Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Saddened by this

107 replies

Shocked193731 · 08/09/2023 21:29

My friend who is 8 months pregnant had to get the train somewhere earlier this week. She walked down the whole aisle, obviously very visibly heavily pregnant, and not one person offered her a seat. After then standing around, eventually somebody - who was sitting on a window seat (!!!) - gave it up to her.

Visibly pregnant, in this very hot weather, and she said that everybody just chose to ignore her. Not only does this make me sad but also really angry.

Please, if you can and you see a pregnant woman struggling, give your seat to her without hesitation.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 08/09/2023 21:33

Yup, we've gone a long way from basic consideration of others

The whys and wherefores might be complicated but it's sad nevertheless.

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:33

Out of interest only, had the other people reserved their seats ?

Original poster
Shocked193731 · 08/09/2023 21:34

@DustyLee123 nope, no seat reservations on the whole train.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Ivegotsunshineinabag · 08/09/2023 21:37

What does ‘visibly struggling’ look like?

Fat person sweating? I’ve had three pregnancy’s, one with twins during a heatwave, and never managed ‘visibly struggling’?

If you can tell me I’ll be sure to look out for it.

Pleasenowthatsenough · 08/09/2023 21:37

Yep all too common - I use to often give my seat to a pregnant passenger that got on the same train but not once did anybody else offer and I would actually watch people trying not to look at her in case they caught her eye.

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

INeedAnotherName · 08/09/2023 21:41

Did she ask anyone?

Normally I would say she shouldn't have to ask but after being on this site a while apparently you can get your head ripped off if you offer seats or open doors anymore. It's deemed insulting.

jugggugg · 08/09/2023 21:43

What does ‘visibly struggling’ look like?

In my head it's someone who looks like they are struggling. Could be due to pram, big bags, pregnancy, old age, disability, accident. Only today I noticed a lady on my street who seem distressed, she was lost & a little confused.
Odd you have never seen anyone struggling.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:43

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

Aw me too! My dad does this for me still, and so does DP.

Viviennemary · 08/09/2023 21:43

I wouldn't have travelled in her position. I don't think it's realistic to expect people to give up their seat. They might well have a disability themselves.

FussyPud · 08/09/2023 21:43

I don’t waste train time looking at other passengers. I’ve usually got a book to read. Would absolutely move for somebody who needed the seat, but may not notice because life is too short not to use the hour for a few more chapters. :)

jugggugg · 08/09/2023 21:44

I wouldn't have travelled in her position.

🙄

CheezePleeze · 08/09/2023 21:44

She needs to use her words.

There will be people who have offered their seats to 'visibly pregnant' women in the past, only to find they're not pregnant at all.

thistimelastweek · 08/09/2023 21:46

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

But it's not sad that I walk on the outside to protect my toddler grandchild.

There's room for subjectivity here.

It's not one size fits all. We're all capable of basic kindness if we are open to the idea of kindness (as opposed to who paid for the seat).

sadaboutmycat · 08/09/2023 21:46

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

Why?

CheezePleeze · 08/09/2023 21:47

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

That was always a strange one and I'm glad it doesn't happen anymore.

It's a bit difficult to take women in business seriously or at all really, if they're supposed to feel 'protected' by a man walking nearer to the road.

Whattheflipflap · 08/09/2023 21:48

Shocked193731 · 08/09/2023 21:29

My friend who is 8 months pregnant had to get the train somewhere earlier this week. She walked down the whole aisle, obviously very visibly heavily pregnant, and not one person offered her a seat. After then standing around, eventually somebody - who was sitting on a window seat (!!!) - gave it up to her.

Visibly pregnant, in this very hot weather, and she said that everybody just chose to ignore her. Not only does this make me sad but also really angry.

Please, if you can and you see a pregnant woman struggling, give your seat to her without hesitation.

Unfortunately after my harrowing birth injury nearly ending in fealty I can’t stand on the train
i know I felt much fitter in PG than now though

TyrannasaurusJex · 08/09/2023 21:48

I once got on a full train (seat reservations broken) on crutches with my leg in a cast and no one offered me their seat. I stood at the end of the carriage and tried not to cry for half an hour until the ticket inspector came along, gave everyone a bollocking and then took me to first class 😀 worked out in the end but made me really sad about humanity (which I'm normally very positive about).

Soubriquet · 08/09/2023 21:49

DustyLee123 · 08/09/2023 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

My husband always walks on my left because I’m completely deaf in my right ear. I only have 30% hearing in my left but I have some hearing. So he’s always on my left and therefore not on the outside of the pavement

Thighdentitycrisis · 08/09/2023 21:50

I can’t remember, but do trains have seats marked as prioritised for passengers with extra needs, as on tubes and buses?

I know there is a space for wheelchair user near the door

Araminta34 · 08/09/2023 21:50

Viviennemary · 08/09/2023 21:43

I wouldn't have travelled in her position. I don't think it's realistic to expect people to give up their seat. They might well have a disability themselves.

What, every person in the whole carriage had a 'hidden disability?'
People are becoming more inconsiderate and selfish. Of course a pregnant woman should be offered a seat, whether she's visibly struggling or not. You're right, OP, it's sad.

ArcaneWireless · 08/09/2023 21:51

My belly can swell to a decent size.

I often get offered a seat - despite being mid fifties and quite possibly visibly struggling not to look my age.

I do turn them down nicely.

As an aside, the majority of men 40 and above here will do the pavement shuffle to get on the road side. I do appreciate it.

Sidebeforeself · 08/09/2023 21:51

You are massively generalising here though . You don’t know whether people noticed her, noticed she was struggling etc. Other people will have needed a seat too ( admittedly not everyone). But also she’s an adult .. she could ask people. You make her sound like a feeble person and everyone else is selfish .. it’s never that simple. I’d always offer but I might not always notice .. does that make me a bad person?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 08/09/2023 21:55

I've just had 2 DC very close together. Was very heavily pregnant all summer and chose not to travel much on public transport for this reason. Not every disability you can see, so you can't expect anyone to offer their seat when you have no clue. I simply got a taxi for comfort or asked DP or family members.

jugggugg · 08/09/2023 21:59

Was very heavily pregnant all summer and chose not to travel much on public transport for this reason. Not every disability you can see, so you can't expect anyone to offer their seat when you have no clue. I simply got a taxi for comfort or asked DP or family members.

You're aware that most people don't get their partner or dad to drive them to work, friends etc or take a cab? A cab to my job would cost £55 a day & my DH has a job...