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Original poster

Does anyone enjoy having teenagers? Prefer it to having little kids?

237 replies

Fishandchipsatthebeach · 07/09/2023 11:39

All I hear is negativity and how it gets harder once they are teens.

I’m a mum to a 5 year old.

Does anyone actually prefer having teens to little kids?!

OP posts:
Nonplusultra · 07/09/2023 13:53

I miss my little people. But I’m enjoying the conversations with my teens - they’re really very interesting people.

I’m also fascinated watching them develop and change. I feel like the same person I was at 13 until I’m talking to my 13 year old and recognise thought patterns I’ve long since grown out of!

It’s fabulous having an extra few strong bodies around, or being able to stay in bed ill instead of staggering around taking care of everyone.

Their farts stink worse than nappies ever did which I think is nature’s way of preparing me for their departure.

I wish I could have had about four dc or so and enjoyed the different ages and stages a bit longer. But I barely have capacity for two in reality.

WhatWouldMrMannersSay · 07/09/2023 13:54

Aw this is nice to read.

Mine are little and as much as I love the bones of them, I really hate parenting just now and feel I am lost, I've no real identity, free time, hobbies etc. Any outing has to be planned miles in advance and childcare arranged. The endless demands on me are leaving me ruined!

Maybe it will be different when they are older, I dread it at the moment but perhaps it won't be as bad as I fear.

DelilahBucket · 07/09/2023 13:55

DS15 has largely been a breeze from day dot, so I wouldn't say I prefer this age, but it has a lot of advantages and we have a wonderful relationship. He's fab company, can be left to his own devices so we get our lives back, he can cook, clean and help around the house competently, he's funny and articulate and watching the adult he is becoming makes me so proud.
He still costs a fortune but that's just a swap from childcare to food and taxi services and hobbies plus the cost of adult clothing/shoes!

Interested in this thread?

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5 year olds Families
skgnome · 07/09/2023 13:58

My teen is pretty easy and I honestly admire the person she’s becoming
yes she has her moments
but there are lots of good things, we can do things together that are also interesting for me, we can have proper conversations, I can go to the gym (or whatever) for an hour without having to make sure my OH is around (or finding childcare)
I can even have small dates with DH without needing a babysitter
and she’s still young enough that at night I do get a cuddle (not as affectionate as a toddler cuddle, though) but hey, a cuddle (even a quick one) is a cuddle

SpaceRaiders · 07/09/2023 13:59

I’m dreading the teen years…My 12 year old is wonderful company and very funny with a brilliant sense of humour, the jokes are usually at my expense! We occasionally grump at each other, but always apologise and make up. I’m hoping it stays that way!

RoachFish · 07/09/2023 14:02

Love the teenage stage. My oldest is 20 now and my youngest about to turn 19. These last few years have been the best ones so far. We have laughed so much, we like the same kind of movies, we go out shopping together, have cocktails, dinners. They also have brilliant friends and I love it when they come over and the home feels full.

Waspie · 07/09/2023 14:03

Me! My son has got more interesting and more fantastic the older he gets. He's fifteen now and I enjoy his company so much. He's intelligent and funny and articulate and I am so pleased to see how much he has developed and grown as a person over the years.

Yes, he's frustrating and self-absorbed and "teenage" at times - and, as others have said - costs a fortune to feed - but nobody is perfect Smile

I (obviously) thought he was wonderful at 5 years old but he's 100% more wonderful now that he's 15.

incognito50me · 07/09/2023 14:21

I am one of the people who has complained about my teen on these boards.

However, I much prefer having a teen to a toddler or a small child. You can talk to them, they are less dependent, it's a more equal relationship. It is emotionally more demanding, but definitely physically easier.
In general, so far the best stage for me has been late childhood, then teen, then early childhood, then toddler, then babyhood. She was a high needs baby, has always been temperamental but nothing like that first year.

DivingForLove · 07/09/2023 14:24

We’re right in the thick of the teen stage at the moment and loving it! Yes they have their grumpy moments but they’re generally adorable!

Branster · 07/09/2023 14:28

Blanketsburg · 07/09/2023 12:02

At the risk of sounding saccharine, I loved all the stages, including teens. All joyful in various ways. All had challenges too, but vastly outweighed by the good parts.

DH said a few years ago that it sounded silly to say, but he hadn't anticipated just how much he would like the kids as people. Like, obviously you love them, but he hadn't considered that they would be so fun and interesting to talk to and hang out with. I'm probably not wording that very well! But I know what he meant.

I completely understand what you mean and I agree.

I love all the stages, all different but entertaining and interesting.

Only slight surprise is how veeeery expensive these kids are as they get older. A lot more expensive than I imagined before having them. But I don't begrudge it.

WingedHermes · 07/09/2023 14:30

Nope. Definitely enjoyed the younger stages far more.

ManchesterLu · 07/09/2023 14:32

Just depends what your teens are like. I was an easy teen and grew up best friends with my mum, did well at school, helped round the house etc. My stepson on the other hand is the complete opposite. Nightmare to get him to school, wouldn't do work at home, didn't do anything round the house, was foul and abusive which was made worse when he started smoking weed at uni - he dropped out but kept the weed habit.

BigPussyEnergy · 07/09/2023 14:35

There are pluses and minuses to both - I love having teens/young adults as they’ve all grown into very interesting and funny people, the kind I’d choose to be friends with if we weren’t already related!

I do miss the cute little stage but it’s so nice being able to enjoy their company without expectation of anything more than the odd meal here and there!

They make me cups of tea, help with DIY, washing my car and making dinner, they’re self sufficient but still like sitting with me to watch TV shows and films together, so we get to enjoy proper entertainment rather than sitting through endless kids TV.

I’m a single mum so have been pretty much here 24/7 for them for years (working at home). Now they’re all older I can go to the pub with friends and go on dates etc without needing to think about it. I’ve been on lovely day trips with them each individually this summer. I love this stage!

hennybeans · 07/09/2023 14:39

I found that tween stage a bit tricky, 11-13. They are getting to grips with hygiene and that can be a battle, the hormones are new and they can be emotional and angry.

But my 14 and 16 have come through that now and are a joy to be around. Like new parents think their baby is the most beautiful, perfect creature, I think my teens are the most witty and best kids to hang out with. I really do love their company 99% off the time. And it’s so exciting to see their lives progress and who they will become. Ds started college yesterday and dh and I couldn’t wait for him to get home and tell us what he had done.

CheshireCat1 · 07/09/2023 14:40

It’s great spending time with teens, it opens your eyes to new experiences, it’s great to see the world through different eyes.

looking4pup · 07/09/2023 14:42

Hated the baby toddlers and primary age.

Pre teens are mouthy. They think they are clever and know everything.

Late nights, physical fighting, swearing, asking for money.

Why did I have kids 😂😂

HamBone · 07/09/2023 14:57

Like PP’s, I miss cuddling tiny children, but overall, teenagers are fun and so interesting. DS (14), for example, was reading in bed last night and called me in to share what he was reading and say that he agreed with the concepts and that he thought that the book was well-written. That’s proper adult conversation! I do tend to glaze over when he talks about sport, but luckily DH is more interested.

DD(18) is equally interesting, although now she’s started university, we’re only graced with the odd text and phone call when she can make time for us. 🤣

HamBone · 07/09/2023 14:58

Teenagers are eye watering expensive though and I recommend encouraging them to get summer/Saturday jobs to help fund their fashion choices.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 07/09/2023 15:02

Love having teens and will miss them when they fly the nest. I think that the pp who said about control is right. It is really important to be able to loosen the apron strings enough and at the right time. Also making sure that you are clearly there for them rather than expecting them to fit in with you. Or equally being happy to leave them to do their own thing while you go off and do your own thing. Probably easier if you have children of a similar age/ stage.

Probably a little similar to when you drop them at school in reception. You need to trust them and those around you to get on and do the school stuff while you go off and have coffee/ work etc. It doesn't help them or you to hark back to the tiny years. Enjoy each stage as it comes along.

HamBone · 07/09/2023 15:11

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor I agree, you have to let them fly when they’re ready. DH has been fretting about the limited communication from DD since she left for uni (they start in August here in the US), but I keep telling him that it’s a good sign, she’s busy and has made friends.

Plus the bathroom is much tidier without her lotions/makeup/hair products, she wasn’t great at putting everything away. 😂

AuntieMarys · 07/09/2023 15:12

Much preferred teenagers. Found babies/ toddlers/ ks1/2 much harder

Beezknees · 07/09/2023 15:15

I much prefer having a teen. But I've been lucky - DS has had no problems. No bullying, good group of friends with no drama or fallouts, his mental health is fine, he is doing well at school, he's not interested in going to parties and doesn't drink (that I know of). The worst I have to do is nag him to tidy up his room.

I had a difficult childhood and was pregnant at 17 so I'm eternally grateful that DS doesn't appear to be going the same way.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 07/09/2023 15:21

Oh yes. Mine are 15, 18 and 21, but were lovely from about 14 onwards. They are so much fun. Also scary. Giving them their independence is terrifying at times. Taking them for driving practice was bad. The 2am call from one of their friends on your child's phone saying "we're in A&E". Waving them off with a backpack at the airport. Bloody hell. But the absolute pride in them when they navigate it all, tell you everything they've done like they personally discovered the world, and bring you back a fridge magnet 😆

felisha54 · 07/09/2023 15:21

Mine is almost a teen (12) and I love it. It is harder emotionally in many ways. I worry a lot about friendships, school work, going out independently, travelling on public transport. Then there's the ferrying around to multiple clubs and sports. It gets more competitive as they get older so harder to say I can't be arsed taking you to football this week.

Coffeeandtv83 · 07/09/2023 15:26

Thank you for this thread and the responses. I have a 5 and 7 year old. I found the toddler years really tough and found that people were falling over themselves to say ‘you think that’s hard, wait til they’re teens!’ Pretty disheartening! While I’ve no doubt the teen years will bring lots of challenges, this thread is reassuring.