Disgusting rhymes you sang in the school play ground or yard (primary or secondary)

[UnctuousUnicorns]

We sang (in primary (mid 70s to early 80s):

Yellow belly custard
Green snot pie
All mixed together with a dead dog's eye.
Slap it on a butty,
Nice and thick,
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

Utterly minging, I know. 🤮 We were such foul wee buggers. 😅

Were there any other horrors doing the rounds at your school(s)? No mean/nasty stuff please. 🙂

...and Popeye also had 2 lines that were
"My hobby is wimmin, I kiss them, at swimmin'

Michael Tilly had a ten foot Willy
And he showed it to the neighbours next door
They thought it was a snake
So they cut it with a rake
And now it's only 5 foot 4.

Where did that come from I wonder?

They sing part of Bumper car in a Charlie and Lola episode!!! I assumed it was made up for that!

Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a pot of Jam
its ever so silly
its stuck to his willy
Popeye the sailor man

we sang this ditty, in guides and learned it in rounds.
"they built a ship titanic" lots of verses on youtube.
jolly chorus involving death.
great rhyming song and rhythm.

I'm Popeye the sailor man.
I live in a caravan.
The girls are so dirty they look up my shirty
and tickle my watering can.

I threw him over England
I threw him over France
I threw him over the football pitch
And he lost his underpants

I made him lick the dishes
I made him lick the floor
I made him lick the baby's bum
In nineteen sixty-four

(We sang "kick in the ribs" instead of "kiss on the lips".)

I was climbing up the stairs
And it trickled down my flares
Diarrhea Diarrhea

I remember singing so many of these.

I’ll add:

Tarara booomdyay
My knickers flew away
They came back Saturday
Tarara booomdyay

and also

Oh no what can the matter be
Two old ladies locked in the lavatory
They’ve been there from Monday to Saturday
Oh what a smell there must be

@carparkcow we used to sing this in primary school, probably around year 4 or 5. Had zero clue what I was singing about!

The two most common ones sung on our school bus have had similar iterations up thread. Our versions were:

I want my hole, I want my hole,
I want my hol-i-days.
To see the cunt, to see the cunt,
To see the c'untryside.
Fuck you, fuck you
F'curiosity
I want my hole, I want my hole, I want my holidays.

Charlie had a pigeon, a pigeon, a pigeon.
Charlie had a pigeon, a pigeon had he.
It flew in the morning, it flew in the night.
When it came home it was covered in,
Charlie had a pigeon {etc}

I can't remember the earlier verses but

All in pink, all in pink
She made my fingers stink
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

All in blue, all in blue
She said the baby's due
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

All in red, all in red
She said the baby's dead
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

All in black, all in black
I broke her fucking back
Down the dark alley where nobody goes.

Sung by the boys. Grim.

Down in the jungle where nobody goes
(boy's name) saw (girl's name) taking off her clothes.
He came down, swinging his cock,
They got down and began to rock,
3 months later, all was well
6 months later she began to swell,
9 months later, out it popped
Another little (boy's name), swinging his cock.

I got such a telling off from my DDad for singing the two old ladies one!! He went absolutely mental, because apparently it wasn't funny AT ALL!!!! Probably got slapped on the legs.

Three little angels all dressed in white,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a kite.
But the Kitetail was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

Two little angels all dressed in white,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a kite.
But the Kitetail was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

One little angel all dressed in white,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a kite.
But the Kitetail was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

Three little devils all dressed in red,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a bed.
But the bedpost was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

Two little devils all dressed in red,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a bed.
But the bedpost was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

One little devil all dressed in red,
Tried to get to heaven on the end of a bed.
But the bedpost was broken, down they all fell,
They didn't get to heaven but they all went to-

BED!

A finger of fudge is just enough
To give your kids false teeth
It’s full of Cadbury’s concrete
And very hard to eat
A finger of fudge is just enough
To give your kids false teeth

(to the tune of the Finger of Fudge advert)

I think I actually learnt that one from my grandmother

I did too! 😂

What a great thread I'm going to show my mum this and see if there's any she recognises.

90s kid maybe year 2/3 NE...

"In 1996 the Queen pulled down her nicks she licked her bum and said yum yum it tastes better than weetabix"

For some reason it made us laugh a lot (and is now stuck in my head for a lifetime!)

We did a version of this mixed up with another one mentioned earlier.

I went to a Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread, bread, bread.
He wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what he said, said, said.
My name is Elvis Presley, girls are sexy, sitting in a taxi, drinking Pepsi.
How is your father?
All right, died in a fish shop last night.
What did he did of?
Raw fish.
Where did it come from?
Your dish.

Makes no sense at all! When I was back at my old school 10 years later they were still singing it but the Elvis Presley bit had become Andy Pandy, sugar and candy.

Edited as I missed a line

To the tune of Frere Jaques:

Our school dinners
Our school dinners
concrete chips
concrete chips
Soggy semolina
Soggy semolina
I feel sick
Toilet quick

We got bollocked for singing this in the dinner queue. But we sang it anyway.

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My daddy lies over my mummy
And that's how they got little me

I remember this, it was around 13-14 age rather than primary.

Started "The first time I met her, I met her in [colour]".

They sang "Down in the meadow where no fucker goes" in our version, rather than the alley.

They had Yellow too - "All in yella, all in yella, she told me she was a fella"

His name was Nobby Hall, Nobby Hall,
His name was Nobby Hall, Nobby Hall,
His name was Nobby Hall, and he only had one... fiiiing-EEER!
His name was Nobby Hall, Nobby Hall.
The other verses were:

• He went to rob a bank, and he stopped to have a sandwich.
• The police began a hunt, and they caught the stupid man.
• The police caught him quick, and they caught him by his elbow.
• The judge's name was Annie, and she had a hairy head.
• The lawyer's name was Chuck, and he was a lousy rascal.
• They sent him off to Venus, and he landed on his head.
• He landed in a pit, and the pit was full of moss

we thought this was SOOO funny as we paused for so long before saying the innocent word but obviously everyone knew the naughty word it rhymed with