Saddened by this

[Shocked193731]

My friend who is 8 months pregnant had to get the train somewhere earlier this week. She walked down the whole aisle, obviously very visibly heavily pregnant, and not one person offered her a seat. After then standing around, eventually somebody - who was sitting on a window seat (!!!) - gave it up to her.

Visibly pregnant, in this very hot weather, and she said that everybody just chose to ignore her. Not only does this make me sad but also really angry.

Please, if you can and you see a pregnant woman struggling, give your seat to her without hesitation.

My now husband insisted on doing this on our first date, I wasn't even aware it was a thing, he still does it to this day

Equal rights? Equal opportunity? Only when it suits ?

That is sad. I do think someone should have offered her a seat.
Just for balance, I was on the tube in the summer with 12 year old DS who was on the tube for the first time. DS was in a bit of distress but he was holding it together really well, he has autism and the noise was too much for him. We were standing and a kind man caught my eye said DS could have his seat as he was getting off at the next stop. There are still some very lovely people around.

I would, and do, give up my seat when I see someone who looks like they might need it, pregnant or otherwise.

But I do think people get on, sit down, and are then engrossed in their phones in a way they’re not so much with books.

Yes, there will be some people who pointedly don’t notice, but there will be others who genuinely don’t.

I’m surprised feminism is being blamed for this though, that’s funny. To some people of course, feminism is to blame for all the ills in this world - certainly if men behave badly it’s feminism’s fault.

People are no longer kind and good manners have gone out the window.

@DustyLee123 · Today 21:38

Call me old fashioned, but I find it sad that men don’t walk on the outside of the pavement etc anymore.

My mother likes me to do this and I'm happy to oblige but I think in this world of equality chivalry amd gentlemanly manners are not expected or wanted by the modern female.
It's sad that common courtesy had died with this too.

My DH does!
As for getting a seat when needed, I used to just ask. Or I’d say I felt sick and people would soon leap out of their seat.

I'm guessing this was down south and not up north?

Last year when 8 months pregnant I had to catch a very busy train and the only person who offered me their seat was a very elderly women with a walker. I ended up sat on the floor while lots of men looked sheepishly in every direction but mine.
The whole feminism argument is beyond ridiculous. How does that explain older people of both sexes and people of both sexes with visible disabilities not being offered seats? It’s simply a lack of courtesy and consideration that seems to be prevalent in society these days

I prefer to live in a world where men and women show manners and courtesy to men and women.

So I would expect a man to hold the door for me, but I would likewise hold it for the woman behind me.

I don’t think a man walking on the outside of the pavement is even vaguely necessary in this day and age, when most of the time women are unchaperoned and walking alone any how.

How is having a man there to catch the mud spray from the horse and cart, or be the knight in shining armour to my damsel in distress when a cad appear any use, unless he accompanies me literally all the time?

She certainly could have asked but I don’t see why she should have to?

You used to be able to get pregnancy badges from the station staff, the idea was that way people knew you were pregnant and would offer a seat.

I have a vague memory that the badge would entitle you to seat in first if standard was full... could be wrong.

I had this my entire pregnancy travelling to work. Even at 8 months in, during my final week when I was humongous, nobody offered a seat. I didn't feel comfortable asking anybody to move because I didn't know if they had a disability or difficulty standing, but thought if somebody didn't have issues with standing, they'd kindly offer, but nobody did.

I can see how she'd be visibly struggling. The train I use is a commuter train with no reservations and is jittery. As the brakes are applied, you're thrown forwards and when there was no space near a pole to hold to steady myself, I felt really quite vulnerable being thrown around with no way of steadying myself.

I like the “Baby on board” pins for the Tube. You don’t have to look surreptitiously and double check if you’re about to make a gaffe.

And I agree with PP. As a 50+ woman being offered a seat is…embarrassing rather than flattering.

@Soubriquet - sorry, I can't quote a quoted post on the app so m coping below what you said.

My husband always walks on my left because I’m completely deaf in my right ear. I only have 30% hearing in my left but I have some hearing. So he’s always on my left and therefore not on the outside of the pavement

Surely this just depends on which side of the road you're on? If you cross over and continue to walk in the same direction with him on your left, he'd then be on the outside of the pavement?

I never knew this was a 'thing'!!!!
And I’ve just now realised my DH does it all the time - I'm rather pleased.

OP, I agree with you. Visibly Pregnant women should always be offered a seat. I remember when this happened even if other seats would be free, out of courtesy and care.

I remember that too well. One time in particular I ended up getting so mad that I turfed someone out of the priority seat, very huffily!

No, she shouldn’t have been put in a position where her only option was to ask for a seat.

sorry OP,(have been pregnant twice and commuted late stage on busy* routes) but its absolutely everyones responsibility to look after themselves. Your friend should have ASKED for a seat and 100% someone would have given it to her. i think she *was a martyr on this occasion and needs to develop a backbone.

I remember when I was in this position seeing people see me get on the train and then closing their eyes pretending they were asleep.

I would go up to the seats for pregnant/disabled and simply ask to sit down and anyone who sits in that seat has to realise it’s a possibility if they are not themselves pregnant/disabled they need to get up.

Tell her to be more vocal next time

🙄

It’s about growing another human and carrying that weight around stuck to your front. People who are able should offer their seat. It’s that easy.

And so failing to shield you from shitspray of a passing horse-drawn carriage?

Yes, equal rights and opportunities doesn't mean that people who find it more difficult to stand should be made to do so.
We can live in an equal and fair society and still help those who need it.
If you have never been pregnant you might not realise that it can be painful, uncomfortable and puts a huge strain on your back. Only a knob would think that a pregnant woman has to stand on a train because.. feminism.
If I saw a man who was finding it difficult to stand, maybe because of infirmity or injury, I would offer them my seat. It has nothing to do with equality or feminism, just compassion for others.

We really have hit a new low with the cheap excuses for not offering this pregnant lady a seat.
What a selfish, uncaring and self indulgent attitude some people have.
Some people should be disgusted with their reasoning for NOT offering a seat.
OP a your friend is absolutely right, so many times I’ve seen this happen. Suddenly people start looking out the window, dig their heads in the Metro or pretend not to notice.
Good manners and consideration cost nothing, I am in the minority I always give up my seat to someone who I believe needs it more than me.
It’s called being a decent human being.