Do you live a more conventional life than you envisaged?

[Agesandageshence]

I didn't ever think I would live so conventionally. I didn't think I would be special, famous or achieve great things or anything like that, but thought I'd live a little differently.

Eg, there is a whole world yet I live in one place. Or how we live with such poor work life balance. And a big mortgage.

It's difficult to step away from the norm though and would I really want to? I don't know why/how I thought I would.

Anyone else ever think like this? I don't think I'd say this to people in real life! I imagine eye rolling.

I live a very conventional life, equivalent to the American picket fence dream. Husband, 2 kids (boy and girl), professional job, comfortable house. I feel like I hit the jackpot [touch wood].

Somewhat like Lentilweaver, though iirc she's done more interesting things than I have. Don't regret much. We all know there are compromises in every life!

Got married twice, didn't work for me.
Got pregnant half a dozen times, all failed.
Lived in 5 countries / 2 continents by choice, on my own.
Travelled a lot, mostly solo.
Got a book published.
Had a well-paid career that I loved.
Enjoyed a lively sex life.

Now it's all gone to shit through age, illness, poverty. When I was younger, the direst warning was "You'll end up alone, struggling on a pension in a tiny flat." That's my life now and, tbh, it ain't too bad!

If I still had my health and money I'd still be travelling, learning new skills, making new friends. I'm always learning new stuff now, just in more limited ways. You do what you can with where you're at; what else is there?

I have no roots, either. Partly circumstantial but I've come to realise I'm an explorer, horizon-stretcher by nature. While I feel like I'd love to have the stability of attachment to one place & community, in reality it would suffocate me. Everything's a trade-off.

Never ever thought I would have 4 DC and end up back in my home country being a teacher.

I thought I would either live abroad on a farm or be researching the cure for something

So I presume you are funded by a jackpot, family or inheritance? That does not sound like unemployed lifestyle that is available to most people.

I always thought I'd have a pretty conventional life but we were sick of being skint and the miserable weather so we left the UK 9 years ago and have never looked back m. DH is a teacher / SLT so we've been pretty lucky. Still live a "conventional " life in that I'm now a SAHM. It's hard at times especially having no family around at times , but we enjoy the lifestyle we have.

I thought I'd travel the world and go on huge adventures. Then I got PTSD from something (undiagnosed) and developed a sudden unrelated huge fear of flying.

This is such an interesting question!

I was by all accounts set for a very conventional life. Grew up working class, not a particularly good area, far from big cities, loved school but had poor support from home. I'm early 30's now and most primary school friends have a few kids with someone else from the village, mortgages, car loans, etc.

I got lucky with timings on multiple occasions, and am now in a very senior finance position in Australia. On my way here I've lived in New York, DC, and Hong Kong. Supportive partner in a flexible consulting job, and we have decided to not have kids. Plenty of travel, adventure (sky diving, car racing, skiing, diving, etc). I didn't think I'd ever end up here, and although I've worked hard, I recognise that a lot of it just came down to being fortunate at times. But now I can't imagine any other lifestyle.

Reading through all the replies. @frozendaisy thanks for explaining. I am thinking of learning a language for possible future plans too. I am considering French as I could come and go easily to keep contact with future adult children. So even when I'm daydreaming about retirement there's a big streak of practicality!!

I thought a Bloomsbury Group lifestyle appealed but I'm not as intellectual as I'd like to think (at all) and not artistic. I used to think about communal living preferably with all women. I think I'd like company without expectations of a relationship. As i get older I think a group community could be claustrophobic.

I generally assume I will sell my home to fund travel when DC are older but I love our little house - and DC do too - so perhaps that plan will go too.

I would love to hear more about your experiences @Lentilweaver or @GarlicGrace. Perhaps you have another book in you @GarlicGrace ?!

If 18 year old me knew that I had settled down with a sensible job back in the town I was desperate to leave she'd be horrified. However 18 year old me didn't have a clue, so it's all good.

Far more conventional than teenage me had in mind.

But still pretty unconventional by most people's standards.

My young adult DD's uni friends are all fascinated by how/where she grew up! Which is a nice change from her teenage years when she complained endlessly about it being "sooooo embarrasSING" 🤣

18 year old me would be unimpressed, I'm sure. But actually it's all worked out even if it is much more conventional than planned. I'm trying to add little sparks of curiosity/unconventionality/fun to my married+kids+mortgage base layer.

Never thought I’d have kids, I haven’t. Never thought I’d get married to a man who had kids….I did …and that has largely determined my life, where we live etc.

I travelled a lot in my 20s and early 30s and lived abroad and did some very cool stuff.

I hold on to the fact that I’m secure, financially and emotionally, I don’t have many roots here but it’s home now….and we can go and do some travelling in retirement.

Oh, 17 year old me would be horrified. I grew up in a middle class family of 4 in Surrey, as conventional as it comes. Did 15 years of doing my own thing and now I’m… in a middle class family of 4 in Surrey. No complaints though 😁

Pretty conventional life here too. - Husband, one daughter, one son (still in the womb), suburban house with mortgage and flowers in the garden, unremarkable hobbies, stable unglamorous jobs, comfortable income, maybe one overseas holiday a year and one uk break.

But...It's a popular way of life for a reason. I love it. Wouldn't trade it for anyone else's.

25 year old me would be horrified at 50 year old me. I am far more conventional than I ever thought I'd be. My parents and my younger self had very bohemian leanings. Adult me doesn't!

Well I thought I'd be married to a rock star and living in a loft in NYC...nope!

My 20s were fairly unconventional (compared to most of my old friends / family at least) - I hung out with lots of aspiring artists, writers, musicians etc, met lots of minor celebs, wrote for a living, travelled solo a lot, did lots of drugs, partying and so on...

Now I have a conventional.job, mortgage, husband and child and although I love my life it does sometimes feel a bit staid. I am still surrounded by unconventional and creative people though which is inspiring me to let loose the reins now and again. Eventually dh and I would like to pack it all in, sell the house, buy a van and just travel, so we'll see what life brings.

I'm trying to bring ds up with the knowledge that he doesn't need to follow the crowd, and that happiness comes in many disguises,.

Nope! I had my conventional life pretty much planned out when I was 12 . Decided at that age that I wanted to be an MFL teacher and have been for 28 years. Married, 2 dc. The only thing that might have surprised 20yo me is that I have chosen to live in fairly rural NW England, having spent almost all my life in the SE. I have no desire to be adventurous or bohemian. Sounds chaotic and uncomfortable! Wow I'm boring...

Life not as expected.
Divorced at 37, had sons, 2 , 1 high functioning Asperger’s and both stayed with my ex.
Never met the next right man sadly, had good care jobs, then a retail one.
i planned an early retirement at 62, now 61, Parkinson’s changed that, gave up work health reasons at 59. Told had it prob 6 years.
Difficulty being dexterous and standing up, I get by, get pip and some other monies.
My dad had Parkinson’s mid to late 70s, this has put a big spanner in the works

I thought I was marrying an unconventional guy to live a life of world travel, finally settling in a quiet but buzzing part of France. Where my children would be bilingual (which to me is a dream). I would also be a famous person in France working at the local tv station..

My life much more conventional and less luxurious than I dreamed it would be..mostly it’s wonderful though!

The opposite: I was born in a really small, conservative town abroad and everyone expected me to toe the line, become a teacher, stay close to home, marry and have a family.

I am 52 now: I never married or had kids, left my home country to leave in the USA then the UK (London) where I had some very unusual jobs in the arts and charity sector, became a painter, realised I was queer...the list is endless really :).

Not an easy life though I must say but definitely not the one that people expected me to have.

Much more conventional than I imagined. I pictured a high flying academic/scientific career and a cool musician husband 🤣

Instead I've got a lovely but deeply uncool husband and a very low flying (but interesting and flexible) academic career. I'm very happy and can see how lucky I've been.

I think I always wanted a conventional lifestyle - marriage, kids, stable job - and that's exactly what I've got. And I'm happy with that! Although DH loves to travel to interesting places, so I have been to more unusual destinations than I might have expected.

I always imagined I'd be a career woman but wanted a family too. I had this image of myself in a senior position living the big corporation lifestyle with perks and social events. I had the ability academically but not really the personality and it took me a while to realise this. I'm not that assertive, would hate being anyone's boss and always had low energy so could never have filled that type of roll. There is a part of me disappointed but I accept it now

This is pretty much me (apart from wanting the family) and being basically too lazy to go for that sort of lifestyle. Could have done more, could have earned more but there you go.

Very similar to a previous poster,

Never wanted kids. Wanted the big career in finance. Became a qualified accountant when I was young. Wanted to see the world! Accountancy was WAY too boring for me

I'm 41, 3 boys. And a paediatric nurse
But I love my job, and after an awful marriage which I left 9 years ago. The boys are older, I'm getting married next year to my DP. We are booking holidays all over the place, even went to vegas this year! So I'm getting to travel. All be it later on in life

I envisaged a retirement of travel free from the worries of mortgages etc.
Unfortunately my partner developed MS and we now have a very restricted life.
I am a carer but keep my job alive, self employed, as I don't want to be known solely as XXX's carer.