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Original poster

3 kids. 3 bedrooms. Let them bicker, or come up with a plan?

116 replies

NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:02

We're moving to a new house.
I get the main bedroom.
Then, there are three very similar bedrooms for the kids.
Kids are 18, 16 and 12.
There's really nothing much to choose between the bedrooms. They're all nice double rooms. One is slightly bigger. One has a nice view.

Kids haven't seen the house yet. It occurred to me that they will see it on moving day and if two of them decide they want the same room we will begin our new house with bickering and bad feeling. Perhaps I'm being a bit superstitious? Or sentimental? I don't want to begin a new house with bickering.

If it's relevant, new house will be a bedroom downgrade for 18yo and an upgrade for 12yo (compared to current house).

How would you play it?

OP posts:
BIWI · 11/09/2023 10:04

Is there a logic for you as to which child should have which room? If so, then I'd go with that and just tell them which is their room!

Will your 18yo be off to university soon? Then I'd give your other two preference.

Cheeesus · 11/09/2023 10:05

Is there any way for them to view the house in advance? If not I’d be inclined to pick for them.

Original poster
NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:05

No obvious logic.
18yo has at least another year at home.

OP posts:
NCyousee · 11/09/2023 10:08

At these ages I think you can involve them in the decision about the decision. Tell them what the rooms are like, reassure them they're all ok, and then ask how they would like to decide who gets what- drawing straws, asking you to decide best on need, or whatever.

RaininSummer · 11/09/2023 10:09

I think I would explain this to them and let them draw out of a hat for their room.

Catsonskis · 11/09/2023 10:09

Any other rooms such as a second lounge or dining room you could turn into a 3rd bedroom?

all kids same sex? If so, I’d probably put the 18 and 16 year old in together as 18 yo will be off soon, and both on a more similar time table/life style than the 12 yo?

you can do some really cool ways to divide up the room, give the bigger room to the two sharing and put a big kallax unit down the middle of the room to act as a divider

Talipesmum · 11/09/2023 10:10

I’d ask them if they have any preference (from pictures / floor plan), and say that if they happen to all agree straight away (with you keeping an eye!) then they can have their pick, otherwise they draw lots and whoever picks the longest chooses first, the mid length chooses second and the shortest chooses last (and the shortest can pick the takeaway for the first night in the house).

BIWI · 11/09/2023 10:10

So your 18 year old has one more year at home, but your other two have longer - your youngest will be there for the longest. In that case, I'd give your 12yo the first choice, and then the 16yo.

While it's always possible your 18yo will come back (says someone who has both their adult DC back at home!), your other two DC will be living in this house for longer.

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 11/09/2023 10:11

By age imo. Surely there should be perks to being the oldest? When 1 leaves home they can reshuffle if they want...

ApolloandDaphne · 11/09/2023 10:11

Catsonskis · 11/09/2023 10:09

Any other rooms such as a second lounge or dining room you could turn into a 3rd bedroom?

all kids same sex? If so, I’d probably put the 18 and 16 year old in together as 18 yo will be off soon, and both on a more similar time table/life style than the 12 yo?

you can do some really cool ways to divide up the room, give the bigger room to the two sharing and put a big kallax unit down the middle of the room to act as a divider

There are enough rooms for each child to have a room of their own.

Catsonskis · 11/09/2023 10:12

@ApolloandDaphne Doh! Case of not reading the op properly, apologies @NailyDale ignore all my irrelevant advice haha!

CyberCritical · 11/09/2023 10:12

Show them the floor plan and pics and get them to choose their rooms in advance, then they and the movers will know where to dump the boxes.

Original poster
NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:12

That's a good idea! I'll just tell them I don't want our first thing in the new house to be bickering and ask them how they want to fairly decide. They're lovely kids and don't even argue much. I think I'm just stressed about the move and I really don't think I can cope with going through it all only to have clueless teens being arsey about their room, when they're all nice rooms!

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 11/09/2023 10:12

Draw straws or roll a dice for order of picking.

Dizzydahlias · 11/09/2023 10:12

Number the rooms and let them pick a number out of a hat.

Bemyclementine · 11/09/2023 10:13

I'd give them the option, decide amongst themselves, if they can't, you choose?

Can you show them a floor plan and get them to pick from that? Do it individually, you never know, they might all choose a different room!

My DC are younger but I know if dc2 said " I really want the tiny Box room with no window" DC 1 would also want it, just to be awkward!

Clymene · 11/09/2023 10:13

Foggyfoggyfoggy · 11/09/2023 10:11

By age imo. Surely there should be perks to being the oldest? When 1 leaves home they can reshuffle if they want...

Why? I've never understood 'perks' for the eldest.

If they're all similar and you think they'll bicker, I'd draw straws. And then they have 24 hours to negotiate a swap.

Original poster
NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:15

"My DC are younger but I know if dc2 said " I really want the tiny Box room with no window" DC 1 would also want it, just to be awkward!"

Yep! I'm pretty sure the 12yo will decide she really wants whichever room her big sister wants.

I did wonder about getting them to quietly let me know which room they like best, and then I'll let them know the final decision. Seems a bit ott?

Okay. They decide amicably, or we roll dice.

OP posts:
JellyBabiesSaveLives · 11/09/2023 10:16

Sounds like the 18yo has had the biggest room in the old house? So the youngest gets first choice this time.
I don’t get why “eldest perks” really. Why does being born first mean you deserve better things?

But show them photos and layout now and ask their preferences, they may make it easy for you. But then let them pick, youngest first.

HowcanIhelp123 · 11/09/2023 10:17

With how expensive uni accommodation is you can't really guarantee 18yo will leave, they may decide uni isn't for them or live at home.

Either draw straws then they can negotiate a swap if thet want to between themselves, or since its a downgrade for 18yo let them pick to soften the blow a bit and big up how much better any of them is to 12yo since its such an upgrade.

Original poster
NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:19

We have seen the floor plan and shown them photos.

I hear what you're saying about eldest getting last dibs - but she may end up at home for a while yet. She is also the most anxious of my three, and takes huge comfort in her bedroom. It's more important to her than the other two.

Middle child won't really mind and will end up with whichever they decide is the worst one. And I feel bad that because he's so easygoing, he always gets the short straw!

Youngest is the one who will make it difficult, because she's always on guard about getting less because she's the youngest.

OP posts:
JellyBabiesSaveLives · 11/09/2023 10:19

😀 show them the photos etc separately and get each child to write their room choices down in order of preference, in a sealed envelope …

Original poster
NailyDale · 11/09/2023 10:20

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 11/09/2023 10:19

😀 show them the photos etc separately and get each child to write their room choices down in order of preference, in a sealed envelope …

Honestly! I'm considering this!

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 11/09/2023 10:20

I'd set them a time limit and say, "you've got one hour to decide between you, then I'll pick for you." If one has chosen a room the other two don't want, they get to keep it even if the other two can't agree on which room they get, and split the remaining rooms between the remaining kids.

PhantomUnicorn · 11/09/2023 10:21

when we moved we chose on practicality.

I got the biggest room as i have a double bed.

DS doesn't use his room other than to sleep, but he likes peace and quiet, so he got the one furthest away from everyone elses hubbub.

DD has the most clothes/stuff, so she had the one with the bigger wardrobe and best layout for cupboards.

The room left became the games room because i don't allow tvs/consoles in bedrooms.