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Original poster

My mother has died and I'm away on holiday

129 replies

Devastatedx · 22/08/2023 01:44

My sister rang. She found her. I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. I feel sick and am in a terrible panic. My beloved mum. Oh god....

OP posts:

NewYorkFirstTimer · 22/08/2023 06:50

I'm so very sorry xx

whitebreadjamsandwich · 22/08/2023 07:06

Oh I am so very sorry to read this OP.

123sunshine · 22/08/2023 07:13

So very sorry for your loss. My mum died unexpectedly when I was a 10 hour flight away a few days into my honeymoon. It was devastating, 20 years on, it’s still very painful. I flew home early, I didn’t know what else to do, I was in pieces. It cost a lot to get home at the last minute, but holiday insurance reimbursed us the cost and for the lost 10 days of our holiday. Not that the money was important to me at that time.
just do what feels right to you.

Dontjudgeme101 · 22/08/2023 07:13

I am so sorry op. 💐💐💐

anyolddinosaur · 22/08/2023 07:14

I am sorry for your loss. If you can stay it will mean that there will be other memories of this time besides the grief. On one of my flights a woman nearby cried - as quietly as she could - all the way home. The flight attendant was kind to her and her husband was with her. She was returning for her mother's funeral.

If you feel you need to leave airlines may offer reduced rate bereavement flights.

Enforceddrysummer · 22/08/2023 07:17

The sudden death of your mum is cataclysmic. I know. I found mine dead. She'd been fine when I saw her hours earlier. She was only in her sixties and had the same name.

There is nothing you can do at the moment. It's completely up to you whether you feel desperate to return or can wait until Friday. Whatever you feel to be right. Going home, sadly, won't change anything.

I'm so sorry you have had this terrible loss xxx

Melminiani · 22/08/2023 07:18

I am so very sorry for the loss of your lovely Mum OP xxx

Blogswife · 22/08/2023 07:19

I’m so sorry Op. losing your Mum is so hard .
RIP Jean 💕

Crunchymum · 22/08/2023 07:21

I'm so very sorry to hear this. It's an utterly life changing moment (I lost my mum suddenly a few years ago. I see you've also already lost your dad too)

Is your sister well supported? Does she have family? Are there any other siblings?

I can't remember exactly what we had to do in the early days in terms of contacting people etc. We also had to wait for a post mortem so not much happened to begin with.

Do whatever you feel best. Your sister sounds like she is coping and you'll be home soon enough.

Xmasfairy86 · 22/08/2023 07:24

Oh how sad. Sorry for your loss. I echo what WiddlinDiddlin said. You can’t change anything. Take your time, be with your family. And return with some clarity and a hug for your sister.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 22/08/2023 07:24

So sorry for your sudden loss of your dear mum, it's so heartbreaking. As you say there'll be a postmortem because of her sudden passing, nothing can be done with paperwork until that is completed and may take a few days yet. If your sister suggests you stay and come back as planned then do what you're comfortable with. Does your sister have family support with her?

Crunchymum · 22/08/2023 07:25

Enforceddrysummer · 22/08/2023 07:17

The sudden death of your mum is cataclysmic. I know. I found mine dead. She'd been fine when I saw her hours earlier. She was only in her sixties and had the same name.

I'm so sorry you have had this terrible loss xxx

My mum was mid 60's, also had the same name as your lovely mum (and the OP's mum) and was texting me just an hour before she collapsed. Dad and sibling had to perform CPR on her. I only arrived after she was already gone.

Cataclysmic is a very apt word. I hope you are doing okay? ❤

Twiglets1 · 22/08/2023 07:29

Sorry for this heartbreaking news while you’re away.

For what it’s worth, I agree with your sister that there is no need to rush home. I would take my planned flight back on Friday. I know that losing a mum is the worst pain x

HorsePlatitudes · 22/08/2023 07:32

I’m so sorry, what a shock for you. I lost my lovely mum in December but at least I had warning as she was sick.

Enforceddrysummer · 22/08/2023 07:36

@Crunchymum I'm so sorry that you have been through the same horrible experience as me and OP. One of my DM's siblings died yesterday and it's really triggered my grief again. I think that not getting to say goodbye was the hardest thing. I wish I'd known what was about to happen. My thoughts are with you as it really is one of the hardest things in life to deal with xxx

ThreeRingCircus · 22/08/2023 07:37

I am so sorry to hear this, RIP Jean.

For what it's worth, when DH's father died very suddenly my SIL was on holiday with her family. She didn't immediately rush back but stayed and came back as planned and that was absolutely fine. There is not a lot that can be done in the first few days and everything is such a blur anyway.

If you are desperate to be home then of course you should fly back but don't feel that you have to. I'm sure your lovely mum wouldn't have wanted you to incur extra money and stress right now. Friday is only a few days away.

FarEast · 22/08/2023 07:42

Ohhh that is really tough. I’m not a drama llama but I’d go back asap.

Gh12345 · 22/08/2023 07:44

Is there anything in Norway that could honour your mum? Any nearby churches etc? I would personally stay and make the most of it. But it’s really what you feel comfortable with

veryberrypericherry · 22/08/2023 07:46

I'm so sorry for your loss x

I would say that if you don't go back, and I totally understand why it's difficult to, then still try and help your sister as much as you can. I was in this position last year dealing with all the things you don't even realise you have to do.
So help your sister as much as you can from where you are, make the phone calls, send the emails, arrange the appointments if you can.
My DB's didn't do anything really and it still stings.

It's a horrible horrible time for you and your sister so support each other as much as you can x

headcheffer · 22/08/2023 07:46

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Do what you feel is right and be kind to yourself.

ChrisPPancake · 22/08/2023 07:49

I'm so sorry for your loss @Devastatedx

BMW6 · 22/08/2023 07:50

I was in your shoes many years ago, I am so sorry.

We stayed on the week long "holiday", just spent the time walking, thinking of her, crying. Just as I would have done back home really.

Perhaps looking at the beautiful surroundings you are in while thinking of Mum may be helpful. Soul soothing.

Whatever you choose to do is the right thing.

RaidFlySpray · 22/08/2023 07:53

I'm so so sorry for your loss OP. It's so awful. I think something fundamentally changes within us when we lose our mothers, it's such a special, unique relationship. After all, we became life within them.
Be as kind to yourself as your mum would be with you. And please know that even though we on this thread don't know you, we're thinking a lot about you and Jean. X

ASDMumof2 · 22/08/2023 07:56

@Devastatedx Sending you a huge hug. I'm so sorry.

Your mum would want you to finish your holiday so do your best to take solice in that.

My thoughts are with you, your family and friends.

Viviennemary · 22/08/2023 07:57

I agree do what's best for you. If you are goìng to regret not going back sooner then go back. But if it's a big problem to sort out transport home then just wait.

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