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Original poster

is it rude to ask if i can bring my daughter (1) to a birthday party my son bad been invited to

107 replies

sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:34

my son has only just started school and was never invited to parties while at nursery so this is all new to me!

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall , he is very excited to have been invited to a party

is it rude for me to ask the parents if I can bring his sister along who is 1?

I'm unsure how these things work!

OP posts:
Godwindar · 14/09/2023 10:28

Lots of younger parties now, the parent stays. This seemed to instantly change between my first and second child just under 20 years ago! I'd turn up with a 1 yo, with snacks. Toddlers or older siblings in a hall, I would ask, specific paid for places, unless a softplay, probably take a very small child but not older. Hopefully, by next year, you can drop and run and it will be fine!

FrustatedAgain · 14/09/2023 10:29

Yes it will most probably be perfectly fine. When you send your rsvp text just say little Sunnysideup would love to come to the party thank you for inviting him. I just wanted to check it would be ok to bring his baby brother along, I'll make sure he has his own snacks with him etc.

gogomoto · 14/09/2023 10:29

At one I don't think there is an issue, they aren't really taking part and don't expect a party bag, bring your own snacks for her. It's harder for siblings close in age who want to join in

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Catastrophejane · 14/09/2023 10:32

I would contact the parent for more details.

Is it a party where kids are dropped off? Or do they need parents to stay?

just explain that you have a 1 year old, so ask if it’s ok if you bring her?

A one year old isn’t going to be involved in the activities- she’ll probably be on your lap the whole time. I wouldn’t think this was rude and with an invitation list of 5 year olds, you can’t be the only person in this situation ( possibly also the host!)

I’d call, leave a voicemail or ask face to face, as sometimes people can mis-read tone on texts.

lots of people asked me this for my son’s parties - never thought it was rude.

what is rude is taking an older sibling, then pissing off!

Justaredherring · 14/09/2023 10:41

Duttercup · 14/09/2023 09:52

But she's not asking 'can my 1 year old come and be a full part of the party', she's asking 'if I have to stay, is my 1 year old alright to be with me?'. A hall party with big kids charging around and a few mums with babies noodling on the sidelines is a completely normal sight everywhere but Mumsnet land.

Show quote history

This. Just send a courtesy message asking if it’s ok as you have no one else to look after her. I’ve never known anyone to say no in these circumstances. I’ve only ever known it to not be ok when there’s a limit to the number of children and you’re asking about a sibling who is older than your baby. A 1 year old shouldn’t count in terms of numbers anyway

Leftleg · 14/09/2023 10:49

No it's not rude, I've had siblings come along to any of our parties and I've sometimes had to take mine to other parties. They don't join in, they're just sitting with me watching. Luckily mine are older now so we don't stay.

shearwater · 14/09/2023 10:53

It's not rude to ask if you are staying. It's only rude if you don't ask and expect it to be ok.

Bunnycat101 · 14/09/2023 10:55

For a hall party I think it’s fine but still ask. This is mainly an issue for reception/y1 as after that you’ll generally drop off.

Findyourneutralspace · 14/09/2023 10:57

I’d ask with the RSVP - just say DS would love to come however I don’t have anyone to watch the baby. Would you prefer I drop and run or stay with LO in tow?

AnIndianWoman · 14/09/2023 10:57

She’s still a baby so it’s okay. Just make sure that you are able to keep an eye on both of them.

Yeahas · 14/09/2023 10:58

I've held 2 class parties in a hall. Some people asked about siblings (usually toddlers who'd take part), some didn't. Most parents with little ones would just bring them along and it was never a problem. They wouldn't assume they could eat the party food etc, but I always offered.

Mariposista · 14/09/2023 11:01

Drop and go. Your kid is too little to understand she can’t join in and your son will be busy having fun with his friends.

Positive41 · 14/09/2023 11:03

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all but I would want to know beforehand. She's 1 so she's not going to nick the food or grab a party bag!

senior30 · 14/09/2023 11:14

In our class it’s generally expected that the siblings will come along. If it’s a pay per head the parents will pay for their extra child, in a hall etc it’s easier. I wouldn’t worry about seeming rude, just send a message, mumsnet is quite often detached from reality.

lilmini · 14/09/2023 11:28

Completely normal for siblings to come to parties in our school/nursery, my DD was in reception year and parents always stayed. Not sure about Year 1, we have only just started. Personally I've always chosen to do hall parties and stated on the invite that siblings are welcome, because we have a younger DD so it was always helpful to us. Venue parties can be trickier because they often charge per person.

Maddy70 · 14/09/2023 11:30

Yes very rude. Your other child isn't their friend

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/09/2023 11:32

Fine it not a paid activity - a hall yes fine to ask- and that age don’t drop and run, stay.

Maddy70 · 14/09/2023 11:32

Actually on reflection I hadn't actually taken in the age. Say something along the lines of. Would you prefer parents to stay or leave? I am quite happy to help supervise but I will have to bring my 1 year old

INeedNewShoes · 14/09/2023 11:47

I don't know anyone who would be able to bring themselves to say 'no' to this request but I think it should be avoided if possible. One particular party comes to mind where there were 10 invited children at the party and 6 uninvited siblings and it really changed the dynamic of the party. My DD ended up giving her balloon to the birthday girl as one of the siblings had taken one.

It also depends a bit on whether it's a village hall party which can absorb extra kids more easily or if it's at a paid venue. DD had a softplay party and the venue told me I would be billed at the end if any siblings turned up.

And if it's at someone's house it's already going to be busy/cramped...

housethatbuiltme · 14/09/2023 14:53

Young kids can normally tag along but dont expect food/party bags and if its paid entry expect to pay as you youngest is not a guest of the party.

I've been hosting kids parties for 15 years and its pretty common for babes in arms and baby siblings to attend parties, they are usually no bother.

The problem comes when its older children (similar aged siblings) who think they are also a guest and try to join in and their parents don't stop them.

AliOlis · 14/09/2023 15:03

How mobile is she? A babe in arms is one thing; a child considerably younger than the other guests being allowed to toddle about getting in the way would be a pita.

Mintyt · 14/09/2023 20:45

Ive not RTT but if I was hosting a party for reception class children it would not bother me at all if younger siblings came. But

Coffeaddict · 14/09/2023 20:52

Village Hall around here not a problem my baby has been to a few but was alot younger like still in a sling.
Even the one I had in my house for my 3 year old the 2 guests who had younger sibling bought them. But in our case we all work at a uni so none of us have family near by that would mind younger siblings so absolutely expected that families all come together

prescribingmum · 14/09/2023 20:58

Only in MN do people feel inconvenienced by the fact you dared ask the question.

In reality, your son has just started school so parents are going to stay for the party, not drop off 4 year olds with a stranger. Your younger child is just 1 - they are not going to fully participate in the party, take over, eat all the food or demand a party bag. I can’t see any reasonable person having a problem with you bringing a child who you will occupy and feed for the duration of the party.

If I were hosting, I would much rather you asked then decline the invite (and would welcome you and younger one with open arms when you ask)

StorminanDcup · 14/09/2023 21:01

Who the hell begrudges a 1 year old baby tagging along to a reception age party.

Jeez there are some tight arsed uptight people around aren’t there.

I’ve personally taken my youngest on a couple of occasions and I’ve personally had quite a few mums bring siblings to parties we’ve thrown.

can’t imagine saying no for the extra £1 it might cost me to throw a few extra sarnies and crisps together for a few siblings

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