Things you and DP say to each other that would baffle or horrify others!

[NutSmeg]

Example 1:
We had my in-laws staying over the BH weekend. As I always do, when I left the house on Saturday morning for my PT session I said to DP "Right, off to my affair".

It's from Peep Show - 2:22-2:30

DP told me that my in-laws were completely confused by the interaction. They grilled him about my comment for 20-minutes after I'd left about whether he thinks I actually am having an affair.

Example 2:
I have DP saved in my phone as "Chubby Hubby". I'm saved in DP's phone as "Hench Wench". My friend thinks we are incredibly disrespectful to each other and has even hinted that we need marriage counseling.

Example 3:
I'm a bit of a dawdler, especially in supermarkets. I'm a competent, capable, professional woman in my 30s but I turn into a bloody toddler in the supermarket. I have to look at all the bread, all the crisps, all the fruit. I don't know what happens to me as soon as I enter a supermarket.
DP indulges me but when I'm taking too long, he'll say "Get here now, Wench". It's in a jokey voice, never loudly, through pretend gritted teeth while pointing his finger at the spot right in front of him. It's our signal that I need to get a fucking move on. It works.

A few weeks ago, DP did this to me just as a woman was rounding the corner on a mobility scooter. She looked totally bemused.

Please tell me your examples of bizarre interactions between you and DP that others would struggle to understand!

We are similar. It’s our sense of humour, and neither of us would never say stuff we knew would hurt the other. On the rare occasion we’ve pushed one another’s boundaries we’ve communicated about it straight away. Other people don’t have to understand or approve.

*ever, not never

My DP does this face that absolutely sets me off laughing every time he does it. He looks like the goblin on Hobgoblin bottles! I know how childish that sounds. Sometimes, he will say something really rude or provocative and when I turn to look at him he's doing the face which instantly sets me off.
Very childish I know but we laugh every single day of our relationship and I wouldn't change it for the world. I fully appreciate this sounds ridic to others!
(we are getting married next summer and he has been threatened with insta-divorce if I get to the altar and he's doing The Face...)

I've had my husband saved in my phone as "Fat Lad", "Needle Dick", "Shithead" as in one of my previous cars I had it set that I could say call "Fat Lad" etc and the voice would repeat calling "Fat Lad" numerous times, I found it really funny as did he. He has lots of names for me none of which are glamourous or loving, but they make me laugh when he uses them.

I suppose to other people it would be shocking but to us its funny and that's the sense of humour we have, it works and I don't want to change it.

Oh and we are in our mid 50's so we should really know better 😂

DH works in a supermarket and we stopped there the other day. He asked if I was coming in and I said yes. He said 'I won't talk to my girlfriend today then'

We often say stuff like this to each other. Another example is when he mentions having visited somewhere and I tell him it must have been with his other wife as I haven't been

These are great 😂

Ha, we do this too.

Anything we do separately, we always say its with "my other boyfriend" or "my other girlfriend"

DH makes loud deadpan comments about what a terrible housewife I am, and lists all my domestic failures.

It's an 'in joke' based on both working full time and domestic things being split pretty 50/50 but sometimes I think people must think either he is an arsehole or I am incapable of doing laundry correctly.

My husband has me saved on his phone as ' the nutter ' I have him saved on mine as ' porridge jock ' ( he's Scottish )
If I'm going for a night out with friends, he tells me not to rush back as he's got his dancing girls coming over.
If he's going out with his friends, I tell him not to rush back because I've got a well hung bloke coming round to show me a good time.
It's caused a few raised eyebrows.

I don’t think it’s unique to be honest, I think most relationships are like this.

@Namechangenoidea I thought so too. But PILs reaction to my offhand comment made me wonder if me and DP are actually really weird 😂

I've been in the supermarket and dh has been waiting with the trolley while I do the supermarket sweep. When I return to him I've said 'God what are you doing here, my husband is in the next aisle you need to leave!' dh plays along and we have a stupid laugh about it. Absolutely not funny to others. I think we're all weird in our own way.

Whenever I'm out with friends and they ask me what DH is doing that night, I always say "football, pot noodle and a wank". No idea where this started but I sometimes forget who I'm in front of when I say it 😂😂

My standard reply whenever my husband is going out and asks me what I’m going to do:

’Get my fancy man round’

I also told him the other day he looked like the fat controller (grey trousers and black jacket). He was a bit offended and then looked at some pictures and had to agree.

My favourite statement ever from him ‘I don’t think you are scum specifically but you are still human. . .’ (He just generally thinks humans are the scum of the earth).

We are pretty brutal but it works!

DH often looks at my hands and asks where I got the chipolatas from (I was blessed with my burly dad's hands).

I like to pat his belly and look sadly at him 🤣

I say to DH as I'm leaving the house 'I'll be home by X make sure your girlfriends are gone by then!'

God, that's just reminded me that we actually call fingers "sausages" in this house because I once said that DP had sausage fingers he absolutely does
It's become so normal.

We don't always say it in a jokey context, we just use the word "sausages" for "fingers". Like "Ow, shit, I've just got a paper cut on my middle sausage".

His number is saved in my phone as "Bitch Tits"

We 'meep' at each other. If I am in one room and he is looking for me, he will 'Meep' and I do it back. Cus we are like penguins (who mate for life so its romantic). Sometimes I 'lemoo' at him like that strawberry from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

I hiss at my husband like a cat sometimes.

He says "vroom vroom" and waggles his brows at me sometimes to initiate a snog. I thinks its referring back to a Family Guy joke where a car rolls over someone? He does a few Family Guy references that I lose track of.

He calls be pengin and I call him pengwan as pet names.

His other pet name is Bawbag or Bawbaggins.

I often tell him "cus I'm your Daddy" when he asks me to explain why on something.

We frequently boobie high five.

I think being playful is really important in a relationship. It has certainly helped us get through several miscarriages, loses and difficult times. Anyone looking on from the outside would probably think we are barmy though.

Especially when he 'meeps' to find me in public and I answer back.

I often get a shout of "get a move on you slag" from my husband.

People are often 😯 but it's no where near as bad as it seems, it's from Gavin and Stacey where Gavin and Smithy keep saying "you shut it you slag, no you shut up you slag" and we always roar with laughter at that.

Love this 😂😂😂

I'm a huge true crime fan, and we often joke that if anything happens to him and there's even a hint of suspicious circumstances, I'm doomed.

If we've made tea and hesitate putting a cup down to the other one, we always ask "is that the one with the poison in it?"

And more recently, have started randomly saying "you ain't my daddy!" In a southern accent to each other, cracks me up every time! (From The Righteous Gemstones)

I am listed as grupenfurher in his phone lol

Dh and I often are known to say “that’s niiice” in a Mrs Brown’s boys voice. And then fall about laughing. (Episode where Hillary tells Mrs Brown her husband paid for her to have elocution lessons as a wedding present).

the above probably means nought to most of you and I can’t explain it properly but it has us in hysterics and basically means fo.

Ok this is very embarrassing. Our bums talk to each other. Mine is called Special Botty and his is Susan. We have special voices for them. They also bump and grind together (not in a sexual way!)

We also have a bit of a liking for some cheesy dancing and singing. Stuff along the lines of Kate Bush or Phil Collins.

Do I win the prize for awfulness??