Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
Cucucucu · 16/08/2023 15:47

No you cannot but you can tell the kids you are nit doing lunch’s . Say something long the lines of “ I haven’t been shopping yet kids and I won’t go until X days from now so can you guys bring snakcaks or a packed lunch tomorrow and the next few days .

Piscesmumma1978 · 16/08/2023 15:50

You're being used as a free summer club.

I would send them all home at lunch time.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 16/08/2023 15:54

Of course you can ask them.

If they don't want to pay then the parents will have to feed them at home.

Work out how much extra it is costing you and charge them that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
5128gap · 16/08/2023 15:59

This was my aunty's house! We could make toast or jacket potato with own supermarket brand beans, or do without!

BelleShazzasFeast · 16/08/2023 16:00

Zola1 · 16/08/2023 10:48

My daughters mates are always here and I always end up feeding everyone too.. I don't know the answer but no you can't ask for money

I think some houses just seem to attract all and sundry. I, too, don't know the answer, other than to carry on feeding everyone as cheaply as you reasonably can!

I actually like mine being the house where my student DC and their friends all congregate.

TolkiensFallow · 16/08/2023 16:17

sounds like you are happy to have them over so I think they either have to bring packed lunch or you can ask them to pop home for lunch.

if I knew the parents well, I’d be inclined to send them each a generic text saying “hey, I’m really enjoying having the kids over the summer, they’re having a great time and I’m happy for them to come round but I’m on maternity leave and can’t afford to continue feeding (x number) of kids lunch everyday, any chance you could send a packed lunch?”

honestly I think if it was me and my kid was at the same house being fed lunch daily, I’d have contacted the parent myself by now…

Coolblur · 16/08/2023 16:21

Janieforever yes because some the parents have said as much. They send their kids out to play because they are working and it's annoying having them in the house pay for childcare then. But I work full time too, I'm just home a lot during the day because I work shifts. No one seems to care when I'm on nights, they still send their kids round to ring the bell and knock (they do get sent away on those occasions). And no I don't think DS will want to stay at home in his teens, but at least he'll know he's welcome to be there, unlike many of his friends who have been taught they have to go out all the time.

To quote your reply to Hiddendoor
Me, shrugs moves, on thinking the mum is a bit bored or something
Do you really believe that? Or are you just happy your kid is being entertained elsewhere and not bothering you because you don't have the space for them and their friends and you're working or something?

The key is give and take.
For those who give, set firm boundaries with the kids and their CF parents.
For those who take, be a bit more self aware and return the favour when you can.

Paddleboarder · 16/08/2023 16:37

Tell your children to tell their friends that they'll need to bring their own lunch. I think this is fine, asking for money is not fine. You don't have to offer them lunch, so don't do it? Tell them you haven't been shopping, haven't got enough stuff in? Or, for the tweens, message their parents and explain that you love having them here and how much your own children enjoy it, but that you can't provide lunch every day so can they bring something? It sounds like it's just become a habit and they aren't going home for lunch because they're not hungry.

lookingforhomemum · 16/08/2023 16:54

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

what a lovely person you are. I agree with others, I wouldn't ask for money, although I completely understand why. It might affect their relationship with their friends and parents etc. Maybe you could start with your own kids and tell them to ask their friends to come over after lunch, just say you're busy and/or you want to spend time with your own family, something sweet and they will totally understand, I'm sure :) I think you've created some great memories for all these kids, inc your own, what a wonderful thing, but I completely understand about the money. If you do do what I've suggested, maybe then you can just provide snacks (like, crisps MAX lol) and they will just get used to that. If anything, feed them closer to their dinner time so their own parents might suspect they're ruining their appetite with your snacks and tell them not to even eat at yours haha. Good luck!

lookingforhomemum · 16/08/2023 16:58

also, i forgot to mention, I really do think asking for money will cause problems. when i was a teen, my friend invited me and a couple of others to her parent's holiday home in Cyprus and we took our own money from our parents for food (my parents understood not to just let my friend's mum pay for everything). However, when we got there, our friends mum took our money and bought whatever she/my friend wanted and made us eat that. I wasn't too bothered as it was mainly jacket potato lunches, salads etc, but one of our friends had a specific diet and she felt she couldn't eat much that was served and was too polite to say anything, with the mum being there are also, felt trapped on holiday. A few days in, she really started getting angry because she just wasn't eating well or what she wanted and by the time we got home, there was a full blown argument between the friends. I think us all being kids and the parents didn't really communicate properly about it all didn't help, but it was unpleasant after that and totally ruined my first holiday experience.

whynotwhatknot · 16/08/2023 17:18

sorry i think youre being a mug why cant they go to the park or own for the day why is it always your home

whats worse is you think they know where their kids are and still arent contributing

lionhead1 · 16/08/2023 17:25

How is op being a mug when she says she's happy with it?

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 17:29

She's not happy with it she doesn't want to upset anybody so that's her dilemma

lionhead1 · 16/08/2023 17:37

I was under the impression that she was happy for them to be at her house, just not the cost of lunches.

8ahwe · 16/08/2023 17:49

Can't they bring over a load of pizzas etc?

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 21:13

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 17:29

She's not happy with it she doesn't want to upset anybody so that's her dilemma

I am happy with them coming round and being here I'm just concerned about the cost. I don't want it to come across as I don't want them here. I know some people find it hard to fathom but it isn't a problem having them here, as I've said before it is probably easier. For example tonight whilst kids were being collected I was dealing with the witching hour, not having to leave and collect my children with a banshee was a relief (dh not home until 8pm) see I'm no saint.

I certainly don't feel like a mug.

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 21:22

8ahwe · 16/08/2023 17:49

Can't they bring over a load of pizzas etc?

Not keen on this as I don't want to be doing things that don't suit me. Sometimes it's oven food, sometimes pasta it has to be easy/fit with me.

As for them going to the park yes they could but my children prefer it here . I get why we have toilets, goals/hoops, no worries about other children be that bigger or littler ones, shelter when it rains, and it has done that A LOT!

OP posts:
DangerousAlchemy · 17/08/2023 08:18

Wow OP - I thought I was you for a minute there 🤣 except I'm not pregnant, I just have large peri menopause tummy lol. We have my DS 15 yr old friends round our garden room most days. They make their own toasties & will eat the ocassional frozen pizza but I'm not cooking for them! We do buy extra milk, cheese, bread & cheerios but that's about it. They tend to wander off to local shops to buy drinks & snacks leaving a cloud of Lynx Africa in their wake ir an uber eats driver knocks on our door🤣 Its annoying when I want to use my downstairs loo & some kid is taking a dump in there but at least I know where my son is tbh. These kids are mainly on his footie team so I do know them & their parents at least. I joke about charging them all 50p every time they come round but obvs never have. Only 3 more weeks to go then they'll only be round on weekends 🤣 Good luck op - just tell them to start bringing their own snacks/lunch round, the kids won't mind!

Str3bor · 17/08/2023 08:37

I genuinely wonder if the kids are being provided with money which is not being handed over?

The parents might not grasp how many children are there, if my DD goes to her friends I don’t tend to ask who else is there, how many etc and if it was an odd day here and there then maybe I’m a CF as I wouldn’t think to provide lunch as I’d just feed my children’s friends if they were here. That being said if they were here everyday I would feel the same as you.

i would probably mention it to my children in the first instance, if the other children have been given money then you might start getting it. But I wouldn't ask for money and would probably just end up sucking it up for the next 2 weeks.

Gumptionesque · 17/08/2023 08:45

Breezily tell them, “no lunch today kids, kitchen is closed. You’re welcome back this afternoon”.

SamPoodle123 · 17/08/2023 08:46

I would just say that things are getting more difficult with the newborn and with X amount of kids its easier with a packed lunch. The parents probably do not realise you are having so many kids over and feeding/washing up after them all. I am not sure why the other parents have not thought about this??

cooldarkroom · 17/08/2023 08:51

I'd tell them all they either go home for lunch or bring a sandwich, you can't afford to feed the hoards every single day. Maybe they will tell their parents !

Unbelievable that the parents haven't stopped by with crisps, or baked beans or offered to do sandwiches.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 17/08/2023 08:55

I do t let me kids friends come round until after lunch so they are already fed.

CaramelMac · 17/08/2023 08:56

I’m surprised the other parents haven’t said anything to be honest, if that was me I’d have text you saying thanks for feeding the kids and offering to reciprocate in some way!

Normalweirdo · 17/08/2023 08:56

I have the house all the kids hang out at and like you I'm quite happy with that. I do feed them a lot but also their parents are really good at messaging me to say "hey you've had the kids loads, let me send round some pizzas and ice cream to save you" . Also I'm honest with the kids. There's been a couple of times I've been caught short and a few has arrived when I just don't have enough in. I just tell them "guys I'm really sorry I don't have enough in to cook lunch for everyone. You're welcome to come back after lunch."

I think your best being honest with the kids. You said tween and teen so they are old enough to understand its costing you money and time to feed them. Let it be an adventure. Suggest the air frier to them. See if they can pull their resources to feed themselves.