Saddened by this

[Shocked193731]

My friend who is 8 months pregnant had to get the train somewhere earlier this week. She walked down the whole aisle, obviously very visibly heavily pregnant, and not one person offered her a seat. After then standing around, eventually somebody - who was sitting on a window seat (!!!) - gave it up to her.

Visibly pregnant, in this very hot weather, and she said that everybody just chose to ignore her. Not only does this make me sad but also really angry.

Please, if you can and you see a pregnant woman struggling, give your seat to her without hesitation.

When I was 21, I fainted on a busy commuter train, right down the aisle, and nobody batted an eyelid. I came round on the floor of the train and sheepishly got to my feet. Not one person asked if I was ok. So as awful as it is, I’m not surprised by your poor friend’s experience. A lot of people are just self absorbed shits.

I wouldn't have been able to ask, I said this before on a thread about seat reservations and got my arse handed to me for refusing to explain why. I realise this is a different situation as it's about a pregnant woman but the same thing still applies. People say 'she could have asked' as if it's that simple. Sometimes it's not.

That said if I was sitting on a train I wouldn't be looking at everyone passing up and down the aisles so unlikely to notice a heavily pregnant woman.

Once I'm on a train in not looking at who passes by at all. I tune out completely, staring out of the window, reading a book, or looking at my phone. I've almost certainly ignored people like your friend. I just don't see them.

I'm the opposite, I would rather people of either sex tried to keep left. (Also how does giving way work if there are two abreast approaching each other and the men are supposed to keep to the outside?)

Absolutely that. Why on earth didn't she ask someone?
I thought that we women were supposed to be strong and direct these days. I don't expect people to read my mind. I ask.

Haha only on Mumsnet (actually also Reddit and the Daily Mail...) could you have people defending this. Its appalling OP. The onus is 100% on the people sitting to offer their seat. I see some people on here were dragged up but that doesn't change basic etiquette and decency.

That said, when I was pregnant people couldn't do enough. They were great and I was always quickly offered a seat. It's still absolutely the expectation.

I don't take the train, only rarely. The trains in my area have seats for people who are disabled or otherwise in need. If someone asks and you aren't disabled or in need, you are required to stand up and give them the seat. If I saw a pregnant woman get on I would expect her to go to one of these seats, if she wanted to sit down. That's what they are there for. Only if those seats were all full with people who needed them would I expect someone else to give up their seat, and they may need to be asked. When I did take public transport, I was usually zoned out in my own world, so wouldn't notice people getting on and off and who they were.

It is a really strange one. I wouldn't even notice if a man did this because it's not a thing that I'm aware of and look for. I always that stopped decades ago.

How is having a man there to catch the mud spray from the horse and cart.
Nothing to do with the spray. It was because the women had these long full dresses which could easily be caught in the carriage wheel spokes and they would get dragged to their death. Nothing quite beats going courting with that special woman only to see her managled to death. It's also why women go into that position if they have children with them. It was to protect the more vulnerable (whether it was caused by age or male imposed fashion).

On my commute I am deep in a book or podcast, or talking to a friend if we're on the same train. No I don't look round the carriage each time the train stops to see if any pregnant or disabled passengers got on. To be honest, staring round at everyone else would be seen as a bit socially odd, people instinctively give each other a bit of privacy.

Meaning?

You're old fashioned.
There's absolutely no reason for a man to walk in the outside to 'protect' a female (from what?)
It's outdated and assumes women to be lesser beings that somehow need protecting by a man.

Goodness knows how I, as a single person, manage to survive walking along the pavement without a man to protect me from...whatever it is.

Like are you being serious or sarcastic? I can't tell lol

But the same question applies?

We don’t wear long skirts anymore, and the risk of them getting caught in the carriage wheels has been minimal-to-zero for the last (give or take) 100 years.

There isn’t a man alive who’s taken his lady out courting and witnessed her death in this manner, that he should automatically feel the need to dash to the outside of the pavement.

Besides - women do actually go out unchaperoned these days, which means they have to take their chances solo with the outside of the pavement.

To my mind - we should all (women and men) show courtesy to everyone (women and men).

On my commute I am deep in a book or podcast, or talking to a friend if we're on the same train. No I don't look round the carriage each time the train stops to see if any pregnant or disabled passengers got on. To be honest, staring round at everyone else would be seen as a bit socially odd, people instinctively give each other a bit of privacy.

Lol, looking up & being aware of moving passengers every time a train stops is completely normal & takes seconds. It's not socially odd! you not doing it is fine but as I said not invading privacy if you do do it. II love how some twist themselves in knots to talk crap 😆

🙄

Another helpful contribution @ALongHardWinter😆

Of course I would offer my seat, as would my DH or DS. In fact they would offer their seat to any woman (or older man) BUT so many women (there's one on this thread already) don't like to be offered a seat that you can almost understand why some people don't like to risk being offended by trying to do the right thing.

I distinctly remember a woman refusing a seat when my 14 year old DS stood up for her, I actually said to her 'please accept the seat otherwise he may not offer in future'. equally my very elderly (late80s) tried to refuse a seat when someone stood up for her, I had to shout at her to take it and sit down .

Incidentally as a mid 60s grey haired woman I was delighted to be offers a seat on a London bus by a young man recently.

Anyone with any decency offers their seat if someone clearly needs it far more than they do. It's just the right thing to do

When I take a train I am buried in a book. I don’t even glance up at my fellow passengers. I’d not have noticed. She should have simply asked. Or reserved a seat? Being pregnant doesn’t mean your incompetent and can’t speak or book tickets does it?!

When I was very pregnant 18 years ago the only people that ever offered help were women. I'm in France so not unique to the UK and not a very new phenomenon sadly.

I got on a busy train with my lovely elderly dad a couple of years ago. We sat down and a stop later, a pregnant woman got on.
My dad being the gentleman he is, immediately stood and offered her his seat.
She verbally tore his head off!!
Which made me want to physically take her head off!
I told my upset dad to never, ever offer his seat again, pregnant or not.

No need to be surprised. This poster always pops up with daft opinions on threads.

That’s awful @NoSaladThanks

I think, increasingly, people just want to keep themselves to themselves these days - in the same way people would be loathe to step in if someone was being violent.

People don’t want to bring drama on themselves, and because there are so many fruitloops out there, and their reaction can’t be predicted, it’s easier just to opt out.

It’s sad, but it’s understandable.

That being said, I will continue to offer my seat to people who look like they need it.

But as I get older, I’d definitely be less inclined to do so, for exactly the scenario @NoSaladThanks describes.

Sorry, I've skipped a lot of posts but I wanted to add... I think the pp who said people are wary of offering help us on the right track. Very sadly there is a culture of people being easily offended if you assume anything about them. I've seen a few bite backs from people who have been offered help who apparently 'don't need your f**g help'. I also saw a man immediately offer his seat to a heavily pregnant lady who was with friends. She then said to the other three people who were sitting in the same booth, "well I've got three friends with me so if they just gonna sit there ignoring us so they don't have to move, then I won't bother!" One of those passengers sat in the booth was also a heavily pregnant lady who already had her 2yo on her lap. They then proceeded to sit on the carriage floor by the toilets, filming and calling the whole carriage selfish wankers. No idea if the other three were pregnant too.
I think I would still offer though.