Do you live a more conventional life than you envisaged?

[Agesandageshence]

I didn't ever think I would live so conventionally. I didn't think I would be special, famous or achieve great things or anything like that, but thought I'd live a little differently.

Eg, there is a whole world yet I live in one place. Or how we live with such poor work life balance. And a big mortgage.

It's difficult to step away from the norm though and would I really want to? I don't know why/how I thought I would.

Anyone else ever think like this? I don't think I'd say this to people in real life! I imagine eye rolling.

Oh my life is fantastically conventional, just as I’d hoped when I was an unhappy kid really. I’m a 30 year old SAHM with a husband, a toddler, two dogs and running our own business in agriculture. It’s exactly what I wanted. We did our travelling when we were younger, living on the other side of the world here and there, going out all the time and all that.. but this was always the dream. A steady peaceful life with a good, kind man who adores me, raising our kids together.

I think I live an unconventional life compared to most. I went to university, first in my family. Went to a Russell group. Did v well. I have spent my life working in the arts. I'm not an artist & am v successful in my field. It's allows me to tavel extensively. I'm married to an artist who is very successful & again his career has given us all sorts of opportunities of going places & meeting people including presidents & world leaders.

We're comfortable but not rich but with the right opportunity we could become rich.

My work is mentally very enriching & challenging & I get paid to spend my dats with all kinds of smart engaged people people from art, theater, academia etc worlds & make amazing projects happen.

I very rarely get to describe my life in these terms even to myself & most days I don't see it for what it is as it's also a loy of firefighting etc

I have a dc & they're late teens & healthy & happy & that feels like the biggest win to me. They've had an indescribably different upbringing to me & there are days when I think my 18 year old self would not believe how my 50 year old self's life turned out...!

Totally.

I'm one step up in career terms compared to my parents. Just one step. Live in a slightly bigger house. Have slightly more disposable income than I think they had.

I grew up thinking I'd aim for so much more.

It's just a little bit different but ultimately totally the same.

I grew up in a small market town, most of my school friends are still there. Was first in my family to go to Uni. I wanted to work abroad, travel extensively, do interesting things in interesting places. I worked very hard to qualify as a doctor to allow me to do that, met and married DH and, for a few years, we did travel the world, worked in remote African villages, climbed mountains etc.

Then, during a stint in the UK to complete speciality training, my FIL became seriously ill. He and MIL needed a lot of support so we stayed around. He died a couple of years later, and that was the end of our working abroad - we couldn't leave MIL alone (she was and remains very isolated socially due to anxiety and lack of confidence after 40 years of a controlling husband).

We had DS, who is now a teenager, and have continued to have exciting and exotic holidays, but we are very much settled in the UK, mortgage, NHS careers etc.

I do get bored and resentful at times, especially as I have found it harder than DH to find hobbies that work with family life. MIL is a lovely woman, but we are her only people and it is a big responsibility. DS is now settled in a good secondary school, so we definitely won't be going anywhere until he has flown the nest. MIL is a fairly fit 80 year old who could go on well into her 90's, so I can't see how we are going to pick up our travel ambitions before we are old ourselves, but DH insists it will be possible.

Two children, a husband and a nice little house. Two of those things were illegal when I was growing up, so yeah, a bit of a surprise really as it wasn’t an option.

I appreciate the input from those whose path is determined by their own or family members illness/disability. It's a good reminder that I am actually lucky and should both do more within what I can do and be more content.

@ClematisWren I can relate to some of what you say, when I was married where we lived when having children was based on proximity to aging in-laws - who I loved - but still felt resentment. It's a difficult one.

@UnconventionalLife your work sounds amazing. I think i need a new job!!

I hope you are enjoying your conventional life! Very welcome changes.

Yes! Totally.

I thought I would live abroad, yet here I am at 41 having never lived abroad.

I thought I'd be happy living in a city apartment in the cut and thrust of it. Instead we've got a suburban house.

I thought I'd be "better" at my chosen profession than I am. I'm very average at it.

I really wanted kids but I imagined I'd be a much more care free parent - we'd take them to see the whole world. But they have medical issues and it's all much harder on a practical basis than I thought it would be.

Basically yes, I didn't think my life would be so conventional and based around mortgage and 2 kids. But here we are.

I'm not unhappy though. Just a bit surprised.

Yes. Like an earlier poster I gree up thinking I would lead a 'big' life, high flying corporate role or politics. But undiagnosed ADHD led to me.not fulfilling that potential, so have settled into family life with 3 kids and a lovely husband. We are mildly unconventional in our own way, we home educated for a while, have out own business so a bit more flexibility etc, but not as big as I was brought up to expect.

DH would very much like to sell up and set sail, but I think we are a few years off that as the kids are in school now, and I'm too scared.

This is such an interesting thread. I think most people's lives are fairly conventional on a daily basis, even if they don't seem it.

The most unconventional thing about mine is that I ended up living out my childhood boarding school dreams. I grew up abroad, a total Anglophile and obsessed with books about, and the idea of English boarding school. DH ended up becoming a teacher and then housemaster in the boarding sector, and we've raised our DC at two beautiful schools. It's a slightly unusual way of life that I'm still grateful for all the time.

Once I got over my disappointment I wouldn't grow up to be a fairy/go to Hogwarts I didn't really have any 'out there' career ambitions.

Always wanted DC, a nice house and changed my mind about what job I wanted every 5 minutes. Still working on the 'nice house' part but I have a husband and 2 DC (and wouldn't mind one more).

I used to dream about opening a school, "Jo's boys/Little women style" and I was obsessed with a particular boarding school book series! I forgot about that.

I think conventionality is inevitable for most. Need a home, money, children need education.

I used to walk to work in a big government building surrounded by other big government buildings and pondered how we all spent most of our time "administering" life and so little time actually living. But I figured even if we reset we'd inevitable end up back where we are

My life is pretty conventional on one level but it's a very full life. I have 4 kids, 2 dogs and 2 careers that are very different but I love.
I have lots of different groups of friends so go out a lot. Some of them love sport, some are into clubbing, some live music, festivals, theatre so am out 2 or 3 times a week.
I play sports, sing in a soul choir, love gardening. I travelled a lot when younger and am gearing up to go again when kids leave in a about 5 years.
One of my jobs lets me travel around the country and the other is very niche and unusual so meet lots of different types of people.
It is not the unconventional life I lived in my 20s (squatting, travelling etc) and my younger self would eyeroll at me.

@smilesup you sound like you have a lot of energy!

I always knew I wanted to own a house, marry and have kids (or that I was supposed to?!) but I always remember thinking I don't want the 9-5, I want a varied job. I would HATE to have a job that wasn't 9-5 now, I love the predictability of leave and my evenings and weekends. Plus it's when the family are around! So I'm GLAD I'm more conventional than I was intending!

Doesn’t it depend what your idea of ‘conventional’ is, though? I grew up very poor, and what my parental scripts and education prepared me for was to leave school at 15, get a job in a shop, marry young, stop work and raise several children. Instead, I stayed at school, got a scholarship to university, eventually got four degrees, lived in five countries on three continents in a fairly rackety way, and only married and had a child at the very end of my thirties. These days I write for a living, and teach writing at a university and in a prison, and our lives are probably the most ‘conventional’ they’ve ever been, as we’ve settled back in our home town till DS flies the nest, and to be close to ageing parents. But compared to what I was supposed to do with my life, it’s still pretty unconventional.

Thanks @Agesandageshence , I appreciate that. Daft thing is, DH really wasn't close to his parents when we met or for years afterwards - he didn't used to call them for months on end! I couldn't have seen this coming.

I'm trying to think of this as just a stage of life that will pass and we will have more freedom again, but it's almost 20 years since we last lived abroad and I'm starting to feel my age more as menopause and arthritis set in. I worry that, by the time we are able to in terms of family commitments, I won't be fit/well enough to do 'rough and ready' any more.

I do think it's possible to do unconventional holidays - cycle touring, trekking, moving around every few days, just booking flights and deciding what to do when you get there - it feels very freeing when life is reduced to 'where shall we go today?' even on a temporary basis.

Yeah my life is way more stable, financially secure, conventional things, achieving things, than I ever expected. Honestly thought I'd be homeless & useless. I could not imagine me succeeding at 'adulting'.

I'm still wildly eccentric, I just about manage to 'pass' . I loathe monotony too & find ways to avoid it. Some things never change.

I thought I’d be living in L.A or New York or jetting around as a journalist 😂
However, my life isn’t as conventional as it could have been.
I knew from an early age I’d live abroad, sunny places, beaches etc. I wanted to live in many different places and was obsessed with travel. I used to apply for nanny jobs in New York or camp America and found out my mum threw the letter replies away 😧I did college and uni in my home town/city just to get the qualifications, but felt very trapped and unhappy. As soon as I qualified, I got a job as a flight attendant, just so I could travel, but before I was due to start, my boyfriend was offered a job abroad, so off we went and life changed forever.
Have lived abroad for years and travelled lots and lots. Now have a mortgage, dog, Dd and live in the suburbs, so very ordinary..those suburbs are next to the beach though and our friends are from all around the world and v different backgrounds. So it’s not conventional in some ways.
I think 15 year old me would be disappointed I didn’t live in New York, instead of just holidaying there and maybe had a more dynamic career with much more money..but the rest of it, I think she’d be pretty pleased with and surprised at

Yes. I thought I'd be a playwright travelling the globe having love affairs with the actors in my plays.

I'm a married teacher and mum of 2 who lives in a mortgaged semi detached house in the suburbs.

I could not be happier.

The big difference is money I think - if you have access to lots of money, you have so many more choices about how you spend your time and can be as unconventional as you like and take risks without the worry about ending up homeless etc.

The reality is if you want children, they deserve some sort of stability and a secure home, so unless you want to homeschool them you need to stay in one place for a few years while they attend school.
And if you want a home of your own it requires a mortgage which needs a regular wage.

Both of these require living somewhat conventionally. But within that there is lots of scope to have fun hobbies or interests and still be curious about the world.

I am fairly conventional in that I have a house and a good, steady (if badly paid) job. Single with no kids which is kind of what I always expected after a friend said he couldn't imagine me with a significant other when we were in our teens. I have had relationships but not for years now and none were long term. I've also not got any desire to be in one. I have travelled a fair bit, changed career several times and enjoy what I do, but part of me wonders where I'd be if I'd applied for the overseas job in my 20s, or bought a house in X location etc etc. I've moved around a lot, and like others, don't really feel like I have roots anywhere, but I don't mind that. Happy where I am for now but could see myself moving abroad at some point.

Oh god, yes!

I live where I grew up. I'm a carer and do some freelance and voluntary work

Married, 2 dc...nice house etc

17 year old me would be unimpressed 🤣🤣

Yes, living a frustratingly conventional life