Does anyone enjoy having teenagers? Prefer it to having little kids?

[Fishandchipsatthebeach]

All I hear is negativity and how it gets harder once they are teens.

I’m a mum to a 5 year old.

Does anyone actually prefer having teens to little kids?!

Mine are 14 and they have been great teens, so far! Lots of laughs, binge watching shows, chats, shopping, baking etc. No real attitude problems at all. They have their moody moments, but then we all do. I also have step children and they were pretty easy going to. DSD was challenging for a little while, but soon grew out of it.

I’ve loved every stage (bar around 18 months when chasing very mobile twins was a bloody nightmare!). I think the young stages are more exhausting.

In a couple of years he'll want to do that on his own, with his own friends.
Having a teen is not just about having a new pal to do stuff with. And you still have control at 13 - unless he booked and paid for the activity and you just went along?
Wait until he is a bit older or talk to some parents whose kids are more challenging before you judge others' parenting preferences.

The thing about children is that when they are born they need you to everything for them and by the time they are 18 they are capable of being completely independent. Of course teenagers are easier, they are much closer to being independent adults.

They sleep through the night
They can perform self care (washing, toileting, brushing their teeth, dressing, going to the hairdresser, using a washing machine)
They can have a two way conversation with a peer or superior
They can read, write, tell the time, use a mobile phone
Many of them can bake and cook
They can be left in a house alone or can use public transport to get to where they want
The older ones can hold down a job

How many of those things can @Fishandchipsatthebeach 's five year old do? Not many I'm guessing.

I'm constantly amazed at people who say teenagers are harder than small children. Of course they're not. They are much more independent, much more fun to spend time with and are making the move with you from a child-parent relationship to an adult-adult relationship. I love my teenagers so much and am going to miss them dreadfully when they leave home and go to University.

You’re assuming everyone has NT teenagers…

In your experience.
Try reading around about the issues that face some teens these days - eating disorders, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, drugs, drink, bullying, relationships breaking down, parents separating, county lines, gangs, social media, gender ideology - some of these issues are really not that unusual - and not all parents find this easier than looking after a 5 year old.

Can you explain what you mean by this? I'd imagine quite a lot of people replying to this thread have ND children too.

BananaSlug were you replying to a specific post?

Yes different experiences and maybe it’s different worrying about girls coming home rather than boys. Though I’m sure my parents got used to me rocking home at all hours- I don’t remember them saying they hadn’t slept.

I’m sure lots of teenagers are troublesome. And I’m in the early stages -13/14 year olds who at worst want picking up somewhere in the evening. Never that late though yet!

I love having a teen and a tween, they are brilliant fun. I love how they see things and we can do fun days out to galleries and theatre etc. their friends are great and life is freer. My teen is autistic (high functioning) but I t is much easier (imo) now she is a teen as she understands herself and her needs much better and can help self regulate whereas when she was 5 it was a bloody nightmare frankly.

People forget. They forget so fast what the previous stages were like.

I just ignore this whole race to the bottom for who has it worst. It's insipid and boring.

And it's pointless. Let it wash over you.
No different than the brigade who lecture to-be parents on how little sleep they will get and how hard it is blah blah blah.

Personally I understand why people miss the toddler stage. My oldest is 5 and I miss his baby days. I miss who he was so much. But it wasn't easy. And it's recent enough I remember 😂
But I'm sure at some point I will only remember the good things and the hard day's will be deeply buried.

Thought it was clear I was replying to this...
"I'm constantly amazed at people who say teenagers are harder than small children. Of course they're not. They are much more independent, much more fun to spend time with and are making the move with you from a child-parent relationship to an adult-adult relationship. I love my teenagers so much and am going to miss them dreadfully when they leave home and go to University."

My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 3.

Personally, I think people just dislike admitting their life might be a bit easier in any way than, for example, someone with younger children.

Teens bring their own challenges but they are far easier than younger children because they are more autonomous. Their needs change and can be demanding still, but it isn’t the same relentless need that you get from younger children.

My life is much harder with teens.
Have you had to deal yet with the late nights, alcohol, vaping, drugs, etc?
Do you have a child who lies in bed for days on end because they are too anxious to go to school? (I don't but my friend does)
Maybe you won't have to, but don't assume that people who find teens hard are just making that up.

I have a fabulous teenager and an equally fabulous nearly teenager. I'm also a secondary teacher. I think teenagers are ace. They see the world through an entirely different lens, are hilarious and frustrating in equal measure and I love seeing how they are developing into citizens.

However, whereas parenting a small child is exhausting and all-consuming, parenting a teenager is a different sort of difficult. GCSE options (for some, the biggest decision they've had to make), dealing with choices, looming worries about future directions, letting them become independent and yet be safe.

They sleep through the night
Or they go to sleep just as you need to get up for work, and then sleep all day, waking up in time to ask you what's for dinner when you get home.

They can perform self care (washing, toileting, brushing their teeth, dressing, going to the hairdresser, using a washing machine)

In an ideal world, yes. But I know of many who struggle with this.

They can have a two way conversation with a peer or superior

Yes, depending on their mood.

They can read, write, tell the time, use a mobile phone

They can certainly use mobile phones.

Many of them can bake and cook

Then can usefully set fire to the kitchen while drunk.

They can be left in a house alone

Unless they decide to have a party for 400 "close friends".

can use public transport to get to where they want

Unless their legs suddenly stop working and they will miss the most urgent thing, ever, if you don't give them a lift.

The older ones can hold down a job

Unless they decide they cba/have mental health problems which mean they can't possibly do that.

As I said, everyone's experience is different.

I do honestly think that any parent is lucky if they get through every single stage unscathed, and if they enjoy each phase of parenting equally.

Obviously parenting a ND child has challenges that don't exist when parenting a NT child but that's a different issue. For the vast majority of parents their teenagers are more independent than a 5 year old, including those who are ND (obviously for more severely disabled kids caring for them could well get harder as they get older but the OP has said nothing to suggest that's the case for her).

But independence is only one aspect of parenting isn't it? I got through the toddler and primary years without any awful dramas, but now there's CAHMS involvement and the stakes are much higher. I have been far more affected by incidents over the last two years than anything that has come before.

My child is definitely harder now she's 12 than when she was 5.. just pointing out not everyone's child is an easy going NT child some are severely disabled so no need to be shocked when people say its harder as for some it really is.

The teen years have been full of ups and downs. The bigger they get the bigger the problems are, but on the whole I have loved having teens and my dds are such good fun and good company (most of the time).

I miss them being little sometimes, but not often. I wouldn’t want to go back.

Well I only read the first 3 pages of this thread but it was so lovely and positive to read. A quick skim of this last page showed that it's descended into a lot of petty bickering but it started off real well!

I adore having older children OP. Mine are 14 and nearly 13. I am well aware I'm at the start of the teen years though!
I also adored having babies and toddlers, despite the tantrums.

Teens are Expensive, gobby, selfish, but they are also funny, finding their independence and carving their own path. They also need their parents much more than they'd like to admit.

Often I've heard little children = little problems, big children = big problems.
That seems true in my case- eating disorder, diagnosed SEN and, as yet, undiagnosed SEN. But I still love having older children.

I am so surprised by how much I like hanging out with my children now they are older. My 13, almost 14, year old daughter is funny, smart and opinionated. It is fascinating watching her grow up and we have really good chats and lots of real laughs. I really remember when we both started laughing at things together, often each other, it was so different to when they were younger. But I loved it so much when they were little too. I love being a mum.

My daughter is 13 so probably too early to say.

For as long as she can remember she has heard heard negative comments about how awful it will be when she's a teenager

...it has had a really negative impact on her...if I say she's a teenager she gets really upset...she doesn't like the label etc

I was a bit of a nightmare in my early teens. Probably stems from me growing up faster than my parents wanted to acknowledge.

On the subject of ND teens, my children are still little so maybe I’m disillusioned and thinking wishfully. But I’m recently diagnosed AuDHD. As ND is highly hereditary, there is a good chance at least one of my DC will be too.

If they are, I’m hopeful I will be able to understand, empathise with and advocate for their struggles a lot more with being diagnosed myself. I grew up thinking I was mental, a freak and a weirdo, which I’m sure lots of other late diagnosed ND women will relate too.

My teen years were hell, I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, why I was so different and why I struggled. Most of us also had undiagnosed ND parent/s who had no clue they were ND, were raised in very authoritarian households, masked to extreme levels their whole lives, regularly burnt out and couldn’t handle their DC. Looking back at my secondary school days, late 90s/early 00s so not aeons ago, there were so many kids at my school who were written off as thick, troublemakers, weirdos or just naughty, who with hindsight were clearly ND.

I’m hopeful that with the increasing awareness and education of ND in schools and society, and an increase in adults seeking diagnosis and learning about themselves and by extent, their children, the lives of ND teens in the future will be a lot easier than they were in the past.