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Original poster

Can I charge kids friends for lunch?

353 replies

MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 10:38

I am on maternity leave and so am home a lot, surprise baby so my older children are tweens/teens. Lots of their friends have either parents that work from home in the family room/parents at work/houses not geared to lots of children so ours has become the place to be.

To be clear I do not mind at all that the friends/neighbours are here, we are very lucky with a very large garden and self contained summer house so they do not really come in the house or cause any issue at all (and they all seem lovely)

The problem is food, I started doing lunch for everyone at the start of the holidays (I see that I went wrong here but this is the first time I've had the summer off, normally I work so holidays are clubs/grandparents etc)
I thought that it would balance out as my kids went to other friends but all summer they have been here, and it is getting very expensive (and I am only doing cheap food, pizzas/sandwiches/pasta etc)

I'm not sure how to approach it, or what to do I don't really want to stop them coming over as that isn't the issue, can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so what is reasonable? -they are often here between 9am and 6pm (enforced as I was ending up providing breakfast and now they have to go home for dinner)

TLDR- can I ask parents for money for food when their kid is regularly at mine for 8+ hours a day?

I am about to sort out baby so I will come back but it maybe delayed. (I've NC to not link but if you recognise me please feel free to speak irl)

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 16/08/2023 13:55

I run out of food. Then my DC tell their friends to bring a pizza or whatever to cook. My DC also take food and drinks to their friends as I wouldn't expect someone else to constantly feed my DC. I also find if there is no food at my house other peoples DC disappear off at lunchtime and return later for cheap icecream I hide the Ben and Jerrys in a bag at the back of the freezer

greyhairnomore · 16/08/2023 13:55

Maybe tell your kids - their friends will have to go home for lunch .

Alighttouchonthetiller · 16/08/2023 13:59

LivLongAndProsper · 16/08/2023 13:23

"We are having lunch now. Why don't you go home for lunch now too and come back after?"

This is what I would say. No discussion. My mother always says, 'Remember, it's your house ' which is worth bearing in mind when you start to worry about accommodating this sort of thing. Just make it straightforward, breezy, cheerful and pretty neutral. Don't apologise.

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Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 13:59

The problem here is that the OP started doing lunch for everyone

This is the real problem, I should have thought it through to begin with, but other than the money it has been a brilliant summer even with the rain so I don't regret it.

They have a microwave in the summer house that they are able to use and I do think about getting them an air fryer as I don't want them in my kitchen.

As for not checking in mobiles make everything so different, no need to speak to me as they can speak to their kids at any time so I don't think no one checks in 8 hours but equally what child would remember to say Mother Hubbard cooked for me today.

I will definitely do it differently in the future holidays.

OP posts:
watermeloncougar · 16/08/2023 14:02

I think if you've supplied them with a microwave and are thinking of adding an air fryer, you've no chance of getting them to spread their socialising around to other houses too!

newnamethanks · 16/08/2023 14:04

It's time to take your family out for the day. And again until everyone's got the message. I remember a bunch of us used to pile round to a schoolfriends house after school and eat them out of house and home. I shudder to think of it as an adult. It never occurred to us that we were unwelcome to do this and it was prohibitively expensive for them. Utterly mortifying when poor friend was instructed by parents to stop it. Embarassing. I expect it hasn't entered their minds either.

Genevieva · 16/08/2023 14:08

With a microwave in the dinner house there is no need for them in your kitchen. You just need to tell them the rules and leave it to them.

Genevieva · 16/08/2023 14:08

*summer house

BrokenMantra · 16/08/2023 14:09

Just to go against the grain slightly - one of my children had a very kind/generous baking Mum with a cool garden so all the kids ended up going there. I wish she had suggested they go home a bit more often as I missed my son and was very happy to take turns at hosting.

itsallnewnow · 16/08/2023 14:10

I would stop serving lunch, around 12 say "oh I've not got enough in for everyone today. Everyone pop home for lunch you're welcome back in an hour. And want yours in the morning maybe that you haven't been shopping

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 14:11

watermeloncougar · 16/08/2023 14:02

I think if you've supplied them with a microwave and are thinking of adding an air fryer, you've no chance of getting them to spread their socialising around to other houses too!

I was thinking then they can buy a bag of chips etc at the shop and use it themselves, it is just a shame the shop is so expensive.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 16/08/2023 14:14

I would say ‘Right Harry, Ben and Jack, we’re having lunch now. So if you pop back to your own houses for a couple of hours and come back at 2pm, we’ll see you then ok? Quick, put your trainers on, good lad, See you in a few hours after your Mum has done you some lunch. Cheerio Boys!

Peddlefaster · 16/08/2023 14:14

Just leave out a couple of sliced pans and some
cheap ham and cheese from aldi / lidl. Add in some of those packs of mini muffins and cheap crisps . Tell your kids that’s what’s on offer end of.

I’ve an open house and that’s what I do . It doesn’t cost much and is no effort on my part. I wouldn’t have the kids over otherwise

eggsandbaconeveryday · 16/08/2023 14:14

I would be inclined to drop the parents a text saying that while you don't mind that their children/ young adults come over could they please send a packed lunch with them because they are eating you our of house and home ! Make it a little light hearted but firm . You might find that the parents are happy for their children to go home for lunch and they probably don't realise you are feeding them . Also I'm sure that some of them will be given lunch/ snack money and if you are feeding them then the children are pocketing it without their parents knowledge !
Like you , I have always fed my son's friends and liked that I knew where they were but now that they are older the friends bring food and drinks . I love having them around but you do have to draw the line sometimes

Peddlefaster · 16/08/2023 14:15

Don’t get in to air fryers OP. A sandwich is really more than enough

Xmasbaby11 · 16/08/2023 14:15

This is so kind of you op! I think the parents are being so thoughtless. If my dc went to a friends house even for one day 9-6 I’d be checking with the parents it’s ok and can we provide lunch. I’d happily send mine over with food or money. It’s incredibly cfery for parents to avoid this issue. They should also teach their dc not to take advantage of other people’s hosting. At the very least they can provide a couple of frozen pizzas. If they can’t afford it then individual packed lunch every day and the odd share pack of crisps etc.

Original poster
MotherHubbardEmptyCupboard · 16/08/2023 14:20

newnamethanks · 16/08/2023 14:04

It's time to take your family out for the day. And again until everyone's got the message. I remember a bunch of us used to pile round to a schoolfriends house after school and eat them out of house and home. I shudder to think of it as an adult. It never occurred to us that we were unwelcome to do this and it was prohibitively expensive for them. Utterly mortifying when poor friend was instructed by parents to stop it. Embarassing. I expect it hasn't entered their minds either.

Honestly they are not unwelcome, we do go out for days but when the children are home , which over the summer is a fair bit, they want to be with their friends and I am happy for them to be here.

This is why I am looking to address the problem. I am happy to cook for them and for them to be here between 9 and 6, it is just becoming cost prohibitive, I have 10 including my own here today (usually it is 6-8)
I was thinking of money as a sandwich in the local shop is £3+ and is nasty. For £2 a day I could do a proper lunch, snacks and drinks, but agree with the majority and will suggest packed lunch. The problem with them being here isn't that they are here, if I wasn't on maternity the money wouldn't be an issue (but then they wouldn't be home)

OP posts:
User5653218 · 16/08/2023 14:22

It sounds like a lovely summer for your kids. I bet they'll remember it.

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 14:22

Ait fryer ? You are having a laugh op it's not a cafe you are running I mean do you think your kids friends will abandon them if you stop serving food ?

Hiddendoor · 16/08/2023 14:24

Get the mobile numbers of the parents.

Create a WhatsApp group.

Say "phew, first x weeks of summer holidays over, felt like a kids camp with all the kids here every day. Whose turn is it to have them all now?"

Don't feed them any more and don't facilitate them feeding themselves with an airfryer in the summer house.

Send kids home for lunch. If it's too far for them to go home and back for lunch then sucks to be them, but you aren't their school and they can just stay at home.

Stop providing anything more exciting than digestive biscuits.

The other parents are using you and abusing your good nature.

Anoooshka · 16/08/2023 14:24

Stick your head out of the back door at 12.30 (or whenever) and shout "lunchtime [insert your kids' names here]". Tell everyone else "see you back here at 1.30". Kids will have to go home for lunch.

newnamethanks · 16/08/2023 14:24

No no no, OP, stop offering your services. Everyone will resent it if you start asking for money, parents won't like it at all and many will think you are trying to exploit them even though you're not. Packed lunch then.

Hiddendoor · 16/08/2023 14:27

Honestly OP, stop bending over backwards.

You know you won't get money from the kids for their food. You aren't a summer childcare option. Stop trying to find ways to people please your kids friends.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 16/08/2023 14:29

I think I am going to disagree with the majority here. I think it’s dreadful the parents havent already offered a contribution. So long as you know them, perfectly fine to message and say, look, loving having yiur DC here, but it’s costing me a fortune. Can you send them with a pack up? Or even a contribution like bread and cheese or pizza for all. Don’t ask for money, but for food to be sent.

Mrsjayy · 16/08/2023 14:29

Stop trying to find ways to people please your kids friends.

This

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