The notes LL wrote also contained phrases such as 'I haven't done anything wrong' as well as 'I am evil'; it's like a brain dump of various emotions and thoughts.
I think some people are desperate to try to find a motive; hence the speculation LL was jealous of couples with children. Considering she was murdering babies by age 25 (perhaps a earlier if further investigation shows crimes from previous work placements) this is a strange line of reasoning. She presented as a totally ordinary young woman in her mid-twenties; she had a social circle and enjoyed going out , holidayed in Ibiza etc... it would actually be pretty unusual at that age for someone to be desperate to be settled down, married with kids!
Perhaps it's human nature to want to find reasons and ascribe a motive but the reality is we will probably never know. Not unless she confesses and explains what drove her to do it.
I've said it before but worth emphasising - a key point in this case is that LL presented as totally 'average' and normal. No obvious risk factors, nothing to mark her out from other nurses. If you look at all the published photos of her, she appears a very normal reasonably attractive looking young woman.
That's why all the bulllshit about her bedroom with fairy lights and a few teddies is a distraction. There's actually nothing remarkable about it. It's not helpful to construct fictional narratives retrospectively, such as 'ooh that bedroom's weird ... maybe she was stuck in childhood and couldn't cope with developing as an adult'.... or 'maybe she couldn't get any sex' (somebody early actually described her as an incel
) .... or 'maybe she was insanely jealous of couples with babies'... this is tabloid territory. The (perhaps less sensational) fact is that we'll likely never know why she did it. She perhaps doesn't know herself.
Trying to attach importance to LL's bedroom or wildly speculating that she couldn't get sex also distracts from the fact that sometimes people who do terrible things are 'hiding in plain sight' as LL was. Presumably the hospital management didn't want to believe it partly because of reputations management but also because they didn't want to accept that someone apparently so 'normal' could be murdering. If she'd been a misfit, no social life, no friends etc perhaps they'd have found it harder to dismiss the consultants' concerns. The fact that she appeared so 'beige', ordinary, 'Nice Lucy' shouldn't be rewritten: surely one vital fact to emerge from this terrible crime is that evil can exist slap bang under our noses.