Is there a rugby mums chat?

[YesitsBess]

I've looked in sport, and as it's the start of the season I'd love to congratulate/commiserate/complain about the quality of the coffee?

Anyone else with a rugby kid?

@Ironer oh no that sounds horrible for him. As a fellow mum of a small player I’ve told myself that I will never force/persuade him to play if he doesn’t want to-I would feel too guilty if he got injured. But the school/friends aspect makes it harder.

They will be aware that he’s small and nervous so I think he just needs to tell the truth and then say he’s going to have a break from it for a bit.

Or would it be worth a white lie to say he’s been advised by a dr that he can’t play contact but can still train with them?

it’s a shame but I can’t see him getting his confidence back and there is probably starting to be a massive difference in size.

That’s a really difficult one. When our eldest played, the 13 to 15 years were definitely the most difficult because some boys of the same age are all muscle and beard and some are still very much children. If he’s no longer playing confidently then it’s probably time to take a break - if he’s not playing well or not wanting to play then his friends will have already seen this change and you’d hope they can support his decision to stop playing. Good luck!

If he's hesitant hes more likely to get injured.
They separate out the girls at 11 because of the size difference, and its the same really for a smaller boy.

Does he really think he's friends will ditch him if he stops playing, or is itfear of missing out?

Ah this is a concern. DH says its when he stopped enjoying rugby, as he was small & late to puberty (although a big lad now!). Worry about my skinny summer born!

It's a tough one @Ironer. My son was the same. He didn't really hit puberty till 15/16 so the years before that were really tough. He'd be playing against boys with beards who were practically twice the size of him.

What position does your son play? Mine was scrum half/fly half so he really concentrated on skills. Passing and kicking but also really good tackle technique. At 18 he's still not big but he's cocky as hell (as befits his position) and will tackle anyone. The bigger they are and all that. 🤣 He regularly plays for the first XV adult team now because his lack of size meant he really had to develop his skills.

Hope your DS can hang on in there.

Does he want to quit or is he stuck in that want to play scared to play loop? I think he could take a break and come back to it couldn't he? Is it mandatory in school?

Thanks everyone. He does want to play and is happy to play in the games where the opposition are similar sized or even a little bit bigger. He just can't bring himself to play against people twice/three times his size. He plays on the wing and is often left isolated, so has to tackle (often the big, fast runners), ruck, everything! He's always been fine with this and has been fearless in tackles so when he does play, he gives it his all but there's a level of anxiety in him now that I've not seen before.

He is worried that he will lose his friends if he tells the truth, although I do think they probably have a good idea already, because of his behaviour. He thinks if he can create an injury, he can fudge by without things changing too much.

Rugby at school is mandatory, so I don't think asking to take a break will go down well. However I can't help but think that's what we have to do as I just want to support and do the best by him.

If he is at a rugby focused school would he feel comfortable speaking to one of the coaches? Our director of rugby is brilliant as he understands the psychological impacts as well as the physical. I will say if he wants out he will have to be determined especially if he is a good player.
Our big one is U15s and the size difference can be substantial!

I love rugby and think kids should get the chance to try it but I am not sure it should be mandatory. Of all the sports it's the one you need to really want to do to enjoy it.

If your child is injured during a game, do you intervene or leave it to the coachez/ref?

She U11 for context, not a massive teen! Her worst knock to date.

I haven’t experienced this in rugby puttingdownroots as DS only just started in U9s this year, but my daughters ride, and I leave any falls to be dealt with by the instructor…

@Ironer I've got a very lightweight teen as well (even though he's now reasonably tall, he's got a very slight build) and I hate it when he plays on the wing, I think it's a really rubbish position for the lightweight lads as they are so exposed and playing at high speed so any clashes tend to be high impact. He moved to 9 for a while and that was much better, but he's not the build for a 9 really- he's likely to be over 6ft soon. Hoping that when he gets back from his latest injury(!) he'll be playing at 9/10 or 15 for a bit to build up some confidence again. I also recognise the reluctance to play the bigger teams, not so much in him - although he has declined one or two friendlies due to injury risk close to big events- but definitely in some of his teammates (and/or their parents) between ages 13 and 15ish.
(the majority of his injuries have been non contact by the way- the latest was overdoing it in the gym trying to bulk himself up 🙄)

After another difficult day on Saturday, he is coming around to the idea of talking to the coaches although wants me to do it for him! I am suggesting we go in together. The wing position has suited him over the last few years but with the increased size difference of late, it's just become too tough. Heartbreaking seeing him like this when rugby has been such a big part of his life but I know we'll get through it.

@PuttingDownRoots Generally, I leave injuries to the coaching staff at the time, even if the player has to come off, I let him stay with the team. We had a head injury last year, so as I could see this looked a bit more serious, I manoeuvred myself over to where he came off the pitch and sat with him while he got medical attention.

Funnily enough this then came up as a topic with DD and her BF (who is a v keen player) and both from a horse riding and a rugby point of view they both said they prefer parents to stay at arms length if they are injured. They are 15/16 though, not little ones.

I wait on the sidelines as normal, and let the coach deal with it - he brings her over if needs be. Seems to be what all the team does. It is hard not to run onto the pitch and scoop her up though!

Thanks for injury advice. She got hit square in the face with the ball and did cry... and she's not a crier really! She was just annoyed afterwards the bruise was tiny! She was back on the pitch 5 minutes later, I think I'm going to need to toughen up! (I did resist the urge... taking the logic if it had hit her nose as I thought they would quickly call me!)

And so begins the Six Nations so there's rugby on the TV as well all weekend!

Ds1 has county cup tomorrow afternoon and he should get a full match, so I'll be watching him.

Ds2 is fuming at being off for 3 weeks - he was knocked out the Sunday before last so this is his last week off. He's trying to convince us he wasn't actually concussed as he wants to play a school match on Tuesday, but we're taking no chances. It was his first head injury and a bit scary to be honest. He's a big lad, so unlike others posting I generally don't worry too much about injuries but 2 people landed on his head after a tackle - no foul play, just bad luck.

I'm very much on the "it's swings & roundabouts" fence when it comes to injury. My children have managed to injure themselves in incredibly stupid ways over the years, rugby probably the one where they get the most medical supervision/regulation after an injury.

@Ironer we've got a small & slight lad on the squad and he's had similar ups & downs. Sometimes he plays, sometimes he trains and goes to all our team/squad events (on tour etc). He can always take a break and see how he feels down the line if it's causing him to lose sleep and be anxious. I'd second talking to his coach/director

Also, how are we all feeling about being labelled child abusers?! I didn't have that on my 2024 bingo card!

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/rugby-head-injuries-dementia-parkinsons-b2489408.html

I couldn’t have stopped my son playing rugby if I tried! It’s everything to him. That’s not to say I don’t worry about head injury, because I do. Although it’s a dodgy shoulder causing the problem at the moment…🤣😭

I'm slightly baffled as to why rugby & boxing are being fixated on and horse riding & ballet dont get a mention. I will have to read the whole study for the full list. I imagine it covers...everything.

I mean it must right? Every sport has risks, gymnastics, ice hockey, netball etc. I'm interested as to why they zeroed in on rugby.

I think it’s classic journalists making a sensationalist fuss about something a couple of academics have said.

If you get 5 academics in a room, you’ll get at least 8 different opinions on any topic. And some of them will resort to hyperbolic nonsense to get attention.

Rugby is high profile and topical with the 6 nations. Ballet is rarely topical.

I don’t think there’s anyone involved in rugby these days who isn’t aware of the risks.

The whole ‘child abuse’ claim refers to rugby in schools. Although, DS’s experience of rugby has always been that PE tends towards the touch rugby end of the spectrum. Even where they teach contact, it’s not proper rugby. The school rugby team relies on the local clubs having actually trained their players. And that’s entirely opt-in.

Are any of us forcing our children to play rugby? DS chose it himself and wants to play. I didn’t even suggest it and would h have thought to (I was going to suggest volleyball when he quit swimming because of the early mornings).

We all worry about head injuries. There’s little glamour about grassroots rugby. It’s really not some horrible conspiracy by parents to abuse their children for … attention and glory? Anyone who thinks it is is more than welcome to come and stand in a muddy field in the cold watching DS’s U15’s cup match tomorrow. They might get a leftover hot dog after the game if the boys leave any, but they’ll need to bring their own flask of coffee. We’ll go in their car too - muddy adolescent and all.

The harshness of 10yos.
I get up early to get my work done. I make the breakfast. I get the kit ready.... like every week.
Then, as we are due to leave... "why are you coming? Grandad can take me!"

Plus side... I don't need to spend my morning at the side of a cold muddy pitch. But I've actually come to enjoy it!

Absolutely raging this weekend when my daughter was "tackled" by a boy grabbing her ponytail and bringing her to am immediate standstill from a sprint for the try line.

He was reprimanded by the ref but I was shocked at his absolute lack of contrition. It is SO dangerous. I was willing to let it go as an 11 year old spur of the moment "must stop her at any costs" thing but the lack of understanding that it's not ok was worrying.

Luckily I'm more bothered about it than she seems to be....

We had this last season as my DD has really long hair. I now plait it and tuck it up into itself for matches so it's not 'grabbable'. Glad the boy was told off though.

Hello- how are we all getting on? Finally got a decent weekend of matches after all this rain and constantly flooded pitches. DS’s team had a cup match which they won ( albeit ds not in the squad this week) and dd had a pitch up and play. Got quite badly winded in the final match but fine now- she is sometimes a little too ambitious in her tackling.