Does anyone enjoy having teenagers? Prefer it to having little kids?

[Fishandchipsatthebeach]

All I hear is negativity and how it gets harder once they are teens.

I’m a mum to a 5 year old.

Does anyone actually prefer having teens to little kids?!

Amen to that ugetc. Autistic here, and had a horrible time as a teenager- partly because my parents couldn't cope with me not being a cute kid any more and actually developing my own personality. DS2 is on the waiting list for an assessment- DS1 NT (ish). I think it is easier nowadays- DN is also Autistic and given loads of support in pursuing her specialist interests. I look forward to DS2 becoming a teen- I think it will be easier to relate to him, and I'll be a better parent to him.

I hope those posts aren’t aimed at me that I can’t cope that my daughter isn’t a cute kid anymore? Erm nope! Her challenges have remained the same but she is now older and stronger and faster and managing her on my own has become impossible as a single parent nothing to do with her not being a cute little kid anymore ffs

bananaslug why do you think that a post I wrote specifically referencing MY PARENTS has anything at all to do with you? 🙄

Also, are you ND? Because I was replying to a PP.

Yeah sure you are. Try having a 12 year old attack you then try having a 5 year old, I would take the 5 year old, Try having a 5 year old run off and then Try having a 12 year old run off, I know which one I would catch, try have a 5 year old have a melt down in the shop then try having a 12 year old have a melt down in the shop, I know which one gets sympathetic looks and which one gets abuse directed at you. For someone that’s ND you have no clue what it’s like to have a severely autistic child with challenging behaviour, nothing to do with them not being a cute little kid anymore 🙄

Me! Me! Me! Okay, they’re ungrateful, distant and some of them are insolent but on the plus side, you don’t have to keep your eye on them every second of the day! They live their own lives. They won’t fall into a pond and drown. They might even do their own cooking. When mine were babies people said “this is nothing - it only gets harder”. I didn’t believe them even then. Having babies is exhausting. After sleepless days of agony giving birth, you don’t get to sleep or relax properly for a matter of years. And you are needed CONSTANTLY. Ok, yes, they’re cute. But also volatile. Anyway, the difference with teenagers, as I see it, is that your problems are basically how to handle relationships. That’s small fry, compared to basically being a sole life support for another human. I can give two tips. Firstly, mentally log some cute moments and cuddly times to look back on in future times when your children despise you much of the time (although you may be lucky - one of my three is still cuddly). Secondly, fill your children up with love and attention now, as much as you can give them, while they are building their self-image. Then they will have high self-esteem and know they are worthwhile people. This dramatically increases the chances of them flourishing and being essentially fine and easy once they get to be teenagers. Even if you do irritate each other (although I had that problem with one of mine from day one). Also, as others have said, teenagers are fun (sometimes)! Anyway, the alternative is NOT growing up, so I wouldn’t worry about it. Also on the plus side, everyone in the family enjoys lie-ins now. Another tip: when they do get to be teenagers (and before that actually) don’t let their bad behaviour and anger make YOU angry. Just calmly model good behaviour and point out which of their behaviour is not acceptable. I have realised I wasted a lot of tIme trying to win arguments and not only does an angry atmosphere help nobody, but with a certain type of child (one of mine) you are never going to win, even though secretly inside they are taking things on board. Enjoy!

Teens: think they know everything, refuse to be suggested otherwise, expect the pieces to be picked up when otherwise happens.

As seldom-centred as a toddler but with the expectations to match their ages.

Add in laziness and entitlement. Roll on the 20s. Please. 2 girls 17 and 18.

My daughter is 14 today. Currently I have 3 teenagers playing music, blowing up air beds and laughing their socks off in my front room. It’s brilliant! My eldest DD 21 also lives at home and I love her being here. I have surprised myself because I have loved every stage but it’s like living with my 2 best mates. Bit moody sometimes, loud and chaotic but it’s wonderful. I do miss the baby years but they still cuddle up on the sofa with me and they are so freaking funny! I didn’t expect this part of my life to be so happy! I am a teacher though and have always enjoyed the batty company of kids this age!

Also, mine are both ND but I’ve yet to meet a straightforward teenager. Openess and honesty, including them and being myself around them has helped. As a frazzled lone parent who works full time I rarely get it right but I admit my own failures and try to listen without judging. God I sound perfect; I’m really not but I struck lucky with my nutters!!!

Yes, it’s REALLY hard to gauge how much control to relinquish and when. I realised when they turned 18 that they were officially adults and, as they already knew all my opinions on what they should or should not be doing, regardless of whether they agreed with them or not, I could stop reminding them about them. I let go . It felt amazing!

I was thinking about this thread again today.

Of the teenagers I've known well (through my own children), many have had problems: friendship issues; bullying/online abuse; drinking too much; drugs; inadvisable sex; heartbreak; self-harm; severe eating disorders involving hospitalisation; suicide attempts; accidental cocaine overdoses; depression; anxiety; gender confusion.

But I also know of others who sailed through the teenage years with no more than a bit of worrying about "getting the grades".

These are all bright, sparky young people with engaged, intelligent, middle-class parents who have done their absolute best to try to be good parents.

The teenage years often seem to me to be pot luck. But the teenage problems, if they arise, are a hell of a lot more difficult and heartbreaking than managing a toddler who wants the blue cup rather than the red one.

And that's not taking ND into account (which I have had to do).

I do. They are much more fun, you can have really interesting conversations with them & they don't throw tantrums! Teenage years for me were a walk in the park compared to the baby/toddler/infant school years.

Nope because my teens (especially the girls) were a whole new level of complex.

I have absolutely detested the teen years. I also worked with teens for 14 years and that was challenging but mostly enjoyable because they weren’t my own!

Small kids are physically hard work but mentally not so - they are cute and cuddly and in awe of the World around them …