Things you don't want in a holiday let ...

[LindorDoubleChoc]

I'll start.

Decorative cushions on the beds! Absolutely no thank you. They're quite irritating on the sofas ... but on the beds! Just why?

Another one - quite specific to where I'm staying now - unwashed cooker hood filters. They make the whole kitchen smell of dirty ovens.

Also ... it's nice if all the mirrors and the glass shower screen are done properly.

I've stayed at Airbnb places which are very staged in the photos, but when you turn up it's obvious at the first sniff there's usually a cat or dog which lives there most of the time, but the owners and pet go on holiday or move out when they get a booking.

You know what the solution to that is?

Don’t close the curtains all the way… it’s within your gift!

Unlike those of us who don’t want to be woken at 4.30am in an easterly facing room in mid June.

But with blackout curtains you can just leave them open a wee bit and have the light you want. With thin flimsy curtains you can’t make them more blackouty.

Well I'm lucky I've never experienced any of the truly awful things detailed on here (shoddy/dangerous furnishings or stuck on heating), so perhaps I'm lucky. Maybe it's because I don't use Air B&B and usually opt for tourist board accreditation.

Cushions and runners are annoying but much worse in hotels where they get even more varied exposure to bodily fluids. I agree they are pointless and unhygienic everywhere.

For me it's part of the charm of having a house that the kitchen is full of random kit. I love a hodgepodge of random kitchen appliances and enjoy working out ingenious cooking solutions. Never expect sharp knives or non stick that's just unrealistic. TBH I just make do and most knives aren't unworkably blunt.

Most of the moans on here could be avoided by travelling with a couple of towels and pillows, and getting a wash bag you can hang up in the bathroom (I carry a butchers hook in the bag in case there are no hooks or door handles). Oh and accept you have to buy toilet roll, it's self catering.

The onsite owner's dog wandering around your supposedly private outdoor sitting area and sticking its nose into your crotch.

Nearly forgot about this but one Airbnb had drawings of orchids and vaginas in the wall. I have a photo but wasn't sure if it would be ok to post.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be like our most recent holiday let and have lights that can't be switched on and off??

The only lights with a switch were the bedrooms. But bathroom, hallways, EVERYWHERE else had sensor lights.

So we couldn't dim/turn off the lights to watch a film, and we had the en suite and hallway lights going off throughout the night to keep us awake.

Why??? Who on Earth thought that was a good idea? Also must be costing them a fortune in electric as the en suite light would stay on for ages, it was on more than it was off!

Good point!

Well at least when you're paying you can tell the owners to keep the dog under control. Doesn't matter if they don't like you, or what you say, you're the paying customer. I hope you left a review so people who don't like dogs (or even those who do) knew not to go there.

That reminded me of a B&B we stayed in Scotland when ds was small and there was a puppet of an evil looking magician in the hall. DS had a book at the time called Malgor the magician, and we nicknamed this puppet Malgor. But DS was a bit freaked out by it!

That's why I've stopped stripping the bed on leaving. I spend the whole journey home feeling nauseous 🤢

Leaflets for local attractions that closed down years ago.

In a Greek self-catering place, we got no leaflets of any kind for local attractions (to be fair, I'm not sure how common these are in Greece) - but there were many piles of leaflets advertising the owner's keep-fit business. Because of course that's what everyone is likely to do on holiday, get a personal trainer .

Scent sticks in EVERY room. Plus scented candles.

Lava hot shower that couldn’t be adjusted ( had to run the basin hot tap at the same time to make it merely scalding).
Leaving the wrong Wi-Fi code then not answering emails or texts asking for the proper code.
Scented stuff, I’m hugely sensitive
No where to hang towels after a shower, why would you want your guests to have to hang damp towels over the furniture ( U.K. so couldn’t hang outside cause of constant rain)
Car boot sale mismatched crockery and glasses in the kitchen.

I'm nodding along to these but has no one mentioned the god awful massive tea tray. The thing taking up half the worktop with a tea pot and little pots of sugar and instant coffee etc. It always gets instantly squeezed into the back of the highest cupboard I can reach.

I'd prefer that to not having a tea tray tbh

The only duvet in summer being an ancient synthetic winter-weight one, so old it’d gone like a pancake. Why are some holiday let owners too sodding stingy to provide reasonable duvets?

Having said that, as long as there’s enough of it, I couldn’t give a toss about mismatched crockery, especially if it’s pretty stuff gleaned from charity shops, like one place we stayed at.

Do you pack a whole guest house in your bag as well?

Glass chopping boards

Multiple signs they’ve made and printed with CAPITAL LETTERS and exclamation marks exhorting me to do and not do things

Feather pillows and duvets. The pillows don’t support your head and worse, they’re cruel.

Leaving blackout curtains partly open isn't the same as not having them in the first place so they are staying on my list of things I don't want to find.

Dogs allowed.

A shower curtain rather than a screen. I always assume it's not washed between guests and spend my entire shower feeling squeamish and trying to avoid touching it!

Rooms smelling of old sweat because of the bedding and mattress is absolutely gross.