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Original poster

Does anyone enjoy having teenagers? Prefer it to having little kids?

237 replies

Fishandchipsatthebeach · 07/09/2023 11:39

All I hear is negativity and how it gets harder once they are teens.

I’m a mum to a 5 year old.

Does anyone actually prefer having teens to little kids?!

OP posts:
GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 07/09/2023 12:58

I’m happy to hear so much love for teens. I’m finding this stage (12+) so hard.

How long do you leave them festering in their rooms? How much do you let them get away with in terms of rudeness / grottiness? How reasonable is it to expect chores done? How much personal responsibility to give?

I feel distanced from them by all this and missing the easier tween relationships.

ReeseWitherfork · 07/09/2023 13:00

Blanketsburg · 07/09/2023 12:02

At the risk of sounding saccharine, I loved all the stages, including teens. All joyful in various ways. All had challenges too, but vastly outweighed by the good parts.

DH said a few years ago that it sounded silly to say, but he hadn't anticipated just how much he would like the kids as people. Like, obviously you love them, but he hadn't considered that they would be so fun and interesting to talk to and hang out with. I'm probably not wording that very well! But I know what he meant.

I’m with your DH there. And you’ve worded it well. I’ve only got small children but I can’t believe how cool they are. My four year old is hilarious. Really refreshing to hear that my fandom not disappear.

Beamur · 07/09/2023 13:06

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 07/09/2023 12:58

I’m happy to hear so much love for teens. I’m finding this stage (12+) so hard.

How long do you leave them festering in their rooms? How much do you let them get away with in terms of rudeness / grottiness? How reasonable is it to expect chores done? How much personal responsibility to give?

I feel distanced from them by all this and missing the easier tween relationships.

They can go through a pretty grotty phase as puberty kicks in.
We always eat together and things like going on holiday as a family are non negotiable.
Rudeness is unacceptable and not tolerated - I'd reflect it back and ask if they'd like to be spoken to like that.
Rewards work better than sanctions.
Be kind and support your teen - make sure they know you have their back, love them unconditionally and any boundaries you put in place are reasonable and for their safety. Don't be afraid of saying no and do expect them to pull their weight.
They get as much responsibility and autonomy as they demonstrate they can handle. But don't set them up to fail. Say yes as much as you can.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families
loulouljh · 07/09/2023 13:07

You can go out and leave them!!!! They can be great fun too......they can also be a complete pain in the arse. Like younger kids I guess,,,,

Echobelly · 07/09/2023 13:16

One mid teenager and as 12yo yes, I prefer it to having little kids! I'm not a natural care-giver, so while they were cute and fun as little kids I do not miss all the demands on me and don't feel the least bit sad about the growing up and not needing me any more.

Teens do not have to be nightmares - it is a bit luck of the draw, like toddlers. Sometimes you just get a super mardy one, even if you're parent of the year. But I do think some parents create difficult teenagers, mainly through picking unnecessary battles and also through not letting go and trying to keep them as children/not trusting them to mature. A friend whose dad works in family therapy said he agrees with that theory.

Teens are great to talk to - it's important to talk to them about things other than asking/demanding them to do things, and I think it also helps if at least one parent some special interests in common so you have a reason to keep doing things together, whether it's going to theme parks (DH and teenager) or the opera (me and teenager) or whatever.

DS is not yet in teens so it may yet come back to bite me on the arse, but 15yo is a delight.

Fizbosshoes · 07/09/2023 13:17

I have 2 teens 17 and 13 and no probs so far. DD (17) I found really hard work emotionally until about 5. Now she is good fun and good company, I've enjoyed our road trips visiting unis this summer. DS has always been easier, less selfish and is more affectionate...I live in fear of him paying me back by going off the rails.
Both roll their eyes at my lack of tech skills and complain about doing household chores but so far easier than little kids (not as cute and sorry they still fight!!)

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 07/09/2023 13:23

I love having teens. I love the air of independence, even the sass, and as we are rural, teaching them the life skills that probably most adults haven't experienced.

MrsAvocet · 07/09/2023 13:25

I have enjoyed every stage but I love having teens/young adults. I've probably enjoyed every stage best whilst I have been in it but in retrospect the baby/toddler stage was hard work and fairly dull. My children have been very easy as teenagers though, no major rebellions or anything, so I've been lucky. I know it's a nightmare time for some people. But there are lots of prople who don't have problems too, so it is not inevitably a difficult phase.

LlamasUnited · 07/09/2023 13:26

Love love love having teens! They are an absolute total delight. Enjoyed every minute. I found things really difficult when they were younger though (they were delightful it was just really hard work). Teens are so much fun. It’s like having the best ever housemates. Just don’t stress too much if they get teenagery. Minimising conflict and generally being pretty chill seems to help. Also, school choice is very important. If they’re in a decent secondary your life is automatically a lot easier and you’ll have less to worry about.

Fifireee · 07/09/2023 13:26

5yo’s like you. So no. Teens are a nightmare.
You have more freedom but…..

Also I loved Peppa Pig and Ben and Holly.

My teens are amazing and so funny but also pretty stressful.

Vauxhallpicadilly · 07/09/2023 13:28

I love having teens. I loved em when they were little too.

I've really surprised myself how much I love having kids.

SisterJo · 07/09/2023 13:28

Call me mad, but I have truly loved every stage, and teens in particular are a lot of fun. We always end up with a full house with all their mates, and I love it. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had plenty of the door slamming and boundary pushing but as long as you don’t take it personally that’s all ok too.

elliejjtiny · 07/09/2023 13:29

I love my teenagers but 1 of them has mental health issues and that's scary.

They are so expensive to feed and entertain as they hate the national trust and whinge about cheap activities that my younger ones love. 15 year old has previously attempted suicide so can't leave him on his own but at the same time he doesn't want to go out with me and the younger ones.

Minikievs · 07/09/2023 13:34

I'm in early days of teenager, but my DS is turning into a joy. Yes, he grunts at me sometimes, has his phone stuck to his hand and leaves his dirty boxers on the bathroom floor.
But he's hilarious. Caring. We recommend series to each other. He enjoys the gym. He's really really good company for the most part and it's like having a day out with your mate.
He's still scared of the dark, and spiders, and still wants me to tuck him in at night, so he's not THAT grown up yet.
I'm loving it so far.

Lastchancechica · 07/09/2023 13:40

My teens are fantastic fun! They drs great - yes they have their moments but that is normal. I love little children too.

Lastchancechica · 07/09/2023 13:41

I still tuck in my dd and she is 18! I think I always will.

BIossomtoes · 07/09/2023 13:43

Lastchancechica · 07/09/2023 13:41

I still tuck in my dd and she is 18! I think I always will.

That’s so lovely 🥰

EsioTrot · 07/09/2023 13:46

andyourpointiswhat · 07/09/2023 11:49

Me. Mine are now also adults, youngest 20, but I loved the teenage years. They are so interesting, I loved having their friends around and a lot of their friends still have a good relationship with me. I cried when my eldest’s best man spoke about how much he loved hanging around our house at his wedding. I know all kids are different but I never understand the teenage hate. Set boundaries with your kids, enforce them, treat them and talk to them with respect and make it clear you expect the same. If you have a nightmare teen you can probably trace it back to how you parented your kids when they were younger.

This post makes me feel so sad.
I've tried so hard to parent with love, compassion and respect but my child has ASD and is in many ways a "difficult" teen.
I already feel so sad at the way they speak to and treat me sometimes (logically I understand why they behaves the way they do sometimes but the reality is still really difficult to live with at times). Thinking that people may assume I was a crap parent to him when he was little makes me feel even worse.

Newgirls · 07/09/2023 13:46

Teens are my favourite. Funny, interesting and it’s great to see the world through their eyes. When they are a bit arsey I see it as they are growing, testing out boundaries and how to be with people.

there have been some tough experiences along the way, with friends kids too, so it’s not always easy that’s for sure. Never boring though!

Newgirls · 07/09/2023 13:47

Edited

buttercupcake · 07/09/2023 13:47

I have 4 kids ranging from 9 to 19 years old and have enjoyed every single stage of parenting them. Loved them when they were newborns including the sleepless nights, loved the cute toddler stage too. Now have 2 in their teens and we’re getting to see the fruits of our labour. They’re turning into wonderful young people who are great company and lots of fun to be around.

I think social media has a lot to answer for regarding the whole, ‘savour every moment, time please slow down, you only get 18 summers’ nonsense.

Getting to see your kids grow up is a privilege not everyone is afforded. I love the teenage years!

ShitMermaid · 07/09/2023 13:48

Yes they are kind of smelly and moody but also funny, energetic and they have a ‘seize the day’ attitude that adults don’t have.
Mine are wonderful, I love the time I spend with me and I love it they will hang out their old mum 😊.

MoorlandWanderer · 07/09/2023 13:49

The surprise bear hugs from a 15 year old boy who so much taller than you are the best ❤️

Their sense of humour ❤️ (my middle one jokingly calls me ‘The Mother’ in a very dead pan voice and is generally very dry and I love him for it)

Being there for them through relationship ups and downs ❤️

Hanging out in your room at 11.30pm when you want to go to sleep but they’ve suddenly decided now is the time they want to hang out with you, have a laugh, talk about their life ❤️

The list goes on

justifie · 07/09/2023 13:52

Loved it when mine hit the teens. I find small kids tedious. Definitely other people's and often my own!

Goldmember · 07/09/2023 13:52

Oh god yes, I love watching TV gems with my 15/ almost 16yr old and introducing her to epic movies from years ago.

Her sarcasm and sassiness needs to be reined in but she is quite witty even she's on a huge diatribe of what everyone else is doing wrong. She's very much like me so I "get" her, she understands boundaries. we generally dont have too many flash points. I think she is Saffy to my Eddie. She knows she can talk to me about anything, nothing is off the table. I like spending time with her, we're having a girly trip to Alton Towers, just the 2 of us in a few weeks.

My Mum didnt understand me so she didn't know how to bond with me.