Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone else feel like every decision they make is a mistake?

34 replies

Mistakeaftermistake · 20/08/2023 23:51

I’m just so tired of it. Sitting here trying to think when the last time was I made a good decision. Must have been about 18 years ago. Every decision since has been the wrong choice. I no longer trust myself.

Last decent decision was a career move but everything since has been disastrous. Bought the wrong house, sent the kids to the wrong school, changed to the wrong job. Not just life changing decisions but even little things like painting the house the wrong colour, bought a cat (after a lot of research) who has turned out to be unaffectionate and not at all friendly which apparently is exceptionally unusual for a ragdoll but now I’m lumbered with him for god knows how long. Bought him for DS as they are meant to be emotionally good for autistic people.

Even our holiday this year was a big mistake. Despite again, research, the hotel was rubbish and the resort awful. Why can’t I get anything right?

Im just so worn down with every decision turning out to be the wrong one. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

OP posts:

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 20/08/2023 23:57

Me, for sure. 2 domestically abusive relationships, one resulting in a child who now has no contact with their father. I've only met two men since, both of whom were just trailing me along. I feel almost every decision I've made in the last 15 years is most definitely the wrong one. The exception being the decision to have my wonderful child, my sole reason for living. I still live in hope that one day soon I will finally make a right decision.

Muffinbuttered · 21/08/2023 00:00

Hey OP. Didn’t want to read and run as I feel pretty much exactly the same. I’m actually lying here wide awake worrying about the future - which looks less than bright because of several bad decisions I’ve made.

Sometimes, one thing that helps me - a little - is to try to reframe my thinking a bit. For example, my marriage isn’t in the best place right now and I have moments where I think I made the wrong decision - BUT, if I hadn’t chosen to be with my DH, I would t have my wonderful kids, so….

It’s hard to apply that positivity to everything though! All quite exhausting, and I relate 😓

BlastedPimples · 21/08/2023 00:05

Same.

I've been a fool.

And there's never any good news.

GoodVibesHere · 21/08/2023 00:12

Do you perhaps overthink things? I do, and find myself reflecting on decisions and thinking they were 'wrong'. But really life isn't quite that black or white, right or wrong, is it.

For example regarding your cat, you didn't make a 'wrong' decision, it is the luck of the draw as to a cat's personality and many, many cats are aloof. Some cats chill out as they age and become more affectionate, do not lose hope! Your cat is a sentient being whose personality you cannot control so there is nothing you did or didn't do right or wrong you just chose to have a cat like millions of people do, and trust me lots of those cats will be grumpy buggers including ragdolls.

Regarding choosing the 'wrong' paint colour for your house, who says it's wrong? Is it you thinking it's wrong? Maybe it's right! Maybe it's just 'ok' but not amazing. Maybe the other option was worse!

I feel like you are a bit of a perfectionist or have a desire to control everything to make life perfect for your loved ones, and perhaps you are being very hard on yourself? I'm sure you've made some perfectly good decisions.

Original poster

Mistakeaftermistake · 21/08/2023 00:20

Yes I am definitely an overthinker! With regards to the cat I visited him as a kitten several times and chose him from the litter as he seemed really friendly. Until we brought him home. I keep telling myself he may get friendlier but right now he is hiding in the wardrobe 🙄

I really do think though that if there’s a decision to be made I will make the wrong one. With my house for eg I unknowingly chose one next to the noisiest neighbours. There were 2 houses for sale in the same street and the one I didn’t choose has lovely quiet neighbours. I’m just so sick of it. Previous house also a mistake. The day I moved in major building work started on the house next door which lasted for over a year. It was horrendous.

When people ask my advice I’m reluctant to give it as I know it is probably rubbish advice which may lead to a mistake!

OP posts:

MrsElsa · 21/08/2023 00:28

You might be a perfectionist without really knowing it yet. I always thought perfectionism was about work or neatness but I'm starting to see that it affects my whole outlook on life and is a big factor in my mood being up or down. I know what you mean about being ground down over time and seeing percieved mistakes piling up. I find it very difficult to move on or forgive myself if I think I've done something "wrong" or less effectively than I "should" have.

CBT can help with it, can you access through your GP? Sometimes there is a self referral service.

watermeloncougar · 21/08/2023 00:32

I expect we all dwell far more on what we feel are wrong decisions and aren't even aware of the very many good decisions we make.

alloalloo · 21/08/2023 00:37

Mistakeaftermistake · 20/08/2023 23:51

Even our holiday this year was a big mistake. Despite again, research, the hotel was rubbish and the resort awful. Why can’t I get anything right?

Im just so worn down with every decision turning out to be the wrong one. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I'm in a similar situation. Especially regarding the cat .. except I bought two because I thought buying a second one would make the first one easier to deal with as they'd play together, now I have two very needy cats that drove me mad and I'm stuck with them for probably at least 14 years plus. At the time I thought I'd thought it all through, but I didn't at all.

I've made other decisions in the past that I can't name here because it would be very outing but that have had huge consequences, regarding relationships for example. I don't seem capable of making a rational decision though and seem to have a personality disorder, whereas you're trying to make the right decision.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/08/2023 00:40

Does anyone give you advice and if so do you follow it?

xogossipgirlxo · 21/08/2023 01:20

Work wise, yes🫤

ABeesWings · 21/08/2023 01:25

Yes. Similar things to you - wrong house, wrong school, wrong town, wrong career choice etc. I’ve become indecisive as a result because I don’t trust my judgement anymore.

Lostinplaces · 21/08/2023 01:34

Yes very much so. I’m in so much debt and trapped renting. Credit score is lower than satans arsehole. Can’t fucking do anything right, my kids deserve so much and I can give them nothing. Fuck life. Absolutely fuck
it to hell.

Original poster

Mistakeaftermistake · 21/08/2023 09:26

determined no, no one gives me advice. My parents never offered any support or words of wisdom growing up so I guess like many of us I have just been making it up as I go along.

My DH is a lovely man but just let’s me make all the (wrong!) decisions. Maybe that’s part of the problem I have no one to blame but myself.

I am desperate to move house but think what’s the point, whatever house I choose, despite extensive research, will end up being a mistake like all the others!

OP posts:

HorsePlatitudes · 21/08/2023 09:31

I think of all the wrong decisions one can make, marrying the wrong man is hugely common mistake and you see me to have dodged that one OP. Plus you have children! And you have a career! And you own a house!

many people would love to be in your shoes!

diamondinaruff · 21/08/2023 09:50

My life went from successful to rats over 8 years. So I know what you mean .

Alighttouchonthetiller · 21/08/2023 10:01

I've got so that whatever decision my gut tells me to make, I make the opposite. My gut response to everything is way off. I need some sort of recalibration.

I am lucky to have married the right man (but even then I nearly didn't!) who is pretty good at making the right choices, so it helps to balance things out.

Original poster

Mistakeaftermistake · 21/08/2023 10:20

alight same! There is a job I’m thinking of applying for however my gut is telling me it’s a mistake, just going to ignore it and see what happens!

OP posts:

Alighttouchonthetiller · 21/08/2023 10:33

Go for it!

the80sweregreat · 21/08/2023 10:34

Some people seem to have life sussed out completely and make the right decisions, but like you op I haven't and it is easy to then dwell on the negatives too much ( I tend to do this myself ) rather than the positives.
Lots of people buy pets and then discover it's hard work or not how they imagined , I know a few people who ended up rehoming them, but they don't tend to lose any sleep over it! The pet was far happier in a new home, but I'm not suggesting you do this. It's just how some people problem solve I guess.
Eventually you won't notice the house colour , plus it's outside so easy to avoid most of the time. Are your children happy at their school ? This is more important than you thinking they might be at the wrong one.
I've bought properties I've hated with loud neighbours too.
We ended up moving, but I appreciate this isn't always feasible or the ideal situation ( especially with children to consider too)
I always think other people have it better than I do , but I'm sure they all have problems too , but maybe they just deal with it better , maybe!

Mmhmmn · 21/08/2023 10:50

Do you ever make decisions that are just based on gut instinct?
Or do you overthink for ages about every decision?

Original poster

Mistakeaftermistake · 21/08/2023 10:53

Mmhmmn my mistakes have all been after doing a lot of research and thinking so not knee jerk at all, doesn’t seem to make any difference!

OP posts:

Teateaandmoretea · 21/08/2023 10:54

I think you have unrealistic expectations in life. Work is a grind for everyone, there are things about everyone's house that annoy them, everyone's neighbours have building work. Cats can be utter arseholes and personality is just luck, that is surely well known.

theresnolimits · 21/08/2023 11:12

I think we all make good and bad decisions. Sometimes I am wracked with regret and think ‘why did I do that?’ Or ‘I wish I’d handled that better’. But I think it’s about how we manage that. Then I think that I used all the information I had at the time ~ I didn’t set out to make a bad decision. So I have to move on from it ~ either fix it or accept it.

Maybe make a list of all your good decisions and try to see it balances out. Honestly you’re really not alone in this.

Mmhmmn · 21/08/2023 15:15

My thinking is actually more the other way around - that more gut instinct is a good thing and can be a better indicator of decisions made that were right at the time rather than over-thinking and agonising .. cos you can start to lose sight of why you were making the decision in the first place.
My DP is an overthinker and makes any decision, large or tiny, an absolute nightmare of a process. I'm trying to resist it rubbing off on me as it drives me nuts. (Not to say I always know what I'm doing - far from it!)

WakyWally · 24/01/2024 20:59

I relate totally. So many fuck ups. Jobs, flats, fellas you name it. Total disaster. Latest destruction is i walked out of my job.

Flip

1 2