My son 16 has lost his friends

[Tauranga]

Last year before Christmas son started to lose friends. He never told me until Spring time when he was visibly upset about not being invited out by his friends. He explained that they had stopped asking him out to the cinema etc but still chatted to him at lunch time. I asked on of his friends mum's and she asked her son. They had gone off my son because he is annoying and a bragger

This was true, he was a bragger and we as a family were working on his modesty and his humbleness. He has matured so much and is now so much more sympato others situations.

He has however come home from school today and told me that the 'friends' are now acting as if he is not there. They are blanking him

I have no idea what to do. He is a lovely boy and I just want him to be happy. I don't know how to help him make different friends.

I know no one can help but perhaps this happened to your son and he now has loads of friends. Any inspirational stories appreciated xx

But bragging is never an attractive quality, so if this is the case you do need to work on that with him. There are flaws, we are all flawed, but there are some that will never be welcomed and bragging is one of them. Proudness is one thing, bragging is different.

Is he the football captain, top in all subjects ???? I would have thought a group of boys would have had the pals and the hangers on - he would be a hanger on, not most popular but allowed to hang out too. I don't think you can excuse blanking as it's bullying.
What on earth is he bragging about - most boys group discussions are quite inane and jokey.

Again, being a Mum of a 16 year old boy I would argue that many boys are competitive and would not like others finding academia easy so they label it, 'bragging' and actually it isn't.

Also, what flaws are ever 'welcome'? Manipulating others to effectively oust someone from a group and there will be a ringleader in this, is also a very problematic characteristic. If I was a parent of a child with that personality trait, I would worry more.

For me, I think if these boys HAVE fallen out with him because they dislike his bragging then this more than just normal teenage boy stuff. We don’t know the full story, only what has been posted here. We don’t know if there is a ringleader or anything. But if OPs child has form for being known as a bragger like she has suggested, that is something as a parent you can work on. You can’t deal with the other children’s issues, but you can support your own to ensure they become a well rounded person.

Bragging is pretty much how teen boys communicate - a kind of relentless competitive pisstaking. If you remember Green Wing - like Secretan & McCartney’s double act.

I think it depends if it’s a selective school and everyone’s clever, in which case finding exams easy wouldn’t stand out, or whether it’s not and they genuinely have an issue.

But I’m not convinced that teen boys care that much about academics - their ringleaders and heroes at that age are the cool, confident, built, blokey, good at sport, craic, gaming, and chatting up girls. Not the high iq geeks.

So either the bragging was something extraordinary or something else is at play.

This happened with my son. The bloody What's App groups - none of the kids are really mature enough to use them properly. On and off them like a yo-yo depending on the mood of the admin. I totally disagree with a couple of the PP's who say boys arent like this. If SEN/ND is involved then they are like this as the maturity levels are not as developed as perhaps young people with more confidence. I didn't bother involving school - their own staff had boundary issues around social media, so didnt feel they would do a very good job of sorting anything out.

Mine also on the surface had a fairly easy life - I dont mean academically. But the behaviour escalated after he left school and went to college. It took him time to make new friends and they all have their own issues again. But he is doing well - driving, found part-time job where he is respected and liked by colleagues. So I am trying to help him find other interests or hobbies where he can just meet people who are interested in the same. But that is tricky - we had the 3rd big conversation this summer just yesterday - I have told him I will help financially if the cost of the activity is too much but he is not 5 and I am dragging him along to different activities!! It's giving them the confidence to move on.

Actually, my children had opportunities to make new friends at this age. As the pupils progress up the school and take different subjects / classes, there were lots of new faces

@Tauranga I stumbled on this thread by chance. Wonder how things turned out for your son?

I'm sorry but it is no wonder that they went off him if he was annoying and a bragger. I doubt this can now be redeemed. He can move on and make new friends. He's burnt his bridges with the old ones. He knows this, so you can just have a chat about acceptance, learning from it, and moving on.

I moved school loads in my teens due to moving, so was always a loner. I read a lot in the library and made "friends" with the librarians.

Then went to college and made a lovely group of friends there.

Your son doesn't need his old group of friends. For whatever reason they don't like him and that's okay. We don't like everyone we meet. I hope he can learn to be happy as a bit of a loner at school and make the effort to make new friends in new situations. I liked the suggestion of asking a girl out!

@NeedToChangeName thanks for remembering us! It is like a different planet actually. He joined loads of clubs at lunch times, and made some great friends with the same interests. He managed to restart a friendship with some lovely boys who he had been friends with when he was younger, he did this by hearing them talk about golf and then he casually talked about golf, and they asked him for a game. He is so happy now, and both of us appreciate this happiness. He told me he went out three times last week, with three sets of different friends! He definitely changed, he has matured, and his new friends understand him more and are more similar to him. The old friends are still about, with no hard feelings.
Thank you again for remembering us!!

That's fantastic !