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Can't cope with next door neighbour

131 replies

blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 17:33

Hello,

I don't know what to do or who to turn to. My next door neighbour is unbearably loud and annoying. We share a garden with her (no boundaries) and we also share a walkway between both of our houses which goes to our front door and her front door. Our living room window also opens onto the walkway we share.

We also share a garden with her and she has positioned her table and chairs very close to our kitchen window. She does not work and is in the garden all day long. She is constantly going in and out of her house and into the garden. She will go into her house but then will come back out into the garden after a few minutes in her house. She is in and out constantly.

My boyfriend works from home for 5 days week, but his office window is overlooking the garden (where she sits). She sits out in the garden and is very very noisy. She is constantly talking, shouting, screaming, laughing, making funny noises, you name it. She shouts across the garden to anybody that walks into the garden or that is sitting there and I mean delivery people, postmen, workmen etc. She will shout things at everybody and try to carry on a conversation with them for as long as she can. Also, she will sit on her phone and videochat with the phone on speaker for an hour or two every morning. Every morning when I come down into the kitchen, the first thing I will hear is her on her speakerphone call. She talks very loudly all of the time.

I hear her first thing in the morning and last thing at night (either in our shared walkway or in the garden).

She has metal chairs placed in front of her front door and has to move them every-time she goes in or out of the door. You can hear the metal chairs screeching as they are dragged across the floor every-time she goes out or comes back. It is an unpleasant noise.

She also drops bags down from her first floor window, so you will hear thuds throughout the day. They are bags of rubbish, bags of clothes I believe.

I don't know what to do, my boyfriend is becoming increasingly frustrated and we are both at our witts end with her.

It feels like she is living inside the house with us. There is no sense of privacy, peace or calm at all. I'm starting to develop headaches from the constant noise and my boyfriend is completely desperate to move.

Right now, she's sitting in the garden and has been talking/shouting/screeching with another couple for the last two hours. There will be no sense of peace or quiet all night, as she will try to find somebody else to talk to/talk to herself/go on the phone when the other couple have left. I'm sitting at the furthest end of the house now from the garden and I can still hear her talking/shouting its like she is in the house with me.

I got so frustrated by her last night as she was talking/laughing outside our kitchen window for hours that I shouted "shuttup" through our kitchen window to her. I'm not proud of myself as I am mild-mannered and tolerant person. I had gotten a headache as she had been in the garden all day and making noise. She heard me and she shouted back to me "No you shuttup". I hadn't even said anything before that. After that, she didn't actually get any quieter or anything.

She doesn't go on holiday, doesn't work and is in the garden all day long. We can hear her from every window in the house.

OP posts:
Malteasersarered · 05/09/2023 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You need to get these deleted. Even though she sounds hard work, it not fair to put her photo on the internet for simply using her garden. I'd be furious if someone put my photo online without my permission.

HazelDean · 05/09/2023 19:14

Just move - you are clearly miserable. You keep coming back with more details on how annoying your neighbour is, but it doesn't change the fact that she isn't doing anything illegal and isn't going to change. I don't know what you are expecting the answer to be other than moving?

blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 19:14

No, we can leave with just 1 month's notice.
The real issue is finding somewhere we like enough to move to. We are looking to buy actually, but I'm currently unemployed.
My life is just such a sob story to be honest!

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 19:16

I know, you've all made me see a bit clearer with the replies about the only answer is to move. I don't know what I'm thinking but it's nice to be able to share the situation with other people, as me and my boyfriend have got very upset and frustrated recently.

OP posts:
MariaAshley · 05/09/2023 19:16

OP I'd ask MN to delete that pic. You've taken a photo of someone in their own garden and posted it to a public forum. That's not on.

Neither is playing alarms at her when she's on the phone etc or leaving loud music playing when you go out. I get that you don't like her and she sounds like a PITA, but you're the one displaying antisocial behaviour here.

You don't like sharing the garden, you don't like loud people, you don't like your neighbor - you need to move. Your house is cheaper than others in the area for a reason, this neighbour is probably it. You keep saying it's not fair - life isn't fair! The others won't care about your passive aggressive, huffing and puffing, mardy-faced visits to the garden when they're out there. They'll just roll their eyes at your antics. It could be worse - be thankful it stops at night.

When I had a noisy neighbour I went out a lot. I like peace. The park, the café or the library was a better bet for quiet activities, the leisure centre for something else to do. The walk there helped me to lose the stress from the situation. As did accepting that when they started up I'd need to leave, to manage my stress levels. I visited friends a lot, had an outside-the-house hobby, went for a drive with my own music playing and had the volume up quite loud when I wanted to watch TV (so I could hear it over their noise). It all helped me survive the year, then I moved.

LighthouseTheme · 05/09/2023 19:17

Shared does not equate to being all HERS... to do with as she wishes.
I know it's hard, and she is probably some kind of weirdo.... But, can you not try and use the SHARED space as well - in fact, put some outdoor furniture in the space, moving hers out of the way?

I feel for you. Next door to me has a "communal" garden (between 8 apartments), which certain people dominate; and it's always the ones who are noisy, selfish, make nasty smells and basically don't give a s**t about anyone else. Worse still if a couple of them become friendly and use the power of the plural to do precisely as they wish! People who do this are unlikely to make any accommodation for anyone else who would like a quieter or more private life.

Gjendefloooo · 05/09/2023 19:19

Yeah, OP, it's a nightmare for you. My neighbour is similar but at least she works 3 days a week. When she's not working she's at home all the time, doesn't even take her dogs out for walks any more and lets them shit on the balcony.
Said balcony is right next to mine, only separated by a high wooden fence. The constant noise, dramatic phone calls, music playing, TV, dog shit smells, smoke smells etc is wearing after a while. Thankfully she does sometimes go inside, but I feel like I have to have my door shut most of the time because of it.
I can't talk to her either because she reacts really badly to anyone talking to her about anything. She is known to have quite serious mental health issues.
I couldn't cope with it if I was wfh or if she was there all day everyday so I can absolutely understand where you are coming from.

I think in your case it might be best to look at moving, because you are renting and because that situation with her is never going to get any better. You can't talk to her. The noise is constant.
While you are thinking about whether to move or not, can DH move his office somewhere else so at least he can work in peace.
And I second someone else's idea of blasting out classical music.

blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 19:24

I've thought of this, I just don't know where he can move it to though. The only option is the main bedroom I think. All the other rooms have windows overlooking the garden/shared entryway so there will always be noise from her. I mean there could be space in the bedroom, but I don't know how I feel about it. If my boyfriend suggested it and he really wanted to, I'd be fine with it.

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 19:25

This is her table, she also has about 8 garden chairs which aren't in this photograph. I'll get another one when she's not in the garden.

Can't cope with next door neighbour
OP posts:
EndOfTheLine2023 · 05/09/2023 19:25

Why don’t you steal her table and chairs when she’s asleep in the middle of the night or get someone else to so it doesn’t look as dodge.

blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 19:26

Oh, I'd love to! :D ...

OP posts:
Folklore9074 · 05/09/2023 19:30

Thank goodness you are renting. Long short, there is something wrong with this woman. Fuck knows what. And there is no reasoning. She doesn't care the impact she is having on you. She will always be this way. There is no magic sentence that will stop her or make her adjust her behavior. So you need to move but in the meantime, if you can, properly have it out with her, no being polite, no quickly shouted shut up at the end of the day - outside in her face perhaps with a baseball bat (not to actually use it mind) telling her to shut the f up. Sorry if this isn't particularly helpful but there is no reasoning here. I think letting her know that it's definitely not on and you won't be pushed about it the only way. And/or move quickly!

OnlyTheBravest · 05/09/2023 19:30

OP you are lucky as you are renting. Unfortunately, the only answer to anti-social neighbours is to move. They will not change and your mental health will suffer.

I know the rental market is tough right now but start planning your next move. Check out new locations, visit them at different times, get a feel for what works for you.

There is a reason detached houses in 'nice' areas cost a fortune.

RoJosMum · 05/09/2023 19:39

Have you thought of being keen gardeners?
Mow the lawn. Often.

Tidy with a loud garden vacuum set on blow.
Use an arching sprinkler - after all, it is very hot and dry atm. As well as making it difficult for her to sit out, it might persuade her not to have metal furniture which will rust.
Invite lots of friends round and encourage them to be noisy. If she tries to join in, prime them to ignore her.
Have a BBQ and hope it’s smoky.
Erect a washing line and use the drying items as a screen to give you privacy. If you’re not allowed a line, have a tall airer. Old, faded sheets can be left out for several days, can’t they?
Claim some of the space with your pots.
Accidentally spread into the area she uses.
Suggest she takes up an activity which takes place beyond her home.
Join in her conversations as a PP suggested.
Are other neighbours affected by her? What do they propose to do about the situation?

Thegoodbadandugly · 05/09/2023 19:46

Did you not say her table and chairs are virtually under your bfs office window? And that you can hear them scraping because they are metal? In the picture it was a wooden picnic table a number of feet away from your window on grass.

Thegoodbadandugly · 05/09/2023 19:48

Also just to add you can see the chairs in the background and they look quite far away from where you are.

LivStanshall · 05/09/2023 19:48

I’d record her at her worst. I had neighbours who really shrieked in the garden all day and into the small hours of the morning. Like you, I could hear it inside with doors closed over the tv. After making a couple of complaints, I sent a couple of recordings to their landlord, as did my neighbours, and they were given notice. Although everyday noise has to be tolerated, if someone is repeatedly disturbing you in your own home you do have redress with environmental health at your council if you can’t sort it out any other way. It’s not true that you have to tolerate her if she is deemed as being anti social.

RoJosMum · 05/09/2023 19:53

I once read on here the idea of putting small pieces of food on a car roof top to encourage birds to eat then defecate. Ooops, did the torn bread you threw out happen to land on her furniture?
Make the space less attractive for her. Leave out bags of rubbish on their way to the bin, old shoes and trainers left to dry, a rusting bike perhaps?

ohboohoo · 05/09/2023 19:56

Why is her table nearer your house than her own? Are the rules to what can be put in the stated garden and where ?

blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:03

The funny thing is we lived in a flat with a shared garden before this house. I could say it was idyllic and so calm. We lived on the groundfloor with windows onto the shared garden. We kept our windows open all summer long and all we could hear was bird noise.

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:06

Because that patch of grass gets the most sunlight, I believe. I'm not sure if there are any rules, I've seen anything like that or anything relating to the shared garden.
I think nearly all of the other people living her in the other houses have mortgages. I think me and my boyfriend are the only ones renting.

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:08

Thank you, yes I'm going to have to start. I wish I got her yesterday, she made some shrieking, hyperactive, animal sounding noises out of the blue.

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:09

Well, maybe i overexaggerated a bit. It does feel like that though. She is definitely in our line of vision.

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:10

This is an old photo from last winter. But she has some chairs next to her table now. Ill take another photo tomorrow for you guys :)

OP posts:
blueeyes92 · 05/09/2023 20:11

Yes and she is been VERY anti-social at that in my opinion anyway.

OP posts: