Do you live a more conventional life than you envisaged?

[Agesandageshence]

I didn't ever think I would live so conventionally. I didn't think I would be special, famous or achieve great things or anything like that, but thought I'd live a little differently.

Eg, there is a whole world yet I live in one place. Or how we live with such poor work life balance. And a big mortgage.

It's difficult to step away from the norm though and would I really want to? I don't know why/how I thought I would.

Anyone else ever think like this? I don't think I'd say this to people in real life! I imagine eye rolling.

This is such an interesting question. As a PP said, it can depend on your viewpoint of what ‘conventional’ means, what your family conventions were growing up, and your aspirations etc.

Compared to my family as a child, I am now living a very conventional life - DH, DC, family dog, healthcare related job and living in the same area for nearly 10 years. But I like the steadiness and security of it, especially for the DC, which I did not have growing up.

On the other hand, I don’t live in the country I grew up in, and I still like to read and think and discover new things, try out new hobbies etc. Further travel, even locally, will hopefully come when I am a bit more free from family-related responsibilities.

And I like it, even though I am not living the unconventional, world-travelling, eco-warrioring life I thought of or expected to lead when I was much younger.

In some ways yes - I own a flat, never expected to have a mortgage as I grew up poor and it just seemed so out of reach. I have a more professional/serious career than I initially pursued. But in other ways I’m living my unconventional dreams!

I used to work in the music industry which did take me on tour with bands a few times and hanging out backstage, I lived quite a party lifestyle but the jobs were so poorly paid which took the shine off. A lot of real dickheads in that industry too. So I went into another sector and eventually bought a flat, but I’m still in London and don’t want to leave. No kids, never wanted them, but have a serious, healthy and nice relationship which I also never thought possible for me after so many failures in that department.

I wish I’d travelled more when I was younger but mental health issues and anxiety were the biggest barriers to that, so I’m putting that right in my 30s - I’m lucky enough that I’m at a point in my career where I can be freelance and a digital nomad so I plan to take as many working breaks abroad as I can afford, and hopefully a mid life gap year - literally a full year travelling - in a few years. So on balance quite unconventional but it’s exactly what I want.

There is a lot of my life that is screamingly conventional (Londonn suburban house, 2 kids, job in an establishment organisation, winter and summer holidays abroad) having grown up in a backwater northern town, its probably more than many of my school colleagues ended up with.

However, things have switched up a notch this year and I am now in a blossoming, loving, very physically active, respectful relationship with someone who is facing paraplegia so we are planning all sorts of travelling around our respective custody arrangements and I am not at all phased by this shift in one part of my life at all despite it looking very unconventional.

Great thread. Have enjoyed reading everyone's responses.

I envisioned I would be a writer by now, my office would be in a yurt in my woodlands on my acreage, of course. That dream still feels attainable and will feed my unconventional side in the future when kids are older

I always wanted children, have 2, they are state educated and I thought I would home Ed. I really enjoy my conventional job now girls are at school but am currently doing my MA in Creative Writing as well. I married a man from a Lower Class background with an ambition to work hard and keep his family safe and loved. It was expected I would marry a middle class suit with office-level ambition but I disliked dating those types of men.

I am probably 50/50 conventional/alternative. The anti-establishment hippy hovers on the surface at all times 😆

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to look at houses in the bumhole of Wales and Northern Scotland with woodland, whilst scanning autotrader to check prices of the Mercedes i like but can't afford.

Thie isn't a popular opinion, but all the data shows that children thrive in a "conventional" set up. Parents who are married and stay together (peaceably), a permanent home, predictably routines, not too much change... So it may be boring, but the fact is it creates secure and happy humans.

Very interesting thread.

DH and I both had childhoods that were tricky in various ways. So it was really important to both of us to give our kids stability (financial and emotional) that we hadn’t had. As a result we have a boringly conventional life, and two thriving and generally content DC.

Neither of us are motivated by material goods, and we’re both easily pleased- what makes me happy is time spent outside walking, going to gigs, spending time with family and a few close friends. So this is what I prioritise within the bounds of our conventional setup.

I think it’s really easy to take for granted this kind of life. When DS1 was seriously ill in hospital with appendicitis a few years ago I remember thinking that I was quite happy for every day of the rest of my life to be boring and mundane, as long as everyone was healthy and well.

It is my wish to live an uneventful week. Never happened. I don't think there is any aspect of my life that is conventional. I had some children, now I have different children. I'm known by various names but have to really concentrate to respond to my legal name if someone calls it. I've lived at 14 addresses in 28 years; previously owned several houses but now I live with a family member and have very few personal possessions. Although I do own a business and work sporadic hours, mostly during other people's sleep or leisure time.

I think my life is fairly conventional (married, kids, mortgage) - but I live abroad which makes it feel more interesting to me

My younger self was horrified by the idea of ending up like my parents, in a boring house in the boring suburbs of a boring town. I have avoided that.

This!

Boring convential life is great.

I did a lot of travelling in my youth and always assumed I'd live overseas - we were very close to emigrating to Australia about 6 years ago with the little DC but I tried to over plan the timing of the visa application and ended up missing the boat. We were still in the visa queue when we turned 40 and then didn't have the points. Now I'm married, living a mile from where I grew up with 2 DC. We do holiday but not 'travel' and not adventurous. To be honest I think this has been the best outcome on reflection. I dislike post-Brexit Britain but maybe the grass isn't always greener. We have security, health, friends and family.

What a fun thread! Like many on here a bit of both for me.

'Unconventional' in the sense that I'm from a developing country and never thought I'd go abroad to study and end up living in the U.K. Or marrying a British man, becoming a houseowner and choosing a profession that while 'boring' is very fast moving... tech. I am/was very risk averse and wanted to be a chartered accountant at first, past all the exams and income guaranteed for life. Now I'll be learning new things until I retire :) and beyond.

Conventional in that I have a sensible job (got on a grad scheme straight after uni) and a mortgage. Had holidays etc but never any massive gap year level travelling around the world.

While I sometimes dream of a more exotic life with all the bad things happening in the world being safe, well-fed and comfortable is already a luxury, with a job that I like and provides a decent lifestyle. Before meeting DH I did think I'd work in various other countries, and I might still do that if we're unsuccessful in TTC but it's not really a calling.

I think it's difficult sometimes to admit you need more than the usual daily routine. I know that children need stability but I wonder if any children grow up enriched by unusual experiences. I know of one child taken to live in Thailand for a couple of years. Another family who sold up and bought somewhere in rural France. I wonder how they will look back on their childhood.

(Although my children are definitely homebodies.)

Children, like adults, have varying personalities. Having known a lot of people who lived 'unusual' lives, anecdotally speaking there has been huge variation in how it has affected them.
Personally I think parenting and the society they live in are the most important factors. For example moving to a different country and getting bullied as an outsider... it's not the 'moving' itself but what happened there, which caused the issue.
There's a whole class of 'executive' children who moved to different countries every few years, with the internet and most of their international schools peer group having the same experience it hasn't affected them that much and a lot of them end up in the same 'prestigious' universities anyway. Besides, they can also afford to holiday and fly back and forth to visit friends.
It's the ones for whom, I find, 'exotic' experiences used as a sticking plaster for a bad marriage that suffered the most. If you have issues in one place uprooting and moving somewhere else, with all its stresses exacerbates it, contrary to what people believe about a 'fresh start'.

There's a lot you can do out of routine, even around me there are new walking routes, new people to meet, groups etc. Different things bring a different sense of 'stimulation' to people. It doesn't always have to be things commonly deemed exotic.

@Cemist Can you explain a bit more?

Fortunately my life is fairly unique. Some details are very painful, most make me easily recognizable. Now all my children are adults I choose to live a compact life which makes me very flexible and available to help family.

I thought I'd live a bohemian life, very arty , meeting lots of interesting people, travelling. Then I had kids, and I discovered that I wanted them to have the sort of life that I'd had as a child - stable, conventional, family orientated. And that is how it turned out - I've become like my parents ! But very happy though.

My life was very conventional. Married for 20 years, gorgeous son, ex-dh in finance, nice home.

Now I'm a single mom, an artist, lovely condo that is eccentric and cozy, and a fabulous partner who happens to be a transman. Not exactly The Cleavers. 😉 I'm extraordinarily happy now.

Absolutely, I never saw myself doing any of the conventional things, but I've ended up here, which is odd. But I did previously already do nearly all the things I wanted, so don't feel cheated.

@Whichwhatnow did you feature in a TV program by any chance with a family from Gloucestershire?

I lived unconventionally until I was about thirty (squats, communes, vans, protests or art based communities, etc) and then sort of morphed into a more conventional lifestyle via living on the land, with growing children, goats, chickens, etc.
Now retired from a thirty plus year career, mortgage free and with grandchildren and a retirement job, I am the picture of a slightly bohemian middle class pensioner.
Albeit one that practises witchcraft and attends occasional festivals and SF conventions, but I don't think that's so unusual these days.
I ended up pretty much as I expected to, I think.

This is such an interesting read, and I identify with many of the things people have written.

My main thing was I wanted to live overseas - I loved the idea of an expat lifestyle. I studied languages partly because of this. I saw myself as doing interesting things and hanging out with intellectuals and being pretty independent.

I live in a small town by the sea with husband, kids and pets. We have a 'traditional' family set up where DH earns most of the money and I do most of the 'life admin/day-to-day parenting'. We're very rooted here (his ageing parents, all the kids' friends).

And broadly I'm happy with it. DH and I both choose to invest our time and money heavily in travel and hope to do more of that when we're a bit older. But I also enjoy my day to day routines here in a mundane way that I wouldn't have expected.

No, but now I'm intrigued!

Yes and no. I've had a fairly unconventional life in that I've travelled and worked all over the world, written a book and have a fairly niche job. However I also now live in the suburbs with a husband, 2 kids and a cat; and if you saw me on the street you would just think I was a 'typical' middle class mum, and to be honest that's what I am now. When I was a teenager I was convinced I was going to be a new age traveller, so teenage me would be aghast at my life now, but I have to say I am really content :)

@Whichwhatnow it was a program where a wealthy family tried to give a poorer one a 'leg up'. The 'poor' woman had been in a travelling circus (or something like that) until her DD was about 6 and had obtained a first class law degree via OU, but couldn't get a training contract anywhere. She was in a lot of debt and her living conditions weren't great. Her young daughter had such a wise head on her shoulders for her age. I used to remember the woman's name and looked her up a few years ago and she had done a PhD and was a lecturer in a university. I was absolutely delighted for her and hope her DD is living her best life.