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Original poster

is it rude to ask if i can bring my daughter (1) to a birthday party my son bad been invited to

107 replies

sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:34

my son has only just started school and was never invited to parties while at nursery so this is all new to me!

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall , he is very excited to have been invited to a party

is it rude for me to ask the parents if I can bring his sister along who is 1?

I'm unsure how these things work!

OP posts:
Wnikat · 14/09/2023 09:54

"Hi other parents name,
My son is really excited about 's party. Is it ok to drop him off and return to get him at the end? I'd be happy to stay if you prefer but would have to bring his one year old sister with me. Let me know what works best.

viques · 14/09/2023 09:54

Sounds as though you have it sussed OP, just check with the hosts, then enjoy thirty small children racing around on a sugar rush!!!!!!!!!!!!

viques · 14/09/2023 09:55

Duttercup · 14/09/2023 09:53

@viques it literally says it's in a hall.

He has been invited to a birthday party in a hall ,

So it does.

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Humidititties · 14/09/2023 09:56

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 14/09/2023 09:42

How old is he?

1, it says right there in the title

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2023 09:57

Just say or ask the parent do the parents stay and if so you will need to bring the baby is that OK?

rainbowstardrops · 14/09/2023 09:58

Wnikat · 14/09/2023 09:54

"Hi other parents name,
My son is really excited about 's party. Is it ok to drop him off and return to get him at the end? I'd be happy to stay if you prefer but would have to bring his one year old sister with me. Let me know what works best.

Perfect message

NeedTheSeaside · 14/09/2023 09:58

Hadalifeonce · 14/09/2023 09:37

Yes. Will you not be dropping off your child?

@Hadalifeonce

no, it's not rude to ask if you can bring a baby to a 'hall' birthday party.

hes 4, he's only started school a few days ago & hasn't been to lots of parties, of course you wouldn't just drop him off!

@sunnysideup0908 as above!

of course, just ask. Obviously they'll mostly just be running about having fun, if you think she's 'getting in the way/disturbing anything if they've hired a magician or something) you can just take her for a walk about outside.

take some snacks as the food might be in individual boxes or something.

MN often doesn't reflect real life in these topics!!

Honestly just ask & it'll be fine.

DS needs a few parties under his belt before you just drop him off.

start to teach him how it works and remind him to just ask an adult to tell him where the toilets are etc.

Mydustymonstera · 14/09/2023 10:00

I have never known anyone be funny in real life about small siblings. I think it’s polite to text and check and phrase it in such a way that the host can say no. Also yes to not expect party bag for the sibling or food. Though usually they just pitch in on everything !! My DD usually enjoyed making a mini party bag ‘for the toddlers’ for her friends’ little sisters. They’ll all be playing together in another year or 2 after all! But I was stresssed if I wasn’t expecting them so checking in advance is key.

GigiAnnna · 14/09/2023 10:05

You can only ask. I always had this problem with attending parties as I have four kids. Ideally I would ask another family member to take them to the party or babysit my other kids. I had to miss some parties if I had no one to help out. If you can keep her sitting with you then I can't see it being a problem. If you think she's going to get up and want to join in or cry a lot then I wouldn't take her.

Desecratedcoconut · 14/09/2023 10:09

Just ask. I'm sure you are more than capable of knowing what your younger child does and doesn't need and hardly need the opinion of strangers on that matter. But in terms of etiquette, it's fine to ask and in the hall parties I have done for my dc over the years, it wouldn't have been an issue.

SummerInSun · 14/09/2023 10:12

Gosh people are weird. Of course it's not rude to ask a polite question!!!

Personally I don't even think it's rude to bring a baby who isn't participating in the party to the party - heaps of people have done that with my DCs' parties without asking and it doesn't bother me at all, but I appreciate that opinions are divided on that so it's politest to ask. What would be rude would be turning up with a child only a year or two older or younger than the birthday party children who expects to be treated like another guest with food, party bag, etc.

Goldbar · 14/09/2023 10:16

This is a very small child. Practically a baby. I don't see an issue with asking because realistically with a 1yo it isn't going to be suitable for them to join in the party and they're probably not going to want to (or make a pain of themselves in the way that a 3yo might). Instead, they'll be hanging out with you at the side. So as someone above said, you're not asking "can I bring a sibling to the party?" but "Is it OK to supervise my 4yo at your child's party with a sibling in tow?" I think until they're a bit bigger and likely to want to join in everything, they're in the same category as babies personally.

readingmakesmehappy · 14/09/2023 10:19

DS4 was invited to his first school party this weekend. DH was busy so I asked if I could bring DD1. Host said fine. I wish I hadn't had to take her as it meant I couldn't keep a close enough eye on DS who went slightly haywire with all the sugar. DD would probably have liked a party bag but I didn't feel it was right for her to have one. If the host had said they didn't have space I'd probably have got a sitter for her - and actually that's what I may do if the same happens again.

JustKeepSlimming · 14/09/2023 10:19

I'd send a message to the parents to ask whether they'd mind your 1 year old staying, and emphasise that obviously you'll bring some toys to keep her entertained, and you'll have her food with you too.

To be honest, if I was the host, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a child under 2, whether the parents asked or not, as long as they were supervised. Older than that and they might try to join in, which could be a problem if the older ones are a bit boisterous - I still wouldn't mind, but I'd expect to be asked.

stayathomer · 14/09/2023 10:20

i'm unsure if it's a party where the parents are expected to stay? he's never been to a school friend party, but the last Childs party i did go to all the parents seemed to stay?
Rule around here is if the first few parents stay everyone stays, if they go, you run (lol). I'd say it to them if you're staying 'by the way I have noone to mind one year old is that ok?' Or if you want you could ask would they like you to stay and I think most people wouldn't care if you brought a one year old, different if you bring a eg seven year old and expect them to join in on everything. Hope your son loves it op!

Silkiebunny · 14/09/2023 10:20

I would just ask, say your son is really looking forward to party and you have a 1 year old and would it be ok to bring her. I would have been fine with that and expected parents to stay.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/09/2023 10:21

I would have been very happy to accommodate you in your circumstances. It’s certainly not rude to ask.

Goldbar · 14/09/2023 10:22

SummerInSun · 14/09/2023 10:12

Gosh people are weird. Of course it's not rude to ask a polite question!!!

Personally I don't even think it's rude to bring a baby who isn't participating in the party to the party - heaps of people have done that with my DCs' parties without asking and it doesn't bother me at all, but I appreciate that opinions are divided on that so it's politest to ask. What would be rude would be turning up with a child only a year or two older or younger than the birthday party children who expects to be treated like another guest with food, party bag, etc.

Yes, she's basically asking "can my younger child sit next to me in a crowded hall while I supervise the older one?" People would have to be fairly unreasonable to think that was an imposition. It's different with an older toddler who will likely want to be included and make a fuss, and want food and a party bag.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2023 10:23

sunnysideup0908 · 14/09/2023 09:38

@Hadalifeonce i'm unsure if it's a party where the parents are expected to stay? he's never been to a school friend party, but the last Childs party i did go to all the parents seemed to stay?

I'd ask "is it parents drop or stay cos I have Violet who's one and noone is able to have her, what would you like me to do?". Then they can say oh it's fine, leave him or being her, in which case say thank you and I'll keep her busy and out of the way.

mindutopia · 14/09/2023 10:24

It's totally fine to ask and in this situation, I can't imagine most hosts would have an issue with it. Just make it clear that you will bring food/drink for her and don't expect her to be included in any party activities, and it's simply that you can't leave her at home on her own.

I think it's only problematic when people bring their 9 & 10 year old to a 5 year olds party and then let them run wild, smashing things up, and let them eat all the party food. But she's a baby and I imagine will mostly be on your lap. And there is no cost for an extra child anyway - but even in say, soft play, you would just pay the entry fee yourself.

EggInANest · 14/09/2023 10:25

I think it’s ok but Keep your baby with you and do not allow them to toddle about amongst the older kids / get in the way / interrupt their games / cause the host to have to facilitate younger children amongst the guests.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2023 10:26

Humidititties · 14/09/2023 09:56

1, it says right there in the title

Show quote history

It's the daughter who's 1.

amiboverd · 14/09/2023 10:26

I think if you're looking after the 1 year old and not expecting them
to join in, have food or a party bag, then that would be fine but you need to be able to properly supervise the child who is invited to the party as well.

myhusbandwantsadog · 14/09/2023 10:28

I think it's fine, personally I would have fed her and made her a party bag at my kids' parties.

Iliketulips · 14/09/2023 10:28

Phone the host and explain the position. You can take snacks for your one year old and things to keep them occupied as much as possible, given the four year old will want to play together with their new friends. Might be you offer to stay nearby and leave your telephone number.