! It's a village hall party not a wedding lol.

housethatbuiltme · 15/09/2023 09:41

People saying no one will drop and run. Some might.

My DS reception class birthday a parent did. Literally just left their child with me (a complete stranger) in the middle of town and went 'Right I'm going shopping, Ill be back at 'insert time''.

Wasn't even a party venue like a soft play (first time I tried to throw a party so fully DIY as I had no idea) and I took them for Mcdonalds. They just left their kid with me in the middle of the shopping complex. Didn't even know my name just my phone number from the RSVP and that I was 'apparently' (as I had never met them before so really I could have been anyone) Luke's mam.

I was quite taken a back as I assumed all parents stay at that age.

Goldbar · 15/09/2023 09:49

I've heard some horror stories on here about parents dropping and running. Including a small child dumped at a busy hall party who couldn't be found when the parent returned because they had wandered off to a nearby playground.

We'd never leave 20-30 small children with an unqualified, non-CRB checked stranger trying to organise food and games in an unsecured, noisy, hectic environment in any other circumstances, but there is something about parties which seems to make many parents very relaxed as to whether their child will actually be returned to them or not.

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