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Original poster

Do you live a more conventional life than you envisaged?

112 replies

Agesandageshence · 08/09/2023 22:19

I didn't ever think I would live so conventionally. I didn't think I would be special, famous or achieve great things or anything like that, but thought I'd live a little differently.

Eg, there is a whole world yet I live in one place. Or how we live with such poor work life balance. And a big mortgage.

It's difficult to step away from the norm though and would I really want to? I don't know why/how I thought I would.

Anyone else ever think like this? I don't think I'd say this to people in real life! I imagine eye rolling.

OP posts:
BotherThat · 08/09/2023 22:25

I never wanted to get married, never wanted kids and didn’t want to settle in the UK. Or even the same place for more than a few years. Picked a career that would facilitate travelling the world.

Now married 10+ years, sahm, two kids, mortgage and haven’t left this country in 7 years. i sometimes wonder where it all went wrong 😁

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2023 22:27

Yes, very much so. But I couldn’t be happier tbh too 😊

frozendaisy · 08/09/2023 22:53

Easily less conventional than I was prepared to settle for.

Travel lots, haven't been in salary employment for almost two decades can't envision it happening again.

Apart from kid stuff I do what I want when I want.

We have an almost paid mortgage, pension, blah blah but that bit is almost sorted rest is gravy.

On a purely personal basis I could die happy tomorrow but I have lived my life mostly this way for a long time. I don't know how to approach life any other way. Which is probably a failing on my part I am not prepared to address.

toadasoda · 08/09/2023 23:01

I always imagined I'd be a career woman but wanted a family too. I had this image of myself in a senior position living the big corporation lifestyle with perks and social events. I had the ability academically but not really the personality and it took me a while to realise this. I'm not that assertive, would hate being anyone's boss and always had low energy so could never have filled that type of roll. There is a part of me disappointed but I accept it now. I gave up work to be a SAHM years ago, leaving a dead end job but over the years the narrative changed and people presume I 'gave up my career', I take it as a compliment they think I had one! Now working PT in something I love after a career change in my 40s and couldn't be more satisfied with my conventional life.

Sunandseaforme · 08/09/2023 23:04

I always thought we’d live in another country like France or Italy but when my DD was born with disabilities I found it hard enough to navigate hospitals in English, never mind in a foreign language so here we still are.

sezzer87 · 08/09/2023 23:04

I don't have a conventional life and I never planned to either.

Bobbybobbins · 08/09/2023 23:06

Yep having two disabled kids has meant a lot of the plans we had for travel etc just aren't possible.

Whichwhatnow · 08/09/2023 23:06

Ha, yes. Most of my friends and family are travellers/circus people/artists and the like, several are homeless or living in vehicles/squats. I had this lifestyle too until my early 20s.

Now... I'm a corporate lawyer with a mortgage and a husband (something I never anticipated). Soooo yes, pretty dull.

Lentilweaver · 08/09/2023 23:07

Yes and no.

Reluctantadult · 08/09/2023 23:08

Yes I didn't think I'd be married, working part time, kids, mortgage, in a town... I never wanted crazy different but it's the unequal earnings and me going part time I suppose mostly. I did think I'd love more countryside. Dd would love to, now, but we'll see when she's a teenager.

ShellySarah · 08/09/2023 23:08

BotherThat · 08/09/2023 22:25

I never wanted to get married, never wanted kids and didn’t want to settle in the UK. Or even the same place for more than a few years. Picked a career that would facilitate travelling the world.

Now married 10+ years, sahm, two kids, mortgage and haven’t left this country in 7 years. i sometimes wonder where it all went wrong 😁

I wanted marriage and children and a home etc etc.

Now I don't want kids anymore, I'm not married, in a relationship though.

I spend all my spare money on myself & have been on the most amazing holidays and love hiking and paddlesports.

Life is very beautiful

Original poster
Agesandageshence · 08/09/2023 23:08

@frozendaisy do you mean financially you don't need to work so can do what you want?

And doesn't having kids mean you pretty much need to be home rather than travelling etc?

Genuinely interested how you make it work.

I love time with my children. Some of the routine I love. School drop off in the car with our favourite songs and the lovely predictability of seeing them at the end of day. But id also love to head off for a year travelling with them (I wouldn't of course).

Some really interesting responses!

@sezzer87 what is your life like?

OP posts:
firstdown · 08/09/2023 23:18

Yes, my life on paper is surprisingly mundane. Married with 2 dc, big mortgage on a house, days spent doing the school run and ferrying to toddler groups and after school clubs. We do go abroad though but doing lots of theme park trips and very touristy city breaks! Hobbies and fun nights out given up in favour of doing the bedtime routine.

We do live in a brilliant diverse bit of central London though which makes life a bit more exciting than being stuck in the suburbs. And not needing to work means I get to return to more creative hobbies a bit once the youngest is in preschool.

Switcher · 08/09/2023 23:20

Yes and it makes me sad sometimes

Lentilweaver · 08/09/2023 23:23

I have led a very unconventional life in certain respects- lots of travelling, lots of excitement- and it's not all it's cut out to be. I have no roots, for one. Won't elaborate because I have to go to bed as am working tomorrow!

KohlaParasaurus · 08/09/2023 23:28

Yes, my life has been far more ordinary than any of the scenarios I envisaged when I was growing up.

Fantapops · 08/09/2023 23:37

Yes. I grew up in a very very very alternative lifestyle and always thought I'd follow that path.

I'm much more conventional than my family and I'm also much happier than I though I'd ever be. I'm not totally conventional but compared to my family I may as well be Mrs Smith - married, have a house, a normal job etc.

Switcher · 08/09/2023 23:37

@toadasoda that's where I went wrong. I work in a very conventional role, am very well paid and a bit trapped as a result. I hate the industry, hate the company, but I'm the sole earner. I saw myself becoming a journo, travelling all the time on crazy assignments, living out of suitcases, because that was how my parents lived - so I guess maybe I've gone against their conventions!

Hollyppp · 08/09/2023 23:40

I thought I would live in New York and work in fashion.
I did some interning in fashion for a bit, 10 years in beauty buying in London and now I’m a SAHM so life is incredibly less glamorous.

im happy though. Motherhood is more important to me than work

Spellofmathematics · 08/09/2023 23:57

Yes and I mostly despise it. Of course there are good things, family and children which does bring me joy but I find little satisfaction generally from my conventional life. When I was younger I imagined having a glamorous life (comfortable, lots of interests and hobbies, busy social life) but as I got older life has become more mundane and ordinary. My life choices have shaped it, some for the better, but I also thought my choices would have bought more opportunities than they have done. A great extraordinary life is luck of the draw I think. Not many people are destined to have it.

frozendaisy · 09/09/2023 00:06

,@Agesandageshence I don't need to work no. I do bring in money but only when I feel like it.

Kids in exam years so we travel when they are on holiday

But if I decide I want to piss about all day attempting to make the perfect meringue then that is what I will do. Or research rock stars who died aged 27, or urban sketch, or watch SATC all day, or go to the local green gym or outdoor swimming, or play darts or read or saw back a buddleia bush, or buy some beehives, yeah I do that. And I don't have to answer to or justify my actions to anyone.

So yes I live quite unconventionally I think.

I have to learn Spanish to get an EU passport, so I guess that is something I have to do shortly but that's to give us choices on where to live so I don't mind plus it will be fun.

MasterCherry · 09/09/2023 00:14

BotherThat describes me very well too. I am very sad though. I have a nice husband and three beautiful children (definitely not how I ever pictured myself), but I ran my longed-for and potentially fascinating career into a dead end. Now I have a lovely home life but no job prospects despite being highly qualified academically. I feel so stuck and so utterly ashamed of myself.

Moveoverdarlin · 09/09/2023 00:20

What surprises me is just how boring I find my conventional life. Spent all my twenties single and wanted to settle down with marriage and kids. Now in my forties with all the trappings of a perfect life and I’m bored senseless, I dread the monotony of everyday. I never have fun, and I miss flirting with men, dating, the total freedom I had before. I find it suffocating. I wouldn’t ever do anything about it, that’s just my lot now but conventionality is dull.

toadasoda · 09/09/2023 00:40

I wonder how many of us feel the conventional life isn't enough because of our parents ambitions? I was always told how I could have the big career and 'have it all', I was so lucky to go to university etc. My mother and grandmother were so obsessed with my education and how lucky I was to have opportunities they didn't. I have a nice life and it suits me but I spent so long feeling like I'd let everyone down including myself because I had unfair expectations. The conventional life is good and satisfying especially if you are financially comfortable, that's why most people have it or strive for it.

travelogue · 09/09/2023 00:44

At first I thought I'd waft around the world wearing fabulously cut Armani suits as a PR person and have a loft apartment in NY (having visited a very swanky PR agency in London in the 80s and been very impressed) then I thought I'd be a hippy and commune with the universe in India or that I'd be living an alternative lifestyle in a converted ice cream van in Ireland rejecting societal norms and expectations, then I thought I'd be hanging out with bohemian intelligentsia types working in the arts.

I live an entirely normal and boring middle class life, husband, three kids and two dogs and haven't really done anything remotely interesting or unconventional. I mean I have done done fun things in the normal way, and I have travelled and I did have a highly paid career, but I don't think any of my younger selves would be terribly impressed. If I'd made different choices I could have had a more glamorous life, or a more fulfilling career, but I wouldn't have my fabulous DC or DH.

When I think about the things I used to think I wanted, I just don't think I really wanted them enough. Having said that, there may be life in the old dog yet..maybe I will surprise everyone!

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