Things you and DP say to each other that would baffle or horrify others!

[NutSmeg]

Example 1:
We had my in-laws staying over the BH weekend. As I always do, when I left the house on Saturday morning for my PT session I said to DP "Right, off to my affair".

It's from Peep Show - 2:22-2:30

DP told me that my in-laws were completely confused by the interaction. They grilled him about my comment for 20-minutes after I'd left about whether he thinks I actually am having an affair.

Example 2:
I have DP saved in my phone as "Chubby Hubby". I'm saved in DP's phone as "Hench Wench". My friend thinks we are incredibly disrespectful to each other and has even hinted that we need marriage counseling.

Example 3:
I'm a bit of a dawdler, especially in supermarkets. I'm a competent, capable, professional woman in my 30s but I turn into a bloody toddler in the supermarket. I have to look at all the bread, all the crisps, all the fruit. I don't know what happens to me as soon as I enter a supermarket.
DP indulges me but when I'm taking too long, he'll say "Get here now, Wench". It's in a jokey voice, never loudly, through pretend gritted teeth while pointing his finger at the spot right in front of him. It's our signal that I need to get a fucking move on. It works.

A few weeks ago, DP did this to me just as a woman was rounding the corner on a mobility scooter. She looked totally bemused.

Please tell me your examples of bizarre interactions between you and DP that others would struggle to understand!

😂😂😂

I'm going to try this with Mr Phos tonight just to see how he responds.

Mr Pigsear took to it like a duck to water. Hes not one for sweet pet names or rude ones. I think he would choke on 'my love, darling or sweetheart' (never mind sugar tits or similar) .

But he will happily knock out a 'My My Madam, you have a well turned ankle' or a 'Gosh, My Lady you are a rare delight and boon to a gentleman' 'Why, Miss Pigsear, you have snaffled the last of the goodies, you are such a cad, nay! a bounder!'

Makes me smile every time because, he is very quiet and introverted so its inimitably his version of 'Eh up sugar tits'

@Pigsearsilkpurse Mr Phos is an introvert too. But he's also not originally from the UK (though English is his first language) so his reaction may be quite amusing.

My husband just called, I answered the phone, "whatup fuck face? Without thinking about it.

I get, "woman! Know your place!" Said very loudly in public.

His late mother what appalled by the way that we speak to eachother, she was a joyless bitch though.

I had a thread in here years ago, where we would hide a raven around the house. We still put it in random places to scare to other. Poor old bird is falling apart now though.

We also wedgey eachother regularly.

We call each other Twatface/knobhead/shitface etc

When he asks (just conversationally) what no I'm messaging or talking to I say 'my bit on the side' and he does the same.

I tell him I'm going to trade him in for a younger, fitter model. He tells me he is going to trade me in for another woman because I'm a terrible housewife.

A massive part of our now 22 year relationship is built on banter and piss taking. We don't do soppy romance, but we laugh so much together and that's what it's all about. I see it in our kids too - there's lots of gentle piss taking and banter and our house is always full of laughter.

"How was your sandwich?"

"Horrible."

"Good."

This is the convo DH and I shared when I got back from work and he enquired after the sandwich he'd made for me.😂

@Whichwhatnow 🤣😂 died at “his is called Susan” just brilliant!! If you ever want a sister wife hit me up!

He had no children which made life much easier. We've been together 20 years so whatever was the problem seems to gave resolved itself now.

Like Barry Humphries who said he'd been married four times; most men have girlfriends between marriages, he had marriages between marriages...

Even DM gets in on the act by enquiring 'am I the best MIL you've had so far?'

Oh, I love this idea 😝

I call mine cunty-chops (or C C for short).

@NameChangeEmbarressed my DH always calls me sugar tits, also from Gavin and Stacy.

These are hilarious! And totally make sense to a British person.
My partner is German and wonderful but would be utterly baffled, insulted and mortified!

LMFAO !!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bruce Willis 🤣🤣

I say ‘pot noodle and an wank’ often too and totally forget to whom I am speaking. I think it’s a quote from The Office!

We have a few. If someone asks us what we’re doing that evening I’ll look at DH and say ‘let’s get pissed and watch porn’ (from Love Actually)
At night when we’re going to sleep DH will say ‘Schnick schnight’ and I reply ‘Schnick schnight Davy da ganomey’ I have no clue how it started or what ‘Davy da ganomey’ means but we always say it.
lastly - he is in bed before me as I’m getting ready and as I come to bed I do a weird dance round the bed with my hands doing a flamenco thing, and he does the hands back to me form the bed!

My DH calls me ‘Spanner face’...this got us some funny looks when he said it…he means his nuts tighten when he looks at me.
Spanner hands. I break things.
Thinking about, I don’t have one for him.