3 kids. 3 bedrooms. Let them bicker, or come up with a plan?

[NailyDale]

We're moving to a new house.
I get the main bedroom.
Then, there are three very similar bedrooms for the kids.
Kids are 18, 16 and 12.
There's really nothing much to choose between the bedrooms. They're all nice double rooms. One is slightly bigger. One has a nice view.

Kids haven't seen the house yet. It occurred to me that they will see it on moving day and if two of them decide they want the same room we will begin our new house with bickering and bad feeling. Perhaps I'm being a bit superstitious? Or sentimental? I don't want to begin a new house with bickering.

If it's relevant, new house will be a bedroom downgrade for 18yo and an upgrade for 12yo (compared to current house).

How would you play it?

If two of them bicker over the same room then the third child gets it.

For the remaining two rooms they toss a coin.

For someone who shared a bedroom until university I can't imagine being ungrateful about any bedroom of my own but I guess times have changed.

But I'd let them look at the rooms in person first, if possible, as it might make a difference. For example, the smallest bedroom in our last house had the most lovely view of a little wood and was my favourite bedroom in the house because of that.

I understand - my middle child has the nicest room and is keeping it when he goes to uni, because it matters a lot to him and the other two have other things that are more important to them.
Fairness is giving each child what they need, not giving equally

I’d just do oldest has biggest, youngest has smallest. Allocate them like that. Or anyway tbh but I’d be the one allocating them rather than letting them fight between the rooms. Can you not show them the Rightmove pictures etc. so they can warm up to the idea of what room they will have?

If two of them bicker over the same room then the third child gets it.
What if the third child wants a different room? Why should they be punished and not get the room they wanted just because the other two are being silly?

This...

"For someone who shared a bedroom until university I can't imagine being ungrateful about any bedroom of my own but I guess times have changed."

Fair point.

"Fairness is giving each child what they need, not giving equally"

Absolutely agree with this.

Because then there is no unfairness about they got it and I didn't. Neither child gets the bedroom they fought over.

If they can’t agree and you end up having to decide for them, I would give the 12 year old the biggest as will be at home the longest, 18 year old the nicest view (so she still ‘wins’ in some way) and the 16 year old the other room as you say he’s more easy going and typically boys aren’t that bothered about things like a view that much anyway. If all the rooms are quite similar it won’t matter much once they’ve all decorated and put their own stuff in there.

I would ask all 3 individually to put all 3 rooms in order of preference, telling them there's no guarantee of getting any particular room.
If they want they can give reasons. That gives you the heads up. You may be able to give everyone their first choice or at least make sure no one gets their last choice.

This is a really good way of doing it. Especially with the reasons given too.

Make sure they've seen the photos and know which side of house room is front/back. Then you do the final choosing.

how come they haven’t been to see it?! I can’t imagine moving somewhere I hadn’t even got to see!

I'd just decide for them and then present them with their bedrooms as a 'done deal'...

Draw straws or rock paper scissors?

I like this. And if everyone wants the same room with no clear reason for anyone to get it, we draw straws or roll dice.

We'll have to do it fairly quickly though. Will be making the decision on moving day!

I would come up with your own allocation based on what you think each would prefer/ would work best for the family (eg noisiest child is furthest away).

Then tell them your proposed allocation , but say they can swap between themselves if they can all agree. If they can’t all agree then it stays as you’ve said.

My DH didn't even see our current house before we bought it and my DD didn't see her house before she bought it. Sometimes you need to move quickly to secure houses in popular areas and there is no time to get everyone together to visit.

Me too.

You have to take some parental overview role because the youngest is still very young.

Why do you have to? You're not giving them much chance to feel good about this if you rush it.

We took three weeks to settle this decision in our house, because practicalities only become clear when you're in.

I think you should decide before moving day? So the removal people know where to put the boxes apart from anything else.

I would probably ask them in advance and then decide for them. No bickering allowed but reasoned arguments welcome.

We chose for ours we have 3 aged 14,12 & 5.
The youngest got the smallest room which is a single.

The 2 older ones got a double each similar size, but we put the one who disturbs everyone else's sleep by getting up and down for toilet/drinks late at night the furthest away from us!

Have I read this correctly? 2 girls & 1 boy?

We had the same situation - three kids between three decent, but not equal, bedrooms. They are all doubles, but the largest was definitely bigger than the smallest.

We chose for them based on what we felt was best for the family. To make it feel fairer, the one who got the smallest room (the eldest) got his redecorated first and some new furniture.