3 kids. 3 bedrooms. Let them bicker, or come up with a plan?

[NailyDale]

We're moving to a new house.
I get the main bedroom.
Then, there are three very similar bedrooms for the kids.
Kids are 18, 16 and 12.
There's really nothing much to choose between the bedrooms. They're all nice double rooms. One is slightly bigger. One has a nice view.

Kids haven't seen the house yet. It occurred to me that they will see it on moving day and if two of them decide they want the same room we will begin our new house with bickering and bad feeling. Perhaps I'm being a bit superstitious? Or sentimental? I don't want to begin a new house with bickering.

If it's relevant, new house will be a bedroom downgrade for 18yo and an upgrade for 12yo (compared to current house).

How would you play it?

If the youngest is the sticking point, get her to choose first so that she can't pick the rooms the others want just for the sake of it!

I'm amazed there's been no request for a floor plan yet.

Eldest gets first dibs. It is the way.

-signed, an eldest child

Do you have to move furniture in to the rooms on moving day? I'm thinking let them have 2 nights in each room and then decide.

she's always on guard about getting less because she's the youngest

I think there are a few good reasons to give your youngest first choice:

Assuaging their feelings about always getting less

She had the worst room in the previous house it sounds like

She will be there longer - I know your eldest isn't planning to leave for university immediately but even if they all move out when they are 25, that's 7 years for the eldest Vs 13 years for the youngest

Of course if they can agree it amicably that's the best outcome but if they can't, I would give the youngest what she wants

I’m baffled as to why they haven’t seen it already, have they not looked at the pictures and said which room they prefer? Mine make that decision the moment they see the house specs. 😂

I’d say go in age order. Let the 18 year old pick. Then the 16 and the 12 can have the third. Baring in mind the 12 year old is likely to have pick or them when the older ones move out.

I don't see why adults can't decide these things.if middle child does nt usually get their pick I'd let them have first dibs, then the youngest and the oldest last cos they'll be there the least time.

Sounds like you have at least 1 boy and at least 1 girl so they need to be roomed by sex.

new house will be a bedroom downgrade for 18yo and an upgrade for 12yo

I’d go by age and give the 18 year old first choice then. Sounds like any of the rooms will be an improvement for the 12 year old.

What do you mean?!

There are three people and three bedrooms.

Tbh to avoid arguments over it I would allocate and make the decision. They can have choice of how to decorate and things to buy for the room. On move in day label the rooms with names so they know which one is theirs and head their first.

Ha ha .I am the eldest and the only benefit of being the eldest was occasionally getting first dibs

I misread it. Its a little hazy "three bedrooms....I get the main bedroom....three kids"

I read it before coffee.

How long to move in day? Need to know the outcome of this.

Choose their rooms for them. Your the parent with the final say. If not let them pull names out of a hat or something and stick with it

Sit down with eldest and the pictures, then middle then youngest
Get them each to give you 1st and 2nd choice.
Eldest gets her 1st choice. It's a downgrade and she's more likely to be affected emotionally.
Then pick between the others so no one doesn't get at least 2ns choice.

Declare your decision.

Remember middle child's "worse option" is a double bedroom to himself. He's not Harry Potter.

I would say youngest gets first pick as they will be living at home longest, then middle child then oldest. But ask them to pick in advance from floorplan/estate agent details in advance. Any changes of heart must be resolved via respectful mature negotiations not bickering. Anyone who whines or raises their voice to their sibling or fails to take "no thank you" as an answer to their request for a swap will automatically be ruled against by the adjudicator (you)

Why do you have to decide on the day?

I’d get them to discuss it among themselves and try to decide. If they can’t, then they can draw lots (or whatever). But don’t leave it until moving day - that’s a recipe for mayhem.

Be positive about all 3 rooms.

In truth, you have no real problem here. Usually people are torn over who gets the box room, who will have to share etc. So don’t manufacture a problem.

Don’t set up an atmosphere of competition or ‘the best’. Talk about how exciting it will be to choose the decoration for their rooms.

Sort it out BEFORE moving day. Then label boxes and assign furniture. Otherwise it will be chaos on moving day and everything will end up in the wrong room, making setting in more stressful and bickering more likely.

I would show them the floor plan, say ‘brilliant, all the rooms are equal, we just need to decide whose boxes go where, I suggest, in no particular order, yours, yours, yours. OK everyone?’

Any dispute: OK, we’ll draw lots.

Just tell them they need to choose or you will do it for them, and that is that.

I’m not gonna read 4 pages but have read your posts OP and haven’t seen any mention of using a downstairs room? Might be an idea. We have 3 kids in a 3 bed and one is going downstairs (ex-dining room and we’re left with spacious kitchen/diner and living room downstairs).

Exactly what I was coming on to say-
we often do this in a much more light hearted way-to have my 3 dc pick whatever is currently under contention.

I would stress that you would like it to be confidential so no one's choices impact the others (ie the 12 year old wanting whatever the 18 year old picks)

I would just draw them out of a hat I think. Too complicated otherwise. A lottery has a basic fairness they can all understand, even if the results are unpopular.

This